Season 4 | Episode 2 | “I’m a Motherf**king Scorpion, That’s Why” | Aired Jan 18, 2014
House of Lies episodes often start off with a bang—occasionally literally. Time is money, after all, and the cumulative level of patience of the entire cast of characters is approximately nil. So why not just dive right into the second episode of the season with Doug (Josh Lawson) and Sarah (Jenny Slate) asking Jeannie for her baby? Oh, and they don’t just ask. Sarah says “[they] all know that she is bound to be a terrible mother” and screams that Jeannie is “so f**cking selfish” when she declines.
“Please never let this moment end,” Clyde says, as he and Marty gleefully record the spectacularly horrific interaction. The whole ordeal goes down in an airport, the perfect setting to ask a pregnant woman to give you her unborn child and then scream at her denial. It’s tragicomic public theater at its finest.
Oh, Sarah. Sarah, Sarah—we love you so! Old Doug was a purely pitiable character, and the number-crunching, dorky Pod member has gained so much from you. You are, as Jeannie says, “batshit crazy,” but somehow it’s a perfectly dovetailed counterpoint to Old Doug’s beige personality. Doug can still be a doormat, but since he met you, he’s attempted to scam a vulnerable woman (Doug’s a cheater? He does belong!) and even wonder if life would be better if you were dead. You’ve exposed Doug’s true colors, and they aren’t beige at all. They are frighteningly dark, as dark as the rest of the team’s souls. Don’t ever change, Sarah.
After The Pod members board their flight, a metaphor becomes tragically literal: Everything that’s “up in the air” on the show is addressed. While they’re in the air. Fine, House of Lies . Let’s just try not to do something this on the nose again.
“Scorpion” spills its guts all at once, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Lies leans heavily on pace, but there are things weighing it down this week. At least the rundown of what we learn is somewhat straightforward as a result:
Jeannie asks Marty how Roscoe is doing, but Marty rebuffs her attempt at conversation, opting instead to tell her a fable that he used to read Roscoe. The familiar fable involves a frog skeptical of accepting a ride across a river from a scorpion who ultimately believes the scorpion won’t harm him. After the scorpion stings him mid-ride, ensuring both of their deaths, the frog asks, “Why?” To which, Marty paraphrases, the scorpion replies, “‘Cause I’m a motherf**cking scorpion, that’s why.” Moral of the story? Jeannie’s the scorpion. Marty has decided she’s a dishonest person, and that her dishonesty “doesn’t seem to have an off switch.” It’s his version of “fool me once…”
Marty’s cellmate, Gabe, is revealed to have a man-crush on Ellis Hightower via flashback, the aging tech wunderkind The Pod met with at a funeral in episode 1 . Marty informs Gabe that Ellis’s position at his company, Gage Motors, isn’t as secure as he thinks, and that his hero worship is unfounded because Hightower is about to be “sitting on the sidelines of his own company.” Gabe consoles Hightower regarding the upcoming “coup” when they next see each other, but Ellis is surprised—so Gabe points him to Marty. Hightower eventually begs Marty to ensure he’s not pushed out.
We learn through a separate flashback that around this time, Jeannie and The Pod are attempting to stir the pot at Gage, approaching Dante Valerio, the chairman of the board. Jeannie insults Valerio, saying that “for a billionaire, you’re kind of a dumbshit.” Oh, and she also calls him change-averse, which likely sets into motion the events that put Ellis’s position at risk.
Monica is on the flight and both calls Jeannie “Fatso” and insinuates Jeannie is lying about Edwin, the alleged baby daddy. She reveals Marty petitioned to be placed in the same prison as Ellis Hightower, and she admits to spreading rumors besmirching Jeannie’s honor.
Jeannie admits to Marty that she isn’t an honest person. And then she tells him that her baby is actually his. That’s not confusing!
So. Marty used his prison term to enact a long con. It involved collusion with Jeannie, which is why he was in prison in the first place. But why is he so angry with Jeannie? The collusion wasn’t the original reason the FBI raided Kaan & Associates—DollaHyde’s bad books were. And while Jeannie did give info to her “friend” at the FBI, so what? She traded a problematic account for a much larger one (the DOJ). She did it illegally, behind Marty’s back, and it had major consequences. But how exactly did her choices differ so drastically from the no good, horrible, very bad choices everyone else was making? She did what she had to do to bring in big business.
Marty and Jeannie seem to have created a crisis at Gage Motors that only Kaan & Associates can solve. It would be beautiful in its simplicity, if only House of Lies still worked that way. The smooth-talking, slick, wink-wink days are over, at least for now. It’s hard to tell how the show plans to get its groove back, but surely it does. After this week’s information dump of an episode, next week should be a wild ride rather than a long flight.
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<p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p>
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