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'Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce' recap: A different kind of alone

Season 1 | Episode 3 | “Rule #47: Always Take Advantage of ‘Me’ Time” | Aired Dec 16, 2014

Last week on Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce, Abby and Jake officially imploded, and Abby unofficially hired a slimy new lawyer, Delia. Jake got an apartment, and Lila’s husband announced he was going to sue her for full custody.

This week, Abby and Jake are living separately, and the new routine gets a little rocky. In the opening scenes, Jake comes over to take the kids to school, collecting their bags and engaging in some emotionally loaded small talk. While Jake’s there, however, we get a little taste of the new rules of (dis)engagement: Don’t buy the kids’ love, don’t trash talk the other parent, and definitely, absolutely, never, ever introduce them to a significant other.

After a mildly confrontational encounter with Jake, Abby tells the girlfriends over coffee that she feels free now. They all agree that not having a husband around is so much better than having one around. You know, because of all the annoying stuff they do: chewing, farting, existing.

Abby and Jake navigate the new rules of (dis)engagement

Lyla is particularly embittered after her ex’s bombshell. She even signs up to do story time at the kids’ school in a push to seem more available to them. This storyline is tiptoeing around yuck and doesn’t make Lyla a very sympathetic character. It takes an even uglier turn later, when she sends the nanny to the school when she can’t make it. I know it’s supposed to shine a light on the glaringly apparent double standard between working moms and working dads, but all it really does is make her seem like a crap mom.

In Lyla’s defense, however, she had to miss story time because that sneaky Delia was working to double-cross her with a big, smarmy, Hollywood-esque client. Delia is an opportunist, and it seems she is out for Lyla’s job. This would explain all the animosity on Lyla’s part, but frankly, this is the least interesting thing going on this week, and it is a little clichéd in an otherwise interesting episode.

Lyla is distrustful of Delia

While Abby is having coffee with her girl-buds, she is simultaneously being stood up by her brother, Max, which doesn’t seem like something we should care about at first. Then we find out that Max is helping Jake move into his new apartment, with built-in domestic violence upstairs and a coke dealer in the courtyard. It’s a charming place. This whole bromance was giving me pause last week, but I’m really fed up now. I just can’t with all their entitled talk about how they were friends first. Ugh. Shut up, already.

Jake even calls Max when his night with the kids starts to tank. Max is out on a date with husband Ford, who suggests Max stay out of it. That’s really good advice, but it is quickly forgotten when the opportunity to sing karaoke with a CW actress arises. In a moment of pure panic, Jake asks his girlfriend Becca to help salvage the night, and Max and Ford waste no time joining that party. I am trying so hard not to want to punch Jake in the nads, but he just can’t help himself. He gets douchier (although cuter) every week.

Until Becca arrives, Lilly is acting like a real asshole (it’s okay for me to say that—I have a teenage daughter) when Jake was merely trying to make the night a success. Yeah, yeah. I get it. But when Abby sees her ex, their two children, his new and beautiful girlfriend, and her brother having the time of their lives on Instagram, it becomes too much.

Before that, though, Abby’s night of “me” time starts out well enough, but all it takes is the prospect of writing an entire book about menopause to start her downward spiral. Off come the pants, up goes the bottom of the bottle, and out comes Bridget Jones’s Diary. By the time she finally calls Lyla, she is a sniveling mess. Rock bottom comes when she gets her fingers caught in the window Jake didn’t fix and has to be rescued by a hunky paramedic. She’s naked, by the way.

The girlfriends help Abby survive her first night without the kids.

Lyla and Phoebe come to rescue her from being alone-alone, and they do quite a bit of self-medicating. When the party winds up in Lilly’s room, Abby finds herself standing on her daughter’s bed, holding a joint, shouting at the signed Becca Riley picture. In a drug-fueled judgment lapse, the three grown women deface the poster by adding armpit hair and face wrinkles. Abby realizes too late that her daughter is going to freak out, and they try to find another one to replace it. Of course they can’t, but Delia rescues them, looking like someone Photoshopped her into the frame. Did I mention I hate her?

In the light of day, Abby confronts Jake about breaking the rules, and he confesses that the thing with Becca might be serious. I don’t believe him, but I think Abby does. She seems hurt, and I’m pretty sure that was the point. I find myself sorta shipping these two, but that would be counterintuitive to the whole premise of the show, right? Am I just a dreamer?

The episode ends with Abby and Max coming to terms with the weirdness with Jake. Max promises Abby “first dibs” on emotional support, and Abby allows the men to be friends. I’m only mildly satisfied by this, just so you know.

The very last moments of the episode are spent on Lyla. She is called into the principal’s office to be scolded about sending the nanny, but she isn’t having it. She dismisses the whole thing coldly and unilaterally. That is going to come back to her as well, but it was pretty badass, nonetheless.

What’s your take on Abby and Jake’s changing relationship? Are you ready for Becca to take a flying leap like I am?

Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce airs Tuesdays at 10/9C on Bravo.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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