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'General Hospital' fan recap: Pardon our crimes

Season 51 | Episodes 215-219 | Aired Feb 9-13, 2015

Valentine’s Day is a celebration of love, but on General Hospital, very few couples found themselves in celebratory situations. In fact, some couples weren’t seen together at all!

And while we know that the missing comments section has been frustrating, as a bonus, take time to answer a few polls as you scroll through the going-ons of Port Charles.

Sonny Corinthos, a free man: Imagine if Michael had just had one more second to throw the bomb off the Haunted Star, as opposed to Sonny grabbing it and diving into the water. Wouldn’t Michael be the hero? Shouldn’t he still be regarded as one for selflessly grabbing the bomb from the banquet room in the first place? But Sonny is being hailed as a stand-alone hero, now earning himself a pardon from the governor. The governor even proclaims Sonny a respected businessman. And true, none of the mob charges ever stuck, but Sonny is still a convicted murderer. Michael tries to make this point, but the governor is having none of it, and Sonny Corinthos is now a free man.

While Michael vows revenge, Sonny makes a beeline for Kiki’s to meet his latest offspring, the adorable baby Avery. Kiki is slowly coming to terms with Ava’s presumed death, but has a hard time reconciling the idea of turning her sister over to a man who repeatedly threatened to kill their mother. Kiki recruits Alexis to consider the option of suing Sonny for custody, but in the end, does turn Avery over to her bio-dad.

Sonny also makes inroads to reclaim his life with Carly. Considering there’s no Franco-related jealousy, it was a little surprising that Sonny remembered he loves Carly. Carly is still angry over Sonny turning her away in Pentonville, despite edge to remain by Sonny’s side. Logic is probably on Sonny’s side in that one, as he was facing a life sentence. Carly argues about him walking away in the hard times (umm, again … prison), but Sonny wins her over and the two exchange a passionate kiss.

Franco and the Hollywood Hallucinations: Nina makes good on her promise to remain by Franco’s side, including when he is bound by restraints and suffering from a LSD overdose. But Franco’s wild trip continues, with very meta references to Roger Howarth’s predecessor, James Franco. Franco hallucinates himself in 127 Hours, right down to the boulder, the amputated arm, and name-checking the title. Nina pleads with him to recognize her, but Franco sees her as Anne Hathaway, apologizing for hosting the Oscars while stoned. Despite his impaired cognitive abilities, Nina vows to stay by his side and crawls into his hospital bed.

Jake’s day in court: Elizabeth pays Jake a visit at PCPD lockup and reads him the riot act for betraying her trust. Once Jake gets a word in edgewise, he explains that yes, he is guilty, but offers up the Helena mind-control information. Remembering what Lucky went through, Elizabeth is immediately swayed and retains Ric as Jake’s counsel. Ric, despite his many flaws, is somewhat of a realist when it comes to the law, and advises Jake to plead guilty, as brainwashing is a hard defense to prove. But with Elizabeth standing by his side, Jake rejects advice and pleads not guilty. Ric is angry, even more so when Jake tells Elizabeth of Ric’s instructions. Elizabeth blasts Ric, who initially stands by confidentiality, saying he can’t discuss Jake’s defense with her. But when Elizabeth pushes his buttons, Ric blurts out his role in Jake’s moving out of her home. Elizabeth sadly remarks that she doesn’t know Ric at all.

Is it still Fluke?: With fingerprints revealing Fluke as Luke, have we officially accepted that Luke Spencer is responsible for all of the atrocities committed in his name this past year? Tracy and Lulu assume that Helena is exerting some sort of mind control, and Helena promises to reveal all for full immunity. Lulu pays her father a visit in jail, where Luke reminds her that his collusion with Julian predates his time in Miscavige. If, as she asserts, he were under Helena’s control, that means all of Lulu’s family memories are a lie as well. Between Lulu and Elizabeth, Nicolas is able to finagle immunity for Helena, largely blackmailing Scott Baldwin about the fixed mayoral race. Helena puts a pen to paper about Luke and Jake, but as she leaves the precinct, viewers have no idea what she revealed.

Maxie and the incredibly poor decision-making process: Nathan, on the hunt for Carlos and Johnny, makes a beeline for Sabrina’s apartment. Sabrina doesn’t cover very well, and Nathan is able arrest Carlos, but Johnny makes a window escape. Johnny shows up on Maxie’s doorstep, asking for help. Conflicted, Maxie is initially resistant, but opts to take shower, leaving Johnny alone with her car keys and cash. To her credit, she does come clean to Nathan, but not until the next day, when Johnny is presumably long gone. Nathan is astonished that she would risk her visitation with Georgie to help Johnny, lamenting that he should be arresting her as an accessory to Johnny’s crimes. Nathan covers for Maxie with the police, and Spinelli arrives with the adorable Georgie (played by Kirsten Storms and Brandon Barash’s real life daughter Harper). But all is not well in Spinelli-land, as he arrives solo. Apparently Ellie has dumped him, citing Maxie as the reason.

Elsewhere in Port Charles: The Baby Daddy actors make their appearances. Olivia learns that while she may have a minor flu, she is also pregnant with Julian’s baby. Ned and Alexis’s Valentine’s plans don’t go well, as Ned finally confronts her about her devotion to Julian. Alexis storms off and immediately makes her way to Julian’s hospital bedside. Brad panics that Lucas has been quiet since his declaration of love and offer of cohabitation. Lucas, after a chat with his dad, stands up on a nurse’s station and pledges his love to Brad.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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