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'black-ish' fan recap: Andre Jr., dozens master

Season 1| Episode 15 | “The Dozens”| Aired Feb 25, 2015

This week’s episode of black-ish, “The Dozens,” was so funny I nearly choked on my food (and, tmi, I eat my dinner while watching black-ish, like a lot of you do). I called last week’s episode the funniest yet, but it managed to outdo itself again. The black-ish writers have really found their groove.

Andre Jr. has a problem. He is facing a bully at school and he doesn’t know how to get rid of him. This is the opportune time for Andre to teach his son about the classic African-American art form known as “the dozens,” or “Yo Mama” jokes.

The dozens jokes aren’t focused on “Yo Mama” jokes exclusively. But I do think it is hilarious that in the montage of “Yo Mama” footage, (1) the slave ship is depicted as the Love Boat filled with a bunch of angry Isaacs and (2) they added “Yo Mama” to the end of that sweet (real-life) burn President Obama delivered to the nonstanding Republican side of the audience during his State of the Union address. That’s all his comeback really needed anyway to be complete.

Andre and Charlie are all about schooling Andre Jr. on the dozens, but neither Mr. Stevens nor Josh, the two white guys, have ever heard of the dozens—nor do they know what bullying actually is. (Their form of bullying is just continuing the microagressions America’s oppressed face every day.) To demonstrate the power of the dozens and how you can crumble the mightiest of bullies, they round on Josh and make fun of his paleness to such an acute degree that he leaves the room in shame.

Back at home, Andre is ready to teach his son the ways of the dozens. But it would appear that Andre Jr. just isn’t ready yet, despite everything Andre has told him. However, it actually just had to get filtered through Andre Jr.’s geeky Star Wars lens for it to all come together.

Not only does Andre Jr. play the dozens on the bully’s friend (the bully himself, luckily, wasn’t at school that day), but plays the dude so hard he runs away. Talking about someone’s cystic acne will do that.

His epic burn about ordering the kid’s face with cheese wards off a beatdown and earns him the favor of the bloodthirsty high school crowd, but it also lands Andre Jr. in detention. But Andre is excited about his son learning the ways of the roast. He’s even more excited when Andre Jr. clowns on Diane for being afraid of the dark and on Rainbow for having bags under her eyes. But Rainbow, suffering from sleep deprivation, is in no mood for jokes, especially when her husband is rewarding her son for callling her eye bags “luggage.” Andre has to teach the proper deployment of roasting, and that is to only do it when the other person can take it.

But Andre Jr. has to be sharp for the next day: The bully’s supposed to come back! Because of this, Andre Jr. is researching on his computer to find the dirt on his bully’s personal life. He discovers the bully’s parents are going through a divorce and his mom is on Tinder. But Andre warns him not to go the dark side.

Andre Jr. has his Anakin to Darth Vader moment when he comes face-to-face with the bully. There’s a crowd around him, hoping he’ll go on in the bully, especially since he’s invoked his knowledge about Tinder. But the bully begs Andre Jr. not to say it. It’s at this point that Andre Jr. realizes what he’s about to do. Instead, he turns the jokes on himself, calling himself one of those car-dealership air dancers.

Back at home, Andre tells his son he’s proud of him for staying on the side of good. Andre Jr. reveals that he knew he could take his own jokes, since Andre digs on him enough. This leads Andre Jr. to get his own retribution back for the years of “dozens” torment. He lets off a myriad of jokes, with “black Grimace” being my favorite. Andre’s comeback, “Raven-Symoné with a fade,” is also an instant classic.

So why is Rainbow sleep deprived? Because Diane can’t sleep. Jack is the first of the twins to sleep without his nightlight, and Diane can’t take it. As a result, she’s been keeping Rainbow awake. But Diane, being the cunning girl she is, rectifies her own situation by daring Jack to watch The Shining. Now Jack can’t make fun of Diane anymore, since they both need nightlights now.

black-ish airs Wednesdays at 9:30/8:30C on ABC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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