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'The Librarians' recap: And then there was one

Season 1 | Episode 8 | “And the Heart of Darkness” | Aired Jan 11, 2015

This week, the Librarians make like some meddling kids in a haunted-house homage. But this is really Cassandra’s episode, as she struggles to assert an active role on the team rather than merely being Math Girl support. But first, a haunting!

The magical ley lines have broken, and Jenkins has sent the Librarians to the Slovakian forest to mend them. Left unanchored, the ley lines may build up and explode all over Slovakia. Cassandra visualizes the wavy vertices of unanchored ley lines on the multidimensional map, but bristles when Ezekiel calls her Math Girl. A handheld device that goes PING! shows the ley lines have converged nearby. Broken ley lines mean wild magic, which can translate into a powerful haunting. Like, say, in the nearby 19th-century American frontier house randomly located in the middle of the Slovakian forest from which a young woman covered in blood (Katie) just fled? Looks like.

A-haunting they must go!

Cassandra passes out scrolls that will anchor the energies when positioned in the house at the cardinal directions. She strongly objects when Eve sidelines her to watch over Katie while she, Ezekiel, and Jake set the scrolls. Despite successfully anchoring the ley lines, the Librarians must still save Katie’s missing friends from the malevolent house. Each room sports the same wonky painting of the house with a very unhappy looking family. Jake realizes the house’s dimensions are off when the upstairs hall goes all wibbly-wobbly. To add to the creep factor, Eve has a vision of Kate’s missing friends being attacked by a Smoke Man with a crate hammer. When finally contacted, Jenkins congratulates her on turning a bad situation into a worst-case scenario. “Huh-zah-ha!” he singsongs. Jenkins may have a lower profile this week, but he makes it count!

He runs through the six known mystery houses and concludes that the Librarians have landed in the Shatter Box, which typically appears in one place, feeds off victims, and moves on to the next dining location. Ruh-roh. Eve interrupts Jenkins’ info dump: “I don’t need the whole real estate ad from hell!” Clearly she’s never searched for an apartment in New Jersey.

In order to defeat the house, the Librarians must find and destroy its dark heart. Oh, and they only have until midnight. At least Eve is not running barefoot through the forest in the middle of the night wearing a white nightgown. Yet. Ezekiel grouses over the midnight deadline: “Who makes these rules?” I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess … Librarians? He’s the first one who disappears, leaving behind only a full-scale miniature of the house as a clue.

And then there were four.

Downstairs, Smoke Man attacks in earnest and Katie’s name appears on a wall in flames. Eve orders Cassandra and Katie to take the car and go back to the Annex, despite Cassandra’s protests that she’s part of the team. Eve: “We are not a team. You are the Librarians; I am the Guardian.” She wants at least one of the Librarians to make it back to Jenkins. She’s not totally wrong, but given Cassandra’s proven herself to be indispensable already—how quickly they forget Prince Charming!—this seems like more than a few steps backward.

When Katie wonders why she conceded, Cassandra sadly explains about her tumor and how she’s seen as the team member who’s useful but unreliable. Katie defends that Eve must trust Cassandra, since Eve is relying on Cassandra to get Katie to safety, and not the man who wanted to burn the house down (Jake) or the one who ran away (Ezekiel). Point.

Smoke Man attacks the car, forcing the girls back into the house. This is when I notice Cassandra is wearing denim lederhosen. Along with Eve, they fruitlessly try to block out Smoke Man; upstairs, Jake discovers the dollhouse and—you guessed it—disappears.

And then there were three.

Inside the Dollhouse, Ezekiel learns that the house will give him anything he wishes for, like an Xbox One and a pint. Baffled, Jake examines the photographs on the wall, which show the house going all the way back to before 960 AD—years of happy families before something went very wrong.

Eve demands to know what the house wants, and Katie’s name appears again on the wall in blood. Smoke Man attacks and Eve again orders Cassandra and Katie to run, even though Cassandra just saved her with a well-timed chair to Smoke Man’s head. When Cassandra decides to go back, Katie forgets which page of the story she’s on and calls Cassandra the wrong name. Whoops. Katie’s eyes roll white and she drops the façade; it’s not the house who’s possessed.

Alone with the real evil, Cassandra flees into the house in time to spy Eve’s unconscious body being dragged up the stairs by Smoke Man and into the dollhouse room.

And then there were two.

She skulks after Eve to find a group of ghosts in the dollhouse room, victims of Katie and her serial-killer family, the Bloody Venders. Katie stalks Cassandra and monologues about how she’s the Angel of Death to whom the magic house whispers. Cassandra realizes Katie is the dark heart that needs to be destroyed. She begs the house to help her STOP THE MADNESS and makes a wish to save her friends. The smoke takes possession of Cassandra, giving her the crate hammer, which she wields to gut Katie, who dissolves into dust.

And then there was one.

Inside the now antique-interior-designed dollhouse, Jake and Ezekiel argue over what they could do with the house while Eve nurses her black eye and mild concussion on the couch. Smoke Man appears, but Cassandra steps out from behind him to explain that the house doesn’t grant wishes; it helps people in need. Smoke Man transforms into a kindly formal butler bearing a cold pack for Eve’s eye. Cassandra introduces the true spirit of the House of Refuge.

The Librarians decamp. Cassandra, secure now in her abilities and her place on the team, smugly takes command while Eve sleeps off her injuries in the back seat. As they drive away, the House of Refuge vanishes to re-manifest as the dollhouse in the trunk, ready to take its place in the Annex.

Fin.

Quippy Goodness:

Ezekiel: It’s a bloody sign, mate: Keep Off the Grass.

Ezekiel: This is exactly the point of the movie where the guy in the audience says, ‘Get the hell out!’

Ezekiel: Why does nobody listen to the guy in the movies? Movie guy is always right.

Jake: You really wish you had something to shoot, don’tcha?

Eve: God, I want something to shoot!

Ezekiel: This house is the Star Trek transporter—or even the TARDIS!

The Librarians airs Sundays at 8/7C on TNT.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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class="article content body clearfix"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile " data-tracking-zone="bottom-recirc" > <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component" data-tracking-zone=outbrain-bottom> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="ew" > </div> </div> <div id="ad-728x90_FT_td_1" class="ad ad-container ad-wrapper desktop-ad tablet-ad " data-dimensions="728x90" data-tgxtargeting="%7B%22ft%22%3A%221%22%7D" data-tgxlazy="200" > </div> <div id="ad-300x250_FT_m_1" class="ad ad-container ad-wrapper mobile-ad " data-dimensions="300x250" data-tgxtargeting="%7B%22ft%22%3A%221%22%7D" data-tgxupdatecorrelator="true" data-tgxlazy="200" > </div> <div class="component feed clearfix bottom-recirc" 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