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'Are You the One?': Yes, although 'I have problems!'

Season 2 | Episode 4 | “Loose Lips Sink Relationships” | Aired Oct 27, 2014

The house celebrates the culmination of their third week and three confirmed matches at the latest match up ceremony. But there’s a big difference between three known perfect matches and three anonymous beams of light.

The John-Brandon-Christina triangle continues. John likes Christina. Brandon likes Christina. Christina likes the attention. And that’s not a dig, who wouldn’t?! The Eleventh Girl Conundrum has resulted in becoming a conundrum for everyone but the Eleventh Girl.

The Anthony-Jenni-Layton-Jessica square continues to develop. Jessica, utterly infatuated with Layton, declares, “My man is my life. I’m here to give him everything he needs.” No, girl! Girl, you can get it (and you do) but don’t de-emphasize your role in the budding relationship! Jess and Layton utilize the Boom Boom Room, and yet, Layton still laments his waning connection with Jenni. There’s so much geometry happening on this show!

Jasmine and Garland have a moment together in the bed, too. They, however, only talk, sharing their relationship pasts. Jasmine hasn’t been in a relationship for four years and has a habit of having friends with benefits. Garland’s last romance ended 10 months ago after he cheated. Soft spoken and honest, they both seem to be a perfect fit. Yet, are they a perfect match? Hmmm …

This episode’s Getaway Challenge is entitled “Slip It In.” I wonder if Ryan Devlin comes up with those names or if he grins and bears the shame as he reads his cheesy host script. Ostensibly, the game is a male gaze version of What’s Your Number?, in which the protagonist freaks out over the notion of having over 20 lovers. On Are You the One?, the lowest number is nine (Layton) and the highest, after Garland’s 100, is Nathan’s “too many to count.” Tyler says it’s 34, and Nathan says he can’t count above 10.

First of all, none of these guys are even in their late twenties, so I’m calling shenanigans on 60 and higher. Second of all, why do the guys think lower numbers are bad? I call shenanigans on that machismo. Third of all, really, Nathan? You can’t or won’t count above 10?

Jessica-Layton, Paris-Pratt, and Jasmine-Garland win the Getaway Date to jet board along the shore. Jet boarding is like Iron Man-style water flying, so it’s pretty awesome.

That night, the ladies decide it’s Lingerie Night, even though the guys didn’t seem to get the same instructions. (Um, hopefully they get the memo next episode.) A very drunk Paris makes out with John, much to Pratt’s dismay. Pratt, who skulked away to drink his Pratt juice by himself after witnessing Paris and John dancing, does not react well. Paris cries and whimpers apologies, drunkenly mumbling about her commitment issues.

The next day at the Getaway Date, Paris admits that she’s cheated before but never felt bad about it until now. Pratt decides to give her another chance, but he’s still wary. As the obvious choice to go into the Truth Booth, Paris and Pratt receive something no other couple so far has this season: confirmation that they are a perfect match! As part of the Eleventh Girl Conundrum, they also reveal if she’s a match with Pratt. No shocker, she isn’t.

Despite liking Anthony the most out of the guys, Ellie picks Brandon, since Anthony is still close with Jenni. Brandon shrugs it off and goes with it, comfortable in the fact that he’ll continue to hook up with Christina no matter what. Not even Ryan Devlin seems convinced Brandon and Christina will separate. When Ryan Devlin doubts, then you know you’re in trouble.

Briana and Curtis are closer than ever and have established themselves as my AYTO OTP. John chooses Christina over Ashley, who chose him. He makes the decision with the stipulation that it’s her last chance to not be with Brandon if she’s interested in him as well. Only Paris-Pratt is a perfect match. Every single other match is wrong, including Briana-Curtis! No! Curtis storms off, heartbroken. Jessica reacts poorly as well, close to tears and cursing up a storm. Storming off, cursing storms—storm clouds of drama and tension are brewing at the AYTO house.

Next week marks the halfway point for the contestants’ chances of securing love and money. In honor of the momentous occasion, I’ll reveal my first batch of perfect match predictions, spreadsheets and all. Share your clues and predictions in the comments! It’s anyone’s game now.

Matchup Ceremony

Excluded: Ashley

Number of Perfect Matches: 1

Assorted Clues

  • Brandon’s potential perfect match has gone down to six ladies: Ashley, Briana, Jasmine, Jenni, Shelby, and Tyler. In the promo for the next episode, Christina and Brandon fight over Jasmine’s probability of being his perfect match. Does that mean for once and for all we’ll discover who Brandon’s perfect match is? Truth Booth, we’re counting on you!
  • Not a clue, but a nice thought: on The Aftermatch, Paris referenced Pratt as her current partner. Cute, they’re still together!

Are You the One?, rated TV-14, airs Mondays at 10 p.m. on MTV.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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