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'Are You the One?' recap: [Spoiler] is a perfect match

Season 2 | Episode 5 | “Strap Those Boots Tight” | Aired Nov 3, 2014

Still reeling from the Matchup Ceremony, the contestants try to focus on the clues the results revealed. Emphasis on try—Jessica sobs and drops f-bomb after f-bomb, Curtis walks away in shock, and Briana comforts Jessica rather than deal with her own emotions. Layton tells Jessica to be her strong-willed self and be strong in moving on. Layton, on the other hand, quickly rebounds, honing in on Jenni. Christina and Brandon commiserate over the fact that more people will now understand what they’ve been going through. Emotions aside, as an AYTO Investigator, the Matchup Ceremony results only portend good things from here on out in terms of perfect match predictions and juicy drama.

The only couple not languishing in a pool of angst, Pratt and Paris move into their honeymoon suite. The suite includes a courtyard pool, an outside bed next to the pool, an indoor bed, an outdoor shower, and beach access. I hope the honeymoon suites receive professional cleaning because they’re going to need it.

Curtis, in emotional turmoil himself, sums up the perfect post-Matchup Ceremony attitude in responding to Jessica’s woes: “Step the f— up. Strap those boots tight. Let’s move forward. We got another challenge.” The other challenge in question involves the guys (minus an under-the-weather Alex), ropes, and a giant metal ring. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but the reality is much more boring. The first three guys to grab a gold coin from their individual treasure chests wins in the eight-way tug-of-war.

Ashley hopes Dario chooses her for the getaway date. Despite how much she might like his butt, Dario chooses Jenni. Curtis, in second place, picks Shelby, and Brandon picks Jasmine. The couples enjoy a day at natural rock waterslide, Las Paylas. (Ryan calls it Las Playas Falls, but I forgive him because he’s always a joy.)

Back at the house, John decides to make a play on Jenni. Anthony plops down next to Jenni just as John and Jenni get to know each other a little more. Ellie, tragically in Anthony’s friend zone, gets upset when Anthony kisses other girls. During a group drinking/kissing game, Ellie walks off in a huff after Anthony kisses Christina and Alex. Anthony, or Ant as Ellie calls him, tries to cheer her up. She tells him she’s tired of being his “home girl.” He responds, “I like you as a person [rather than a sexual object].” I embellish, but the sentiment is clear.

Ellie makes herself clear, too. She says, “I don’t want to be your best friend, Ant. It hurts my feelings how you do me.” Anthony still flirts and play fights with her despite knowing she wants their relationship to progress into the romantic realm. Anthony and Ellie have broken most of the major rules of the Friend Zone, exemplifying just how unfriendly the Friend Zone can be.

On the Getaway Date, Jasmine and Brandon share that both of their sets of parents are divorced, speculating that it could be a factor in why they “suck at relationships.” With 50 percent of marriages resulting in divorce, I have a feeling 50 percent of the world’s single population “suck at relationships.” While Jasmine leads the in-depth conversation, the only way Brandon can figure out if she’s his perfect match is to kiss her. She pulls back, stating she’s sticking to her promise to Christina. Perhaps she also pulls back due to the stink of Brandon’s B.S.

Shelby thinks her date with Curtis couldn’t have gone more perfectly. Curtis, despite himself, can’t stop thinking about Briana. That’s not going to end well.

Brandon’s B.S.-o-Meter continues to spike at the Truth Booth meeting, as he continues to spout that he believes Jasmine is his perfect match, and he’s over Christina. Christina calls him out on his B.S.-o-Meter readings but the follow-through becomes fruitless as Brandon’s tune changes drastically at the Matchup Ceremony.

The most important element of the Truth Booth meeting remains the actual Truth Booth. In a jaw-dropping reveal, Curtis and Shelby head to the Truth Booth to discover they are a perfect match. The house echoes with shouts of triumph as everyone celebrates the surprise Perfect Match. Everyone but Briana, who sits stunned by the announcement. Oh, and Christina and Curtis are not a match, which means the Brandon-Christina saga continues.

