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'Two and a Half Men' fan recap: Officially Louis Schmidt

Season 12 | Episode 13 | “Boompa Loved His Hookers” | Aired Feb 5, 2015

This week’s episode of Two and a Half Men starts off with Lyndsey and Alan in bed after he won her back using John Cusack’s classic “Say Anything” move. Lyndsey mentions that she sold the house before she realized she wants to stay, and now she has two weeks to find a new place to live. Alan offers to help her find a new apartment, and she accepts his help.

Walden and Ms. McMartin are in bed from the previous episode, and she is looking at him with doughy eyes while he looks petrified. “Do you believe in destiny?” she asks. “I believe in Destiny’s … Child,” he answers. She mentions all the crazy things that had to happen for them to get to this point, including her freak-out moments after Alan dumped her. She’s convinced that it all happened so that they could end up together and ends up actually giving credit to Alan.

Later, Alan comes home and gushes about rekindling his relationship with Lyndsey to Walden, then discovers Walden and Ms. McMartin are now an item. Walden contemplates keeping Ms. McMartin happy until after the adoption is final, but has reservations and feels bad about stringing her along because apparently she’s already in “love” with him.

While looking at a beautiful apartment, Alan basically tells her its perfect for her, but when Lyndsey asks Alan to move in with her, he immediately calls it a dump. “Where’s the study? Where will I write my novel?!” he says. He tells Lyndsey they’ll find a different place and he doesn’t care how long it takes. “You have two weeks,” she says.

Back at the house, Ms. McMartin is chopping things up in the kitchen when Walden walks in and screams like a little girl after seeing her with a knife. Ms. McMartin is actually doing something very sweet and making Walden crab cakes, one of his favorite foods. She also tells Walden she made his favorite dessert, but realizes it’s not “gam gam’s pie” when she removes her dress and stands in front of him nude. Later that night, Alan tells Walden that he went apartment hunting, and Walden chokes on his chips in shock. After chatting with Alan about how bad he feels about leading Ms. McMartin on, he decides that he’s going to do the right thing and break up with her before it gets too out of hand.

While Lyndsey is looking for apartments on her laptop, she gets frustrated with Alan and asks him to describe his perfect place to live. He describes the beach house to a tee, and Lyndsey realizes that Alan loves the house more than he loves her. After Alan gives her no reason to doubt her gut, she leaves in anger.

Ms. McMartin stops by the house, and before Walden can give a break up speech, she asks why he’s with her. She asks him to be honest and he tells her the truth. What’s surprising is that she admits to thinking about prolonging the adoption because she was scared that he would break up with her right after. Walden says he was about to do the right thing and break up with her right then and there. She hands him the final paperwork for the adoption and says he has a court date tomorrow to finalize everything. She says Louis will be his, congratulates him, and leaves, assuring him there will be no freak-out.

The next day, Louis is officially adopted and takes on the name Louis Schmidt! While having celebratory beers in the kitchen, Walden helps Alan realize that he broke up with a woman who knows every embarrassing thing about him and still loves him, all for a house. Alan helps Walden realize Ms. McMartin is perfect for him because they both fall in love too quickly and are both inexplicably drawn to Alan. The guys rush out of the house to find their ladies.

Walden sneaks into Ms. McMartin’s apartment and cooks grilled cheese sandwiches, only to get an elbow to the face when he surprises her. He asks her for another chance, and before she can say anything, Michael Bolton walks out of the kitchen behind her and starts singing “When a Man Loves a Woman.” While being serenaded, she corrects Walden, saying she loves Michael Bublé, not Bolton. Walden tells Bolton to take a hike, but not before Bolton steals some grilled cheese sandwiches. Walden and Ms. McMartin start making out, and all seems right in the world.

Alan rushes to find Lyndsey at the airport and make a big romantic gesture to stop her from leaving, just like in the movies. After rushing past TSA, he gets Lyndsey’s attention, but gets Tased at the same time. While thousands of volts are coursing through his body, he still manages to tell Lyndsey he loves her. Isn’t that romantic?

Two and a Half Thoughts

  • After a long, painful, and somethings cringeworthy journey, it’s a comfort to hear the name “Louis Schmidt.”
  • Ms. McMartin is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. In one scene she’s a lunatic, and in the next she’s as sweet as can be. Maggie Lawson is a great actress.
  • Michael Bolton loves grilled cheese sandwiches; who knew?
TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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