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'Two and a Half Men' fan recap: Officially Louis Schmidt

Season 12 | Episode 13 | “Boompa Loved His Hookers” | Aired Feb 5, 2015

This week’s episode of Two and a Half Men starts off with Lyndsey and Alan in bed after he won her back using John Cusack’s classic “Say Anything” move. Lyndsey mentions that she sold the house before she realized she wants to stay, and now she has two weeks to find a new place to live. Alan offers to help her find a new apartment, and she accepts his help.

Walden and Ms. McMartin are in bed from the previous episode, and she is looking at him with doughy eyes while he looks petrified. “Do you believe in destiny?” she asks. “I believe in Destiny’s … Child,” he answers. She mentions all the crazy things that had to happen for them to get to this point, including her freak-out moments after Alan dumped her. She’s convinced that it all happened so that they could end up together and ends up actually giving credit to Alan.

Later, Alan comes home and gushes about rekindling his relationship with Lyndsey to Walden, then discovers Walden and Ms. McMartin are now an item. Walden contemplates keeping Ms. McMartin happy until after the adoption is final, but has reservations and feels bad about stringing her along because apparently she’s already in “love” with him.

While looking at a beautiful apartment, Alan basically tells her its perfect for her, but when Lyndsey asks Alan to move in with her, he immediately calls it a dump. “Where’s the study? Where will I write my novel?!” he says. He tells Lyndsey they’ll find a different place and he doesn’t care how long it takes. “You have two weeks,” she says.

Back at the house, Ms. McMartin is chopping things up in the kitchen when Walden walks in and screams like a little girl after seeing her with a knife. Ms. McMartin is actually doing something very sweet and making Walden crab cakes, one of his favorite foods. She also tells Walden she made his favorite dessert, but realizes it’s not “gam gam’s pie” when she removes her dress and stands in front of him nude. Later that night, Alan tells Walden that he went apartment hunting, and Walden chokes on his chips in shock. After chatting with Alan about how bad he feels about leading Ms. McMartin on, he decides that he’s going to do the right thing and break up with her before it gets too out of hand.

While Lyndsey is looking for apartments on her laptop, she gets frustrated with Alan and asks him to describe his perfect place to live. He describes the beach house to a tee, and Lyndsey realizes that Alan loves the house more than he loves her. After Alan gives her no reason to doubt her gut, she leaves in anger.

Ms. McMartin stops by the house, and before Walden can give a break up speech, she asks why he’s with her. She asks him to be honest and he tells her the truth. What’s surprising is that she admits to thinking about prolonging the adoption because she was scared that he would break up with her right after. Walden says he was about to do the right thing and break up with her right then and there. She hands him the final paperwork for the adoption and says he has a court date tomorrow to finalize everything. She says Louis will be his, congratulates him, and leaves, assuring him there will be no freak-out.

The next day, Louis is officially adopted and takes on the name Louis Schmidt! While having celebratory beers in the kitchen, Walden helps Alan realize that he broke up with a woman who knows every embarrassing thing about him and still loves him, all for a house. Alan helps Walden realize Ms. McMartin is perfect for him because they both fall in love too quickly and are both inexplicably drawn to Alan. The guys rush out of the house to find their ladies.

Walden sneaks into Ms. McMartin’s apartment and cooks grilled cheese sandwiches, only to get an elbow to the face when he surprises her. He asks her for another chance, and before she can say anything, Michael Bolton walks out of the kitchen behind her and starts singing “When a Man Loves a Woman.” While being serenaded, she corrects Walden, saying she loves Michael Bubl√©, not Bolton. Walden tells Bolton to take a hike, but not before Bolton steals some grilled cheese sandwiches. Walden and Ms. McMartin start making out, and all seems right in the world.

Alan rushes to find Lyndsey at the airport and make a big romantic gesture to stop her from leaving, just like in the movies. After rushing past TSA, he gets Lyndsey’s attention, but gets Tased at the same time. While thousands of volts are coursing through his body, he still manages to tell Lyndsey he loves her. Isn’t that romantic?

Two and a Half Thoughts

  • After a long, painful, and somethings cringeworthy journey, it’s a comfort to hear the name “Louis Schmidt.”
  • Ms. McMartin is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. In one scene she’s a lunatic, and in the next she’s as sweet as can be. Maggie Lawson is a great actress.
  • Michael Bolton loves grilled cheese sandwiches; who knew?