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'Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce' recap: People like dark

Season 1 | Episode 6 | “Rule #33: When in Doubt, Run Away” | Aired Jan 6, 2014

I have to say, I totally disagree with Abby this week on Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce. In a very meta moment, Abby tells her publisher that nobody wants to read about divorce because it’s so ugly, but like Missy says, “People like dark,” and things got a little dark this week.

I like dark, ugly, and messy. So do you. This is what this show does best; it deglamorizes these very glamorous women and sometimes makes them look extremely foolish. I know I’m not the only one suffering from a wicked case of schadenfreude; everybody likes a good nut shot, and these ladies just keep on taking licks.

Abby, Phoebe and Delia get ready to head to Vegas in

This week, the ladies take the show on the road. Phoebe invites Delia and Abby to come with her to some silly baby convention where she is promoting her new jewelry line. She doesn’t invite Lyla, initially, but the awkward quotient is way too low without her, so Abby unwittingly asks her to come. I like it best when all the ladies are together; their chemistry is what drives this show and makes it hard to turn away, even when you really want to.

Abby rallies and decides to do party Vegas on

For instance, when Abby’s head is in a toilet after she’s taken on Vegas is hard to watch, but I wouldn’t miss it. All the Cleo Stephens talk puts Abby in a foul mood, and this “Back Burner Baby bitch” is coming after her pretty hard. She ditches “mellow Vegas” for “party Vegas,” and things quickly go south after tequila drinks hit an empty stomach. I like angry Abby far more than I do sad, drunk Abby. Seeing Abby ugly-cry while her friends hold her hair back is relatable to me, and I know I’m not the only one. This is what I want in my shows: the messy, the uncomfortable, the awkward. It’s this kind of stuff that allows me to forgive Abby for having three different Birkin bags and offering to pay her husband’s $4,500 rent.

Phoebe gets serious at Blackjack on

Abby rallies, though, and joins the girls at the blackjack tables. She’s a terrible jinx, so the ladies shoo her off, which is opportune. As she pounds back a giant pizza, Carl the Gigolo saves her from Glen, the lurking, married, dirtbag (sorry to all the Glens of the world, but man, this guy is a douche). Carl is an absolute dreamboat, of course, but when it becomes clear that Abby is going to have to pony up for his fees, you can see a lightbulb go off. She pays him, but not for that (insert sigh of disappointment).

Gigilo Carl gives Abby a little inspiration on

With the appearance of Gigolo Carl in this episode, I am momentarily hopeful that Abby is finally going to get a little, ahem, attention from somebody worth our time (my apologies to Will, but I just couldn’t get on board). Even though she pays him, they just talk all night and they wind up falling asleep together, fully clothed. YAWN.

Carl gives Abby a foot rub andnot much else on

The only action Abby sees is from a tripping Jake. who has wandered away from Becca and her shaman in the woods. Jake and Abby have a sweet moment, and I won’t detract from it with my snark because I love these two. I’ve given up hope that they will reunite; after all, the show is called Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce, not Girlfriends’ Guide to Reconciliation, but it was good to see them together.

Jake and Becca don’t really feel organic to the story to me, and apparently Becca feels the same. She forces Jake to attend a retreat with her because their sex is too physical and she doesn’t feel connected to him. Poor girl. She’s the only one who can’t really see their relationship through the midlife lens that the rest of us do.

While Becca and Jake are heavily drugged and going through some hardcore drug-induced mind meld, Becca wants to push closer to Jake, but all he wants to do is go home—home being Abby’s. He also briefly mentions wanting to direct, but I don’t care as much about that. He sets out walking, after leaving his T-shirt with Becca (to sniff, presumably?), and winds up in Abby’s living room cradling a baby gourd, wearing the top half of a tuxedo.

While all this sounds like a real lady-wood-killer, Abby is drunk enough to find it endearing. Their sweet moment on the couch turns into a pretty steamy kiss. To be perfectly honest, I don’t know how to feel about his. On the one hand, I feel satisfied that my shipping itch has been scratched, but I know it’s all for naught. I’m reluctant to celebrate too much because I know it’s short-lived. If you believe the previews, Abby even has a pregnancy scare next week.

Let me get this straight, Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce. Abby McCarthy is too old to date 28-year-old Will (who is played by a 40-year-old actor, by the way), but young enough to have a baby? Come on, folks. Really? I just can’t reconcile where this show falls on age.

Lyla tries to forget her custody worries on

A few tidbits worth mentioning: Phoebe almost kills a baby when he chokes on one of her bracelets; Delia has some mysterious and secretive relationship with her father that we don’t know anything about yet; and Lyla lost her custody battle and is possibly stealing her children from their father.

What do you think GG2D is doing right? Who is your favorite girlfriend? What is going terribly wrong? Who needs to go?

Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce airs Tuesdays at 10/9C on Bravo.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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