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'Total Divas' midseason finale recap: Here comes the bride

Season 3 | Episode 10 | “The Divas Are Taking Over” | Aired Oct 26, 2014

Sure, that zombie juggernaut over on AMC may have explosions and questionable meat products, but it’s no match for this week’s shockingly sentimental episode of Total Divas. It has been a fortnight of double dipping on the Divas, which explains why tonight’s mid-season finale feels awfully rushed. Somehow, in between medical woes, sun-drenched vacations, and boyfriend swiping, we managed to make it to the finish line. And while one storyline reaches its bittersweet conclusion, most of the Divas find themselves at a crossroads by episode’s end.

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Eva is stoked that her dad is ready to walk her down the aisle for her post-elopement wedding to Jonathan. But first, she needs to find the perfect dress, which she does courtesy of designer Michael Costello. Far from the demure dress envisioned by her parents, Eva’s wedding attire is more boobalicious Jessica Rabbit and less chaste Cinderella. Across the hall, her husband/betrothed is plotting out his three outfit changes for the wedding.

After hearing one too many tales of woe from Nattie, Nikki tells John that she wants no part of marriage because it makes everyone involved a miserable mess. Naturally, this news perks John right up. He’s so excited that the two engage in an inexplicable game of tic-tac-toe ending with John flexing in victory. Only on reality television, folks!

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The never-ending saga of Nattie and TJ takes yet another unexpected turn when Nattie reveals that she is talking seriously to a divorce attorney. Furious that her dirty laundry is being aired in public, Nattie asks Eva to move her seat away from TJ’s at the wedding. Arriving in Napa, TJ and Nattie head to their separate rooms. But then a buzzed Brie and Nikki bring back some wine and things between the two quickly devolves into sarcastic comments and yelling.

Poor John Cena. He has faced his share of worthy opponents in the ring, but none so intimidating as Nikki’s family. In an exceptionally well-choreographed tag team display, Nikki’s mother, sister, and brother put John through his paces by demanding to know why John won’t marry Nikki and start producing little minions. To his credit, John points out that he was completely transparent with Nikki about not wanting to be a husband or father. But Nikki’s brother isn’t having it and tells John that he is selfish to stay in a relationship with Nikki when he won’t give her what she ultimately wants.

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For as over the top and scripted as most of this series is, there isn’t a dry eye in the house when Eva’s dad finally realizes his dream of walking his daughter down the aisle. Trading in her trademark red hair for her natural black, Eva exchanges heartfelt vows with Jonathan in a truly gorgeous ceremony. But as the reception gets into full swing, Nattie is overcome with emotion and leaves the reception early.

Taking his marriage intervention to heart, John tells Brie that he is concerned that being with him may be preventing Nikki from finding what she really wants in life. And while she agrees that she has made sacrifices, Nikki isn’t certain that she wants marriage and children anymore. John then drops the major bomb of the night: He is breaking up with Nikki.

Can this relationship be saved? We’ll have to wait until January to find out!

Comments, Gripes, and Observations

  • Am I the only one who thinks that the VIP if this season is Eva’s dad, Barry? Here’s hoping he proves the doctors wrong and is able to beat his cancer.
  • Three cheers for Ariane taking the pen out of Nattie’s hands at the wedding reception and preventing her friend from acting the fool.
  • Nattie may be one of the worst fake criers in the annals of reality television. But her hair is always completely on point.
  • These women, or at least Nattie and Trinity, are beasts in the ring. Why, oh why, can’t we see some more ring action?
  • Hell froze over and I found myself siding with John this episode. He has always been clear about his intentions and so I’m confused as to why the family felt it was OK to call him out.
  • Bryan continues to be the voice of reason. His advice to Brie to stay out of Nikki and John’s relationship was spot on.
TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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