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'black-ish' fan recap: The Johnsons' big, fat, legally binding wedding

Season 1 | Episode 16 | “Parental Guidance” | Aired Mar 4, 2015

The latest episode of black-ish introduces Rainbow’s bougie mom, Alicia. Alicia is the classic stereotype a lot of black people talk about and many dread: a black woman who thinks she’s above other black people because she married a white man. A white man with a black fetish.

Yes, I called out Rainbow’s dad, Paul, too—he’s the stereotype of the white dude who thinks he’s gotten cool points for marrying a black woman. Sorry, Rainbow’s parents. I love interracial relationships, but Alicia and Paul are too stereotypical to be liked. Thankfully, though, they’re just annoying when you don’t count the racial politics.

So why are Rainbow’s parents here, anyway? Because Andre is getting ready to renew his vows to Rainbow, and he wants it to be as perfect as possible. The actual wedding was held in between her shifts at the hospital, so it wasn’t very romantic. But for the vow renewal to be absolutely perfect, Rainbow’s parents will be there to ruin it. Her parents don’t get along with Dre’s parents (who are more old-school), and every time they’re in a room, it’s a verbal sparring match.

Maybe it’s because I’m from the South and I have some old-school tendencies myself, but I’m not on Rainbow’s parents’ side. I mean, like Alicia, I too think that the Bible is one of many paths toward spiritual peace, but I also don’t eat bulgur kernels on a regular basis. I’d eat fried chicken over bulgur any day. I also don’t belong to a cult, like it appears Alicia does. (More on this later.)

The bottom line is that Rainbow’s parents and Andre’s parents hate each other so much that when Alicia asserts that everything, including manmade objects, has a soul, Ruby retorts with a well-placed, highly aggravated “f— you!” Funniest moment of the episode.

Also, just because Andre’s got black parents, Paul feels the need to bring up Selma as if that’s the only film they might have seen this year? Therefore, I cheered on Pops and Ruby, who say they saw that stuff firsthand while Paul still got to sit at a lunch counter without harassment.

Things get even worse when Andre Jr. comes across the website to Alicia’s “church.” Everyone sees the FBI notice on the site, revealing that Alicia belonged not to a new-age group but to an illegal cult. This also means that the wedding Alicia officiated for Rainbow and Andre was never legally binding.

By this time, Rainbow and Andre are so sick of their parents that they decide to go through with the wedding without them. They plan to just get married at the courthouse with their kids as their wedding party. But because Jack can’t keep a secret, Pops finds out about the plan and goes to Alicia to try to extend an olive branch. Even though they can’t get along, they have to work together for the sake of their kids’ happiness.

The realization that they drove Andre and Rainbow to elopement spurs the parents to act like civil human beings, and thankfully, the wedding (including Bishop Don “Magic” Juan, Tibetan monks, and the bishop’s lady friends—whom Black Fetish Paul loved looking at) goes off without a hitch.

If there is a hitch in anything afterward, it was the question of whether Zoey is actually Andre’s daughter. The running joke throughout the episode is that Zoey is actually the daughter of Rainbow and Rick Fox, since Rainbow and Andre weren’t married until after Zoey was born.

Andre Jr. has a field day making fun of Zoey’s conception until they realize their parents’ marriage was never legal to begin with—making them all kids of unmarried people. But even after the wedding, Andre Jr. still insists that he, Jack, and Diane are Rainbow and Andre’s children, but Zoey looks too much like Rick Fox. Andre tries to rebut that claim, but Rainbow doesn’t offer any help—and she never cops to not meeting Rick Fox.

Is Zoey Rick Fox’s child? We’ll never know. (But she’s probably not.) (Or is she?)

What did you think of this episode? Were you on Rainbow’s parents’ side or Andre’s?

black-ish airs Wednesdays at 9:30/8:30C on ABC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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