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‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ recap: Big monster on campus

Season 2 | Episode 5 | “Reptile Boy” | Aired October 13, 1997 on The WB

The girls learn the perils of underage drinking and fraternities in this week’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

It’s foreign art-movie night for Buffy, Willow, and Xander! The Summers’ house may not be the Bronze, but with no money or transportation, it’s the best they can do. Besides, Buffy is loving the lull in demon and vampire activity lately.

Cut immediately to a sparely lit mansion, where cloaked figures chase a teenage girl out the window and into the woods. She climbs over a wall into the the cemetery, only to run smack-dab into an attractive guy (in a ’90s sort of way), who orders his friends to drag her away.

At school the next day, Buffy tells Willow that she’s been dreaming of Angel. Willow thinks that Buffy and Angel are so right for each other … except for the vampire thing. She suggests trying a coffee date. “It’s the non-relationship drink of choice,” she explains. “It’s not a date; it’s a caffeinated beverage. Sure, it’s hot and bitter, like a relationship that way …”

Down the hall, Cordelia points to Xander as an example of why high school boys just aren’t worth dating. She is dating a fraternity boy, thank you very much. She and Xander trade flirty insults; he walks away, wounded.

Giles lectures Buffy on letting her guard down, despite the lack of paranormal activity as of late. But Giles has no idea what it’s like to be 16, Buffy says. Or a girl, or the slayer, or the person who has to kill vampires while having fuzzy feelings for one.

Cordelia’s college man drives up after school and egad! It’s the handsome hooded attacker from the first scene! Richard invites Cordelia to a college party, and she reluctantly introduces Buffy at his request. His less dickish frat brother, Tom, plays good cop and wins Buffy over, but she still turns down his party invite.

On patrol, Buffy runs into Angel in the cemetery, and they discover an ID bracelet spotted with blood. She told Tom she was involved with someone, but what is their relationship status anyway? Angel shuts down the idea of a date , or even just coffee; she’s too young, and things could get out of control.


After class, Cordelia flatters a Buffy with mock sincerity, trying to convince her to attend the frat party after all. Buffy, realizing it’d be good to spend some time with a living boy, agrees. Angel treats her like a child, Buffy later explains to Xander and Willow, and can barely carry on a conversation, unlike Tom.

Cue Xander’s jealousy. He suggests to Giles that Buffy go on patrol the night of the party and investigate the bloody bracelet. Buffy lies and says that she’s sick, and she needs to take care of her sick mom too. Willow points out that Buffy knows Giles wouldn’t be happy about ditching slaying duties to drink with older guys.

Cordelia lays down the rules for the night. Willow frets about Buffy lying to Giles. Xander vows to sneak into the party—both to keep an eye on Buffy and to hopefully catch sight of an orgy.

Some dark sh*t is happening in what we can only guess is the fraternity basement. It’s all fun and games (and some chanting) until we discover that Callie, the girl from the first scene, is being held captive.

Above ground, there’s dancing, drinking, and a group of pledges serving cocktails in French maid uniforms. Cordelia ditches Buffy at her first chance, and Xander is distracted by coeds and snacks, until the housemates discover their uninvited guest and haul him off for hazing.

Tom rescues Buffy from a horny, lumbering frat brother just in the nick of time, and they bond on the dance floor. She regrets skipping out on her responsibilities and thaws when Tom calls her too mature. Outside, she becomes suspicious when she discovers broken glass on the ground, but she shrugs it off and decides, What the hell? Let’s drink.

At the library, Willow connects the broken bracelet to a missing girl, who turns out to be Callie, the fraternity dungeon captive. Willow, covering for Buffy, suggests that Giles call Angel for backup instead.

Buffy stumbles through the house, either drunk or drugged, and passes out on a bed. Richard lasciviously eyes her up, but Tom reminds him that both Buffy and Cordelia (who’s also unconscious) are to be saved for the one they serve. (The who, now?!)

btvs_2.5_xander-wigThe frat boys kick out Xander, still dressed in makeup and women’s lingerie from his hazing. The rest of the brothers are in the basement, chanting with swords. Buffy and Cordelia are chained to the wall and forced to watch. Callie says that they’ll never get out alive—what a downer—and warns that Tom is the leader of the cult.

When Giles and Angel decide to investigate the frat house, Willow can’t keep Buffy’s college date a secret any longer. She spills the beans. Giles and Angel are mad—for different reasons, of course—and Willow, normally so quiet, lets them have it.

Why do you think she went to that party? (To Angel) Because you gave her the brush-off! (To Giles) And you never let her do anything except work and patrol! I know she’s the Chosen One, but you’re killing her with the pressure! I mean, she’s 16 going on 40! (To Angel) And you! I mean, you’re gonna live forever! You don’t have time for a cup of coffee?

Okay, I don’t feel better now. And we’ve got to help Buffy.

Back at the party, more chanting, more ritual, and a loud rumbling signifies the arrival of this week’s big bad: It’s some sort of scaly alien snake thing, and it’s hungry.

btvs_2.5_reptile-monsterXander spots Cordelia’s car and tries to find the girls, only to run into the rest of the Scooby Gang. They race inside. (Presumably Angel can enter the house because there’s no real homeowner?) Tom hears the commotion and urges the monster to chow down before it’s too late, but Buffy breaks free, fights off Tom, and kills the monster.

Giles is very upset that Buffy lied, but he’s happy that she’s okay.

At the Bronze, Xander relays the news: After police found tons of old bones in a cavern under the house, the brothers were given life sentences (in the American judicial system? Please). Fraternity alumni, some now heads of major corporations, are falling into financial ruin. That’ll show them to feed young girls to a snake-monster in exchange for wealth and power!

Angel shows up and invites Buffy to coffee. Sometime. If she wants. “I’ll let you know,” she says, and walks away grinning.

Big Bad of the Week: The brothers of Delta Xeta Kappa and their wish-granting pet reptile

btvs_2.5_buffy-fashionQuote of the Week:

Angel (warning Buffy that dating wouldn’t end well for her): This isn’t some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don’t wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No. When you kiss me I wanna die.

Heinous ’90s Fashion of the Week: Buffy’s sheer lace V-neck over dark-colored bra and stretchy, patterned (is that giraffe?) pants the color of ’70s shag carpet (right).

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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