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'Alias' nostalgia react: My predictions about Noah were spot-on

Season 1 | Episode 19 | “Snowman” | Aired Apr 14, 2002

If Alias hadn’t been off the air for almost a decade, I’d say I should go out for the writing staff. If you’ve followed my nostalgia reacts of the show, you know that I didn’t watch Alias during its original run. I also didn’t watch so much as a single episode in the years after its original run, even though it sat in my Netflix queue as a TV to-do for months. I started watching the show specifically for this nostalgia series and made a decision not to watch ahead. So I’m basically experiencing this on the same time frame as fans did in 2002, minus the weeks it would have been in reruns. One of my favorite things to do in these reacts is to share my predictions about the future of the show and where its twisty drama is going.

I had to set all of that up so that it’s clear that I’m regular, old-fashioned bragging, not humble bragging, when I say how proud I am of my predictions from last week. In last week’s episode, “Masquerade,” we met Noah Hicks, a man from Sydney’s past who turns out to be a lover. He might have even been the love of her life. Poor dead fiancé Danny might still be alive today if Noah hadn’t left town without so much as a word to Sydney, leaving her all heartbroken and angsty. Turns out, Noah was undercover and tried to reach out to Syd via an apparently too-secret message before he left. Noah and Sydney immediately reconnected and got sexy, and it was obvious that he was going to be a source of disappointment or sadness for her. Sydney already has a viable love triangle with Will and Vaughn. Noah was a great way to shake up the game plan and delay her decision, but I predicted he would go out in some kind of devastating fashion.

What I did not predict was that it would happen in the very next episode. Alias moves fast. In case you don’t remember or just flat-out didn’t read last week’s react (no hard feelings—we can still be friends if you didn’t), I offered three theories about how Noah might exit:

  1. He would betray Sydney again.
  2. He would leave town again and break her heart.
  3. He would die.

Noah didn’t just do one of those things. He didn’t even just do two of them. He did all three. In one episode.

  1. He would betray Sydney again: Yes, he definitely did. Noah turned out to be a horrifically brutal assassin called the Snowman.
  2. He would leave town again: Yes again. Before his identity as the Snowman is revealed, Noah skips town, claiming he’s leaving his life of spying behind. He asks Syd to come with him, but when she says she can’t, he makes it clear that he’s leaving with or without her.
  3. He would die: And Noah gets the trifecta. While he’s in masked assassin mode, taking out someone on Sydney’s latest mission, he gets into a hard-core hand-to-hand fight with her and ends up impaling himself on a knife he was wielding. Sydney unmasks him, realizes that everything she thought she knew was a lie (yet again) and BAM, Noah manages to go out hitting every bad note he could.

Noah’s impact on Sydney will surely last longer than he did, though. He has her seriously thinking about abandoning her life as a spy to start over and get away from the people she’s been lying to for years now. This really hits home with her when Will and Francie confront her about a plane ticket Francie found, which proves Sydney’s been lying about where she travels for the bank. Sydney lies on the spot and covers it so quickly and effortlessly that I can only assume she prepped the lie in advance (something about her job at the bank becoming a shady-probably-illegal gig as a courier for wealthy businessmen who don’t want a paper trail when they get information about their accounts—and all of the nondisclosure agreements that would go along with something like that).

Noah’s other impact? He has caused exactly the emotional rift between Sydney and Vaughn that was to be expected. She’s pulling away, especially as she delves more deeply into her personal mission of finding her mother.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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