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'Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce' recap: Better on paper

Season 1 | Episode 4 | “Rule #426: Fantasyland: A Great Place to Visit” | Aired Dec 23, 2014

It’s okay to be glib about divorce, I promise; Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce says so. This week starts out with promise of a new relationship for Abby, but the question of the night, folks, is, “What about Nate?”

Nate reveals to Abby that he

For one, he is some biggie movie producer who makes romantic comedies and won an Oscar (more on that tidbit later) presented by Sidney Poitier. The fact that he even tells this story makes me like him less, but Abby loves it. She is totally smitten with him after all those intimate emails they exchanged, but something doesn’t sit well with me.

Abby is distrated with her text-tionship with Nate on Girlfriends

Abby is distracted with text flirting; she’s blushing and coyly giggling. It’s not my favorite Abby, but we’ve all been there, so I will forgive her the late-onset adolescence. She does, however, look up from her phone long enough to see Phoebe kissing a very handsome European man who is one-half of an exotic couple at school. Judgment ensues.

Phoebe has a secret kiss with a married man on Girlfriends

This resonates with Abby. The next morning at drop-off duty, she tries to break up with Nate. He replies, with a smug giggle, “This is going to make the best reveal: I’ve left my wife.” He reads so insincere that I can’t tell if he’s joking, but Abby gets all moony anyway, and their stilted banter continues. See? It’s okay to be glib.

Here is where I totally abandoned the Nate ship. At first he seems all adorably bookish and nerdy, but tonight’s episode really brings out the sliminess in him. He is constantly assessing their situation for its value as a rom-com moment, and his use of the term “meet-cute” made me throw up in my mouth a little.

It gets increasingly worse throughout their first date. Abby is not as disgusted as I am at this point, and she seems to have a good time. They laugh and talk over dinner, and while Abby has a little existential moment in taking her ring off, I notice that Nate is still wearing his. This aside, he seems like he likes her, and when the date moves to a record store (yes, an actual vinyl-record store), he goes in for a kiss. He flinches because he says it’s too cliché. Ugh. The smarm is strong in this one.

They don’t kiss there, but Nate decides that the porch kiss is not quite right either, so he contrives a scene with the sprinkler and an umbrella so it can happen in the rain. It is brutal to watch, and all the anticipation really kills it. Abby has to dash off anyway when Nate’s kid arrives suddenly, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She is desperately trying to make it into something that everybody (except her) can see that it isn’t.

Abby and Nate almost share a first kiss on Girlfriends

Her delusions don’t last long, however, because when sexy time comes around, it is worse than the horrible kiss. So, so much worse. Nate says a lot of words, but not the sexy kind, then climbs on top of her, flailing and writhing, but not the sexy kind of that either. He rolls off and says, no kidding, “Is your tongue usually that cold?”

Abby, bless her heart, stays the night anyway, and the next morning is the most cringe-worthy scene of the season so far. Nate gets up, obviously not happy about having to do so, and when Abby tries to speak, he says, “Mornings are not for talking. They’re for contemplating suicide.” He then makes his way to the bathroom, where he goes about his sit-down business with the door wide open. RUN, ABBY, RUN.

Abby tries to talk to Max about Nate, but he is just generally sour. It seems that he and Ford aren’t getting along because Ford is bossy as hell, and Max is a giant grouch. I don’t care as much as I should about this couple, so I don’t really care that they got into a big fight at the Family Equality Council Gala or that Max feels underappreciated, blah, blah.

Lyla has a surprise encounter on Girlfriends

I care much more about Lyla’s impending implosion that is absolutely on the horizon. She had a rough week this week. Her anger issues have made their way into the custody battle, and she seems like a simmering pot waiting to blow. Phoebe tries to help by sending a hunky masseuse/prostitute over to help Lyla “relax,” but the poor guy takes a punch to the face when he (as Lyla describes it) “started pulling on my labia.” Lyla and Phoebe have a giant fight at the gala and Lyla seems sad. Dan’s constant financial needs are starting to wear her down. Let’s all hate Dan for it, shall we?

Abby finally comes to her senses about Nate and goes to his set to break it off. He agrees that they suck together, and they are both very mature and adult about the whole thing. As a parting gift, Abby asks him to finish his story about the night he won the Oscar. Come to find out, Nate pooped his pants at the Oscars and stank up the press room right after. Then and there, Abby decides never to have sex with him again.

Laverne Cox makes a cameo on Girlfriends

Worth mentioning:

  • The cameo from Laverne Cox, even though her thunder was stolen a little by Ford and Max’s dumb fight.

  • Phoebe is now in a threeway with the foreign couple.

Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce airs Tuesdays at 10/9C on Bravo.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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clearfix"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it an <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile "> <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component"> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="ew" > </div> </div> <interaction data-token="59d54344f64720010063394c" data-context="true" data-tags="" data-fallback="true"></interaction> <div class="component feed clearfix bottom-recirc" data-endpoint="/element-api/content-proxy/documents"data-request-data="%7B%22count%22%3A6%2C%22crops%22%3A%22thumbnail%2Cmarquee_large_2x%2Capp_list_thumbnail_2x%22%2C%22page%22%3A2%2C%22types%22%3A%22article%2Cgallery%2Crecipe%22%7D"data-partial="tile"data-variation="bottom-recirc"data-flair-size="30"data-type="feed"data-title="You May 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