Later that night, Ellie dumps two bottles of shampoo into the hot tub for a celebratory bubble bath party! As the others frolic in bubbles and booze, Briana and Curtis finally get a moment to talk alone. Curtis says the reveal is “like a dagger to the heart.” Briana agrees, saying, “My heart hurts.” Despite wanting to remain a cold, fact-driven AYTO Investigator, I have to admit my heart hurts a bit, too. Curtis and Briana were my AYTO OTP.

In his production interview, Curtis admits he loves her, and that it scares the s— out of him. Curtis asks her to hold on to his beads, the Are You the One? equivalent to a promise ring. They spend the night together. Anthony and Jenni also spend some intimate time together, despite knowing they aren’t a perfect match. Ellie and Layton wallow in bubbles.

The Matchup Ceremony proves to be a contentious one as Brandon flips his script, reasserting his commitment to Christina. Oh, brother. Layton also slut shames (as The Aftermatch host Nicole Byer rightly asserts) his supposed intended, Jenni, for going down on Anthony. Such an action is not only uncool but superfluous. Before Layton brings up Anthony and Jenni’s intimate activities, Jenni yells, “I have him head, Ryan!” during Anthony’s turn. Despite the poor game-playing move, you have to give her props for owning her actions. Ryan’s lack of a reaction to the declaration is priceless. Overlooking a noticeably fuming Ellie, Anthony ends up choosing Ashley. Why? Who knows!

Jessica, being the strong-willed person she is, calls Brandon out. “Save what you want for after the show.” Paris chimes in, saying what Jess and Layton do seems just like what Brandon and Christina have been doing. In the end, the lights confirm three perfect matches, meaning only one other couple besides the locked perfect matches chose correctly. It seems like the contestants need more lifelines to win the million-dollar prize. Time to phone a friend?

Matchup Ceremony

Pratt—Paris

Curtis—Shelby

Anthony—Ashley

Brandon—Jasmine

Garland—Tyler

John—Jenni

Layton—Briana

Alex—Christina

Nathan—Jessica

Dario—Alex

Excluded: Ellie

Assorted Clues

  • On The Aftermatch, Briana reveals that she and Curtis are not together. Many things could have happened in the honeymoon suite—MTV science really does know what’s up. Drat! My AYTO OTP has been thwarted yet again.
  • In an obsessive close read of the preview for the next episode, the next Matchup Ceremony couples include Dario-Briana, Brandon-Ashley, and Nathan-Jasmine along with the two confirmed matches.
  • After careful consideration, I have determined the following to be perfect matches. Let’s hope I make my LSAT logic games instructor proud:
    • Pratt—Paris [Confirmed]
    • Curtis—Shelby [Confirmed]
    • Garland—Alex
    • Brandon—Jasmine
    • John—Ashley
    • Dario—Jessica
    • Layton—Ellie
    • Anthony—Tyler
    • Nathan—Jenni
    • Alex—Briana
  • Still stumped on the Eleventh Girl Conundrum, I know Christina doesn’t match with Pratt, Curtis, Brandon, and John. I don’t think she matches with Alex and Layton. That leaves Anthony, Dario, Garland, and Nathan as possibilities.

Are You the One? airs Mondays at 10/9C on MTV.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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clearfix"> <div class="padded"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article__letter-grade"> <span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span> <p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it an <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> </div> <!-- Bottom Recirc --> <div class="bottom-recirc padded-mobile "> <div class="component outbrain clearfix " data-action="outbrain-component"> <div class="OUTBRAIN " data-src="http://ew.com//article/2000/04/14/000/" data-widget-id="AR_24" data-ob-template="ew" > </div> </div> <interaction data-token="59d54344f64720010063394c" data-context="true" data-tags="" data-fallback="true"></interaction> <div class="component feed clearfix bottom-recirc" data-endpoint="/element-api/content-proxy/documents"data-request-data="%7B%22count%22%3A6%2C%22crops%22%3A%22thumbnail%2Cmarquee_large_2x%2Capp_list_thumbnail_2x%22%2C%22page%22%3A2%2C%22types%22%3A%22article%2Cgallery%2Crecipe%22%7D"data-partial="tile"data-variation="bottom-recirc"data-flair-size="30"data-type="feed"data-title="You May 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