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'Parenthood' New Year's resolutions: No goodbyes

Exercise. Drink more water. Drink less wine. Shave somewhat regularly. Resolutions are fun to write, but less fun to keep. With NBC’s Parenthood nearing its final episode on Jan. 29, my list this year definitely includes “get out of bed on Jan. 30” (which might end up being the hardest to keep of them all). What kind of resolutions do you think the members of the Braverman family make? In an effort to distract myself from the heightened sense of impending doom we’re getting from the new promo of Parenthood‘s final episodes, I decided to make a few for them.

Don’t judge me. I’m in a fragile state.

Crosby: Crosby has had some difficulties adjusting to all that life has thrown at him in 2014, and has reverted back to his irresponsible ways more than a time or two. Here’s hoping 2015 brings enough maturity back to Crosby to help him get his life back on track, but not so much he loses his fun-loving side. Let’s be honest, a fully responsible Crosby wouldn’t be the same.

Crosby’s resolutions:

  • Wear a helmet.
  • Stop keeping weed in top dresser drawer … or in the house at all.

Sarah: Remember “The Year of Sarah?” Yeah, apparently neither does she. 2014 saw Sarah go from committing herself to, well, herself, to turning around and getting sucked right back into a relationship. A relationship that I question she’s fully satisfied with.

I hope 2015 brings Sarah a restored sense of herself; both personally and professionally.

Sarah’s resolutions:

  • Revive photography career independent of Hank.
  • Revive “The Year of Sarah,” or, if she must …
  • Find Dr. Carl and tell him a monumental mistake was made in letting him go.

Kristina: After losing the mayoral election, Kristina found a new cause when son Max was being bullied and not getting the attention he needed at school. Her solution? To build a charter school for kids with disabilities, and to run it herself (of course). Always one to fight for the underdog, Kristina’s intentions are pure and her heart as gold as her hair, but without a qualified headmaster (WHERE DID YOU GO, MR. KNIGHT?), I’m not optimistic. Sorry, Kristina.

Kristina’s resolutions:

  • Get a teaching degree.
  • Call Haddie.

Adam: As usual, Adam spent much of 2014 being everyone else’s rock. From trying to be the sensible one in his business partnership with Crosby, to supporting Kristina’s dreams to the point of detriment to his own business, Adam has been there for everyone. I hope 2015 will find him chasing a dream of his own, or at the very least, working on his dance moves.

Adam’s resolutions:

  • Locate backbone.
  • Call Haddie.

Joel and Julia: With the most difficult year of their relationship over, it’s a good bet that Joel and Julia are looking to 2015 to bring a big renewal to their marriage. Since they obviously have decided to give things another go, it’s no longer necessary to pick teams, for us or for them. Let’s just all agree to play for the same one, shall we?

Joel and Julia’s resolutions:

  • Communicate.
  • Communicate.
  • Communicate.

Amber: 2014 was a tough ride for Amber, as well (come to think of it, did any Braverman have a great year?). With her boyfriend gone, her job in jeopardy, and a new baby on the way, the year has ended with all kinds of uncertainty. One thing’s for certain, early 2015 will bring with it a swift amount of responsibility … hopefully.

Amber’s resolutions:

  • Lay off the weed.
  • Babyproof garage apartment.

Zeek: As we all know, the end of 2014 was devastating for Zeek. With his health—and life—in a precarious place, let’s all hold hands, squeeze our eyes shut, and hope that 2015 brings strength to our fearless leader, and he’s once again back to his old self.

Zeek’s resolution:

  • Stay alive.

All kidding aside, the biggest resolution I wish I could make for every member of the Braverman family for 2015 is simple: no goodbyes. Yet sadly, much like my own list, I know it’s not to be.

Parenthood returns Jan. 8 at 10/9C on NBC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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