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'black-ish' fan recap: The great Valentine's (not Valentimes') war

Season 1 | Episode 15 | “Big Night, Big Fight” | Aired Feb 11, 2015

Black-ish is back, and not a moment too soon! We need to have the Johnson take on Valentine’s Day—and make sure to pronounce it Valentine’s, not Valentimes. Andre did not know about this pet peeve of Rainbow’s (which, honestly, a lot of the public shares), and his mispronunciation only escalates what was already shaping up to be a tough night.

The date starts with Andre commenting on Rainbow’s romper. Just to spite him, she keeps it on even though she originally intended to change.

The drive to the restaurant doesn’t lighten their tension. First, Rainbow criticizes the fact that Andre is taking them to the same restaurant they’ve been to every Valentine’s Day for over a decade. Just to spite her, he changes the venue to a place there they didn’t have a reservation. Second, there is the Valentimes incident, and Rainbow goes ballistic. So far, the night is no good.

Things get even worse once they arrive at the restaurant. After Andre bribes the host for a table (which they have to share with another couple), the argument gets even worse. Rainbow is probably irritated and hungry, since she is extremely annoyed when Andre takes too long with the waiter, constantly looking at the menu, asking stupid questions (yes, there are stupid questions), and going around the world just to order something as basic as chicken. He takes so long that the restaurant runs out of the short ribs Rainbow wanted. This leads to the worst thing Rainbow could say in retaliation—that Andre always ruins special occasions, even the birth of Andre Jr.

Andre has a lot of guilt surrounding Andre Jr., it seems. First it was spanking him (addressed in the earlier spanking episode), and now it’s Andre’s reaction to his son’s birth. Andre is so steamed that he gets up and goes to the bathroom where, lo and behold, other husbands are hiding out from the wives they’ve pissed off.

The bathroom attendant attempts to counsel Andre, telling him that he’s got one last chance to make things right. That chance is playing up hurt feelings so badly that Rainbow caves and says she’s sorry.

Andre gets back out there and brings up as much emotion as possible (including a single tear), but Rainbow says “I’m sorry” without any provocation. Now, Andre thinks his victory came too easily and decides not to win while he’s ahead. Andre tries to make Rainbow feel guilty about other things, like breaking his “big-headed” Magic Johnson cup. If the birth reaction wasn’t the biggest bomb dropped that night, the next bomb Rainbow decides to drop is a shocker to Andre: She never read his Hoodfellas screenplay. Now the night is officially ruined.

Or, it would be, if Rainbow and Andre didn’t have to discipline their kids for arguing over pizza and for taking on Diane as a project. The kids feel that Diane is too brutally honest because she thinks Zoey is less than smart, Jack is too much to handle, and Andre Jr. has a “long head.” However, Nice Diane is not what her parents want, so the kids use the rest of the night to turn their sister back into the mean person they know.

Dealing with the kids allows for the lines of communication to open up again. Andre and Rainbow conclude that they don’t know why they even started fighting in the first place. Somehow, they always end up getting in arguments on Valentine’s Day. But the reason for that is probably because of, as Rainbow says, “the making up” they get to do afterward. How many couples purposefully get into arguments on Valentine’s Day just for nighttime benefits? Raise your hands high.

In the end, Rainbow does read Hoodfellas and actually likes it. And Andre likes Rainbow’s romper. So it’s a win-win.

What did you think of this episode?

black-ish airs Wednesdays at 9:30/8:30C on ABC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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