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We need to talk about THAT grab on 'Selfie'

Season 1 | Episode 6 | “Never Block Cookies” | Aired Nov 4, 2014

After Henry lectures Eliza on the pitfalls of succumbing to Snapchat, she diagnoses his uptight grumpiness as not being laid recently. She feels responsible, because she’s been monopolizing his free time by asking him for guidance with social graces (e.g., how do you react when a coworker shows you a pic of their ugly baby?).

Charmonique agrees with Eliza’s assessment, and the two plot to help out Henry together. They want to set him up with the barista downstairs and manage to get Henry to take the bait. Unfortunately, even though it’s super obvious that the girl is into him, Henry is oblivious. He refuses a free cookie and does not notice that she’s flirting with him. Eliza and Charmonique are appalled that Henry has blocked his own self.

Not wanting him to die alone, the next step is to create a dating profile for him. They need to find out as much info about him as they can—his height, weight, likes, birthstone, any STDs, and his favorite character on Friends. Eliza stealthily tries to find out whether Henry is into hiking, if drugs are a deal breaker, and if he can take a decent profile picture.  (Aside: I can’t tell if Eliza really doesn’t know Henry’s age and just guesses 45 to put on his profile or if Henry just looks super young. End of Aside)

She fails to gather this info, but she and Charmonique do discover that his computer password is Henry69. When Sam tries to rebuke them, the women plead their case by reminding him that Henry goes home alone to a salad. They recruit him for their fact-finding mission, and in the men’s bathroom Sam tries to find out if Henry has had any rare ailments—such as the Rotten Richard or downloading a bad episode of Burn Notice. Luckily for everyone, Henry has not.

Eliza decides to amp things up, so she invites him out and tells him it’s going to be a late night. Henry is still baffled by her s behavior until coworker Larry tells him that Eliza obviously wants him. Henry scoffs, saying they are more like brother and sister, or at the very least cousins.

The plan is for Charmonique and Eliza to each invite 20 girls, but Eliza keeps finding excuses to turn down any potentials. They also worry that Henry will freeze up again and not realize that girls are hitting on him and it’ll all be a waste.

To prevent this, Eliza goes over to Henry’s house to prepare him for the night. He admits that even though he’s enjoying his book he’s a little lonely, so Eliza takes the bait. She reaches for his hand, which he pulls away, looking confused. She tells him that women like it when you find excuses to touch them, that she’s tired of bossing him around, and now it’s his turn—as she backs him up against the wall.

Then THIS happens:


Please tell me I’m not the only one that audibly gasped/shrieked during this scene. One could totally tell Henry was super nervous, you can see him swallow as he tries to figure out what to do next. But then it is all ruined, because Eliza wasn’t expecting it and leaves in a rush. The look on Henry’s face afterward broke my heart.

The night of the mixer comes and it’s slightly awkward between the two of them. Then Henry realizes what’s really going on—all the women invited resemble either Charmonique or Eliza. He complains that just because he isn’t sexually promiscuous doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with him; maybe he’s just looking for the real thing. While this very well might be how Henry feels, there also seems to be some tension from Eliza’s rejection. Also “Henry69” is a reference to the moon landing. (Oh, Henry. *facepalm*)

Eliza chases after him and sees him talking to a woman who is remarkably similar to him. Even though she encourages him to go for it, Eliza admits that it’s a bittersweet feeling.

A second story line with Sam and his son-in-law Terrence (Samm Lavine) seemed like filler material for the episode. It didn’t add to the story and there weren’t very many laughs. Let’s be honest, we all just wanted it to get back to Eliza and Henry. If you haven’t already shipped these two together, you can’t deny it now. There will be many fans who will revolt if ABC decides to cancel this show.

Selfie airs Tuesdays 8/7C on ABC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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