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'Haven' recap: The teddy bear picnic

Season 5 | Episode 9 | “Morbidity” | Aired Nov 7, 2014

Dr. Charlotte Cross of the CDC could not have picked a worse time for a little Haven vacation. She is looking for some lobster, but she stumbles across a crazy contagious illness that threatens to take down the 500-year conspiracy Havenites have worked so hard to maintain. Even the seductive tones of Chris Brody, the world’s most popular man, can’t convince Dr. Cross to leave Haven alone.

Dave’s crazy blue dreams are getting worse. He is now seeing a bunch of dead people in the woods, in addition to the creepy carving in the tree. In order to get Dr. Cross off his back, Dave calls in Chris Brody to spin a story that Dave was stung by a jellyfish. Dave figures that Chris’ irresistible charm will help convince Dr. Cross to be on her way. This devious plot is unsuccessful, but fortunately it’s an excuse for Jason Priestley to be on Haven again, which is the best possible outcome for everyone involved. He’s just so charming.

Dave’s leg isn’t the only problem piquing Dr. Cross’ interest. She and Dwight are enjoying a romantic dinner at the Grey Gull when a fellow diner collapses. The disease’s symptoms include fever and blisters on the lips—and it only attacks troubled people. More and more patients are brought to the hospital, and Nathan, Gloria, and Dwight do everything they can to keep anything remotely troubled away from Dr. Cross.

This is easier said than done, since the disease causes troubled people to panic and therefore trigger their troubles. Audrey is sent to help Eve, whose trouble of dancing bears that switch from being empty costumes to containing Eve’s mutilated, dead father are the most exposed—and therefore the hardest to keep out of Dr. Cross’ way.


When Audrey fails to talk Eve down, she calls for backup: Mara. This is the first time that Mara and Audrey have spoken to each other since the split, and, as Duke says, it’s pretty awkward. Other than calling Audrey a husk and a candy wrapper, Mara isn’t much help, but Audrey figures out the trouble herself. Take that, Mara!

Nathan and Dwight round up the sick people in the morgue, but the disease is getting harder to control. People’s troubles keep activating, and the place is a total mess. Intern is in way over her head. The autopsy for the first victim of the disease comes in. He died from an air bubble in his brain, which is a symptom of his trouble.

Dr. Cross obviously doesn’t know this and assumes he was murdered. She finds the morgue of crazy diseased people and immediately puts Haven under quarantine. In her research, Dr. Cross also notices a common genetic thread between all of the patients. She passes it off as a coincidence, but Dwight thinks she may have inadvertently stumbled on the genetic code for troubled people. Perhaps science isn’t all that bad.

As Dr. Cross tries to call for backup, Duke has a brilliant idea: he uses a recently troubled girl who can create lightning to take down the cell tower. In an old Western-style montage, Duke, Dwight, and Nathan corner Dr. Cross in front of the Haven Herald office. She runs inside and hides, as anyone who thinks she’s in a town of crazy murderers should.

Duke wants to throw Dr. Cross in the Cape Rouge with Mara, but Dwight thinks that’s a little much so he tazes Duke. Dwight doesn’t have a plan really, but he steps up as the man in charge, calling Nathan out for only caring about Audrey and Duke for only caring about himself. Way harsh, Dwight, but to be fair it’s mostly true. A Haven run by Dwight and Dwight alone would be very different than the one we’re used to.

Meanwhile Mara is playing more mind games with Duke. She tries a little full-frontal nudity—on Duke, not on us. This is basic cable, after all. She moves from nudity to convincing Duke that his friends are going to turn on him. Mara really wants Duke on her side. Maybe if he goes all blood-addict dark Crocker, he can help Mara with the thinnies? Whatever her reasons, Mara is determined—and in just one episode she succeeds. Duke isn’t sucking troubled blood off the floor quite yet, but he is definitely pissed at his less-troubled friends.

Haven airs Fridays at 7/6C on Syfy.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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