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'Two and a Half Men' recap: Alan is one cool dad

Season 12 | Episode 6 | “Alan Shot a Little Girl” | Aired Dec 4, 2014

Strange title right? It’ll make sense as we go. Episode 6 of Two and a Half Men starts out with Walden and Alan treating their new foster kid Louis out to lunch. Walden is trying to get Louis to learn Mandarin through an app he bought for 99 cents.

While Louis has headphones on trying to learn, Alan asks Walden about how this whole “co-parenting” thing will work now that they may have to stay married for six months. Alan makes it clear that he’s not complaining—this is the happiest he has been throughout all three of his marriages. Alan agrees to follow Walden’s lead when it comes to the parenting and to have his back since he has so much experience with Jake.

While helping Louis with his Mandarin, Walden meets a beautiful Chinese woman named Jean who corrects his speech. She’s fluent in Mandarin, offers to help Walden with “anything,” and gives him her number. Louis manages to say something he typed into the app and Jean promptly takes back her number and politely walks away. Alan looks at the app and reveals he said, “They’re married.” Wah wah.

Later, Ms. McMartin visits Louis at home. While they speak on the back porch, Walden and Alan try to read his lips to see whether he likes living with them. The two walk back into the house and Berta takes Louis into the kitchen to hang out. Ms. McMartin tells them that she’s impressed that they are teaching him Mandarin—and how to pee in the shower. Louis seems to feel comfortable, so she sees no reason why Walden and Alan can’t be his new foster parents. As she leaves, she mentions her plans to make Christmas stockings for each of her cats. Oh, Ms. McMartin, you’ve got future Walden love interest written all over you. They tell Louis the good news and he excitedly asks “Zippy” if they can get pizza to celebrate. Looks like Berta’s working her magic on the kid.

Later that night, Alan and Louis are playing video games when Walden interrupts, telling Louis it’s time for bed. He asks for more time, but Walden is stern on the rules and says no. After Walden leaves, Louis tells Alan a sad story about not being able to play video games at the group home, which melts Alan’s heart; he lets him play one more game before bed. In the morning, Louis asks for cookies for breakfast. Alan says no but again is given a sob story about how Louis rarely got treats at his last foster parents’ place. Walden walks in and catches it. Upset, Walden talks to Alan about backing him up when it comes to teaching Louis. Alan apologizes and agrees to drive Louis to get a new backpack and come right back for a mini-golf game.

Alan and Lous share a cool moment singing “Mr. Roboto” together, with Louis adorably singing the “domo!” parts. The kid can get down with car-seat dancing, too. On the way, Louis sees a laser-tag joint but Alan says no. “I thought you were cool,” Louis says. I think we all know what happens next.

In the laser-tag arena, Alan shoots and tags a little girl, blocking her way after Louis trips and hits his head. Louis has to go to the hospital to get stitches, and an upset Walden lashes out at Alan. He defends himself by mentioning that he’s finally “Al Al Cool Dad.”

“You’re not Al Al Cool Dad, you’re just Weird Al!” Walden retorts. He makes a few more jabs at Alan about his parenting skills, and they leave angry at each other.

At the house, Alan and Walden are blowing raspberries at each other when Louis walks in. Walden asks Louis to go bowling, and to Walden’s surprise, he asks if Alan can come. Alan says it’s okay—he has to go to the grocery store anyway. “You know what else would be fun? Going to the grocery store with Alan,” Louis says to the shock of pretty much everyone.

While at the store, Louis asks for both Pop-Tarts and Fruit Loops, but Walden tries to lay down the law and says he can only have one special treat. Walden puts the Fruit Loops back on the shelf, but Louis stages a dramatic cereal protest. Alan is enjoying watching the whole thing go down and opens up a bag of chips to munch on.

Walden begs Alan to help him out, apologizes for what he said in the hospital, and admits that Alan is a good father. Alan accepts his apology and says he’s seen this before and there’s one surefire parental technique that always works. Sure enough, the guys end up literally carrying a still-protesting and flailing Louis out of the store.

“We’re good parents, we really are,” Walden says to the shocked onlookers.

Two and a Half Men airs Thursdays at 9/8C on CBS.

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TV Families

TV Families — We compare various television clans through the years to see how they stack up, from ”The Brady Bunch” to ”The Flintstones”

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The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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aria-label="Posts by Elisabeth Vincentelli" class="author url fn" rel="author">Elisabeth Vincentelli</a></p><p class="article-header__timestamp">Posted on <time datetime="2000-04-14T04:00:00+00:00">April 14, 2000 at 4:00am EDT</time></p> <div class="article-header__share"> <div class="sharedaddy sd-sharing-enabled"><div class="robots-nocontent sd-block sd-social sd-social-icon-text sd-sharing"><div class="sd-content"><ul><li class="share-facebook"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-facebook-588800" class="share-facebook sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=facebook" target="_blank" title="Share"><span>Share</span></a></li><li class="share-twitter"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-twitter-588800" class="share-twitter sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=twitter" target="_blank" title="Tweet"><span>Tweet</span></a></li><li class="share-email"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="" class="share-email sd-button 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<div class="article-body"> <div class="article__letter-grade"><span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span><p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p></div> <div class="article-body__inner"> <div class="triangle-anchor"></div><p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <div class="article-body__show-full"> <button id="button--show-full" class="channel__color--background-color" type="button">Show Full Article</button> </div> </div> <!-- template: article-footer --> <footer class="article-footer"> <div class="articles-recirculation articles-recirculation--see-also channel__color--border-color"> <!-- template: article-footer-section-title --> <h2 class="article-footer__section-title channel__color--border-color article-footer__section-title--third-party"> <div class="article-footer__section-title-inner-wrap"> <span class="article-footer__section-title-span"> <span class="article-footer__section-title-more article-footer__section-title-more--" data-mobile-title=""> sponsored stories </span> </span> </div> </h2> <div class="ob-widget-wrapper " data-url-fragment="outbrain"> <div 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