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The bitch is out of the bag on 'House of DVF'

Season 1 | Episode 4 | “The Bitch Is Out of the Bag” | Aired Nov 23, 2014

Last week on House of DVF, we said goodbye to baby-faced, tattooed Bronx cutie Tiffani (read her departure blog here). DVF allowed the ladies access to the press, and,in a more damaging decision, the press had access to them. Kier, on the other hand, seemed to move to the front as teacher’s pet, but the rest of the ladies weren’t  as charmed by her work ethic as DVF was. Even though her majesty acknowledged Kier’s bitchy tendencies, she still raved about her professional performance.

Screen Shot 2014-11-22 at 3.15.40 PMThis week opens as the ladies embark on their first sales event with DVF in attendance, complimenting customers, double air-kissing, and tying wrap dresses. Diane really puts the “personal” in personal appearance. The girls are meant to schmooze the customers, but Abigail acts like she’s never been in a store before and doesn’t really do the job. She winds up hiding behind a rack to avoid any real sales work, and the team notices.

To celebrate their hard work (and I had to fight myself not to put that in quotes), the ladies go out. Jinna takes this opportunity to really relax, sloshing drinks, slurring words, and catcalling men from across the room. Abigail theorizes that Jinna has “this fire burning  in her crotch that not even the entire New York City Fire Department could put … out.” Of course, Jinna denies being boy-crazy, but as the night wears on,  JinnaScreen Shot 2014-11-22 at 3.16.36 PM offers more and more proof supporting Abigail’s theory.

When an actual, interested boy approaches the ladies (with shots, by the way), Jinna is hostile and sloppy in a way that only the super-drunk can pull off. Abigail and Amanda are embarrassed by her shenanigans, and rightfully so. Jinna insults poor Travis, berates him, and belittles him because “he doesn’t have green eyes.” Things only get worse from there.

The next morning, Abigail is rehashing the big night with the rest of the group when Jinna shows up, claiming to “feel so good.”  Jessica claims she can recognize Jinna’s hangover face, but she looked fine to me. I am willing to guess that is not Jinna’s first drunk night.  Jessica goes on to scold Abigail for her behavior (and her outfit) at the day’s prior sales event, and Abigail gets defensively passive aggressive. It’s not a good look.

Screen Shot 2014-11-22 at 3.17.54 PMThe meeting gets back on track, and they commence discussing the girls’ wrap dress designs. Kier and Lenore only have one dress to show the creative director, Michael, and this disappoints him. He is all the more disgusted with their lack of originality, even when Kier explains “it wraps from the back.”  Abigail’s design gets a lukewarm reception, but Jinna, Brittany, and Amanda’s design is a hit that will be translated into a prototype. Kier and Lenore will have to team up with Abigail to help get her design in prototype-shape. Kier’s eyeroll is practically audible, and I worry that her face might freeze that way.

Before the girls can really duke it out about that new development, Diane and Jessica recruit them to help Screen Shot 2014-11-22 at 3.16.03 PMplan an editors’ lunch. Jessica is leery, but DVF has faith they are up to the task. (I think she might be the only one.) The ladies are to plan a small lunch for the launch of DVF’s home furnishings line, and even some of the girls are surprised that Diane trusts them with this responsibility. She brings in an event planner, Bronson, to mentor the girls in party planning, and I am laughing a little at him because he surely doesn’t know what he’s in for.

The girls are divided into teams of two, and, of course, they begin to bicker as their opinions differ. Even though they are divided generally, their animosity seems to coalesce against Brittani as she takes charge. Ironically, Brittani and Jinna are the only team with nothing to show for their efforts. The bickering turns into a full-on argument, with a few F-words sprinkled throughout, and poor Bronson doesn’t know what to do.

Screen Shot 2014-11-22 at 3.20.31 PMBronson reports back to DVF and characterizes the planning session as “a disaster.” He gives Diane all of the details about the argument, and she feels like she has to take matters into her own hands.  She calls Amanda into her office, where Amanda tattles on Brittani. DVF isn’t suffering this personal drama and advises Amanda to be true to herself.  Amanda interprets that as a suggestion to confront Brittani. Brittani gets a little too street for my taste, suggesting that Amanda deserved to get punched. Brittani’s pretty self aware, warning Amanda that they have “let the bitch out of the bag.”

Brittani’s bratty antics roll over into event day, and the tensions thicken. When DVF and her team arrive, Screen Shot 2014-11-22 at 3.21.50 PMBrittani gets chosen to sit at the table. The other girls perceive it as a reward, but it seems to me that Brittani is just one lucky lady. DVF needed another warm body, because obviously you can’t have thirteen sitting at a table, and Brittani was conveniently wearing a DVF dress. The girls are understandably jealous, especially since they have to serve Brittani and the other guests.

Brittani does well a the luncheon. She answers the editors questions with poise and grace, but she is an ugly winner. She gloats and gloats, and not even a Diane Von Furstenberg dress can make that look pretty.

Per usual, DVF consults Jessica and team about the girls’ performances, and they dish about the best and the worst girls. This sort of conversation always results in a dismissal, and this time, it’s Abigail and Jinna who get called in. We don’t get to see who gets the ax in this episode, but the previews for next week are terrible secret keepers.

Who gets your vote for Brand Ambassdor? Who deserves the DVF bag more: Jinna or Abs?

House of DVF airs on Sundays at 10/9C on E!

TV Families | EW.com
February 23, 1990 at 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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