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'Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce' recap: Meltdown much?

Season 1 | Episode 8 | “Rule #14: Ask the Answer Lady” | Aired Jan 20, 2015

Finally, Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce has picked up my psychic waves and is making Abby write about divorce. I have been bemoaning all this mommy-lit crap, yet it still takes eight episodes for Abby to find her voice. Maybe it’s the arrival of her salty friend Jo, played by Alanna Ubach (Jake calls her noxious; I call her delightful), or the changing dynamic between her and her husband—but whatever it is, I like the new Abby.

Abby welcomes Jo on

At first Abby is lost trying to write about divorce. She struggles to figure out how to talk about it as the Girlfriends’ Guide lady. She can’t find the right words for her tremendously high-stakes meeting where she has to create a hugely important presentation demonstrating a brand-new, fabulous, awesome Abby, separate from the Girlfriends’ Guide lady. This presentation will be the start of a brand-new career or the end of her old one. No pressure, right?

While Abby is trying to breathe life into her dying career, Charlie (and his very, very disrespectful imaginary friend Chad) spill a smoothie on her laptop, Jo blows into town, and Jake starts the directing job at The CW—all on the same day. It’s hectic for Abby, especially since she has to figure all this stuff out on her own, but not really. All of a sudden, she is weirdly dependent on Jake, and looks to him to solve her child-care issues and her computer problems. Just so you know, I roll my eyes at this. Come, on, Abby, this is all it takes to throw you off your game?

Jo arrives to stay with Abby on

Her college buddy, Jo, arrives, and it’s pretty apparent that she and Jake don’t get along. I love her from the minute I lay eyes on her, and all the middle fingers cement my adoration. Abby is frazzled, so when she runs into Phoebe in the coffee shop, her anxiety turns to nastiness. She tells Phoebe that Jake’s new CW job has him riding coattails professionally now.

Jo tells Jake what she thinks of him on

I’ll admit, this is a great line, but Abby’s snark is off-putting and just kinda mean. Jake calls her out on it, thank goodness, and says to her what I wanted to: “Figure it out, Abby.” It doesn’t help matters much that the imaginary asshole, Chad, tells his teacher to eat the corn out of his poop (although, strangely, the teacher couldn’t find a way to say the word “poop”). Abby now has to cart Charlie around with her all day. I think this is supposed to cast Abby in a real “working-mom” light, demonstrating her woes at divorced child-rearing, but it’s a weak attempt.

Like Jake, I find Abby’s helplessness frustrating. She comes out of it a little, but not until Phoebe and Jo (figuratively) shake it out of her. She and Jo have a big fight where Jo says some pretty hard stuff to her. She is brutally harsh with Abby, and I find her a more than acceptable replacement for Lyla. Please let her stick around.

Jo and Abby exchange harsh words on

Both Jo and Phoebe tell Abby her pitch is terrible and that nobody wants to hear “the answer lady” pump unicorns and sunshine all over their divorce. Jo’s figurative face-slap gives Abby the idea to present her true self to the agents. The next day, at her meeting, she gives them a little taste of the real Abby McCarthy—ball-cupping, drunk vaginas, and all. Of course they love it (why wouldn’t they?), and it looks like Abbs’ professional life is back on track. Thank goodness there’s not a midlife baby to derail it.

Good ol’ Jakey is not faring so well with Becca since the breakup, and their baggage makes for a tense working relationship. It only worsens when Abby shows up on set and interrupts Becca’s accidentally funny monologue. Jake looks like a fool, and Becca’s insecurity about them is validated. Abby’s meltdown is unwarranted, and, unlike the rest of us, she doesn’t even see the hypocrisy in her tantrum. He spent 10 years supporting her career, and she falls apart THE SAME DAY he starts working? It’s just not right, folks.

Jake is fed up with Abby on

Not right is going around. Delia delivers a super-steamy sex scene with the smoldering yet highly amiable Gordon Beech. This alone endears me to her, because we just don’t get enough R-rated stuff on this show. Abby spends the night with a male prostitute and all we get is a foot massage? Leave it Delia to turn up the heat, even if it is in lieu of any real emotional maturity.

Delia turns up the heat on

Gordon tries to express his real feelings for her, and she sabotages herself in the meeting with his wife—a weak Tory Burch knockoff. While Courtney might just be a throwaway character—another super=rich lady trying NOT to pay her husband—she does call Delia out about sleeping with Gordon. She even threatens her. At this point, Delia is a terrible lawyer and a terrible girlfriend to Gordon.

Delia and Gordon on

Phoebe’s story takes a little more of a sad turn this week: She turns into a full-blown stalker. She recruits Ralf’s new girlfriend to help her with a press event and pumps her for information. This, in addition to sitting outside a restaurant and watching them together, makes Phoebe’s journey more sad than silly. As hard as this is to watch, at least Phoebe realizes something super-important: Her baby jewelry idea is dumb, and she should abandon it immediately.

Phoebe sees her life clearly on

I didn’t get to Max and Ford this go around, but they are building toward something. I’ll let you know when they get there. Also, Alanna Ubach is amazing and I will devote MUCH more time to her. Promise.

We’re in countdown mode for the finale with only five episodes left. What would you like to see happen?

Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce airs Tuesdays at 10/9C on Bravo.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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