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'Hart of Dixie' recap: This is happening

Season 4 | Episode 2 | “The Curling Iron” | Aired Jan 16, 2015

Hart of Dixie wants you to know that even though Rachel Bilson is (or was at the time) pregnant and has to hide her belly behind potted plants, her character, Zoe Hart, is just coming to grips with the reality that there are nine different positive pregnancy tests lined up single file on her dresser. Even doctors forget to check the expiration date on their prophylactics. It could happen to anyone. But it’s happening to Zoe, and she wants to keep it a secret. That’s going to be difficult with the lurking busybodies of Bluebell.

Lavon eyes Zoe at breakfast and finally tells her that he knows what’s going on. Clearly she had a fight with Wade. As if on cue, Wade walks in the kitchen looking like a hot lumberjack in a flannel shirt and jeans, but somber in general. Lavon asks him what’s wrong?

Wade: Could it be the fact that I told Zoe I loved her and she slammed the door in my face?

Zoe isn’t the only one keeping secrets. Brick and Shelby are still hiding their relationship from everyone. Well, everyone except AB, who walks in on them making out in Brick’s office. After a panic attack over Shelby’s baby, AB urges Zoe to talk, but Zoe deflects. Thankfully Rose walks in. Zoe scrambles to follow Rose, leaving AB stewing in her ever-expanding web of secrets.

It’s time to add Lemon’s fake beau Henry Dalton to the long list of secret keepers. George and Lavon learn that Dr. Henry sends two dozen roses to his mother every single week. George thinks it’s fishy. He and Lavon visit the flower shop to investigate. Lavon uses his rugged good looks and two Super Bowl rings to convince Daisy to hand over the address where the flowers are delivered. Road trip!

Just outside, Lemon approaches Wade, who’s sitting on a bench. He is obviously hurting and she is going to help her friend by giving sound advice. He needs to apologize to Zoe for being an idiot. She tells him to get a haircut. I tell him to take off his shirt. He did neither. So I decided to throw back to season 2.

Hart of Dixie

I thought you might like the big version.

Over at the school, Zoe has been recruited by Rose to give a sex talk to the young girls of Bluebell. Of course. She recites a detailed overview of the human reproductive system. When the Q&A portion of the snoozefest arrives, the girls jump off their smartphones and pepper the good doctor with burning questions. At the mention of “condom,” Zoe’s hormones get the best of her again and she lectures a gaggle of tweens that sex is forbidden. Once again, another friend asks Zoe to explain her behavior. The exchange that followed is extremely creative and entertaining dialog:

Hart of DixieZoe: I got something unexpected in the mail. A curling iron. I didn’t even order it.
Rose: You don’t like curling irons?
Zoe: I love curling irons. I just figured when my life was settled, I would… have curly hair.
Rose: Can you return the curling iron?
Zoe: I could return the curling iron, but I want to keep this one. I love the manufacturer. Curling irons like this might not come around again. And I have room in my bathroom. I just feel overwhelmed about having curly hair for the next 18 years.

Brilliant writing. Adorable acting.

Speaking of acting, AB is doing her best to hold it together at the bon voyage party for Grandma Bettie. This crafty old biddy uses big, fruity drinks filled with alcohol to entice a jittery AB to unload her burdens. Smelling weakness is one of Bettie’s gifts, and AB has “wounded gazelle” written all over her.

When Brick and Lemon see that AB is about to purge herself of secrets, both become a little too paranoid and realize the other is hiding something. Brick professes his love for Shelby. Lemon comes clean about Dr. Henry. Brick’s face softens. He marches over to his mother and tells her the truth about Shelby. Lemon acts shocked and AB heads for the bar.

Meanwhile, George and Lavon head to Mobile to confront the weekly rose recipient. They ask the man of the house if he thinks his wife is cheating with Henry? At that moment, two dozen roses arrive and the maid swoons. George and Lavon do what any courageous friends would do in a situation like this. They leak the cheating scandal to the blogger.

Wade decides to try again with Zoe. He invites her to dinner and pours his heart out. They are going to take it slow and build a solid foundation built on dates, crappy movies with subtitles, and goodnight kisses. The weight of the world crashes down on Zoe. She looks Wade in the eyes and tells him that it will never happen. Then she leaves him dumbfounded at the dinner table.

Later that night, AB and Lemon follow a trail of cookies and find Zoe sitting fully clothed in the empty bathtub, covered in crumbs. Lemon kneels down and calmly tells Zoe that she is going to be a good mother because she is tough, kind, and smart. Jamie King knocked this line out of the park, and I can’t help assuming that the real Jamie was speaking directly to the real Rachel at that moment. It was extremely sweet.

Lemon returns home to find that Grandma Breeland and Shelby have more in common than a love for Brick. Bottled blondes and lovers of showtunes, unite! Just as Bettie blesses her son’s relationship and hands a hefty check over to Lemon, Officer Bill arrives, ready to arrest Dr. Henry for being a fraud. The story is all over town, thanks to the blog. Lemon comes clean and Grandma Bettie tears up the check. So close.

The drama continues when Wade runs into Zoe. With a determined look on her face, Zoe tells Wade she is having his baby. He laughs. It’s not the reaction one would hope to receive upon this blessed news, but Zoe assures him that she doesn’t expect anything from him. She’s going to do this on her own.

Quotable Quips

Wade: I heard and you and Tucker had a “my hose is bigger than your hose” contest at the fire practice yesterday. Wish I had been there to see that.

Bettie: You smell of weakness. And a hint of marmalade.
AB: I make jam sometimes.

Zoe: I’m going to be a terrible mother. Look at my mother!
Lemon: Your mother was Marry Poppins compared to mine. Look how I turned out!

Bilson Baby Bump Bingo
Leaves of a potted plant
Youth group girl
Lab coat
Popcorn bucket
Box of cookies

Hart of Dixie airs Fridays at 8/7C on The CW.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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