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Andre spanks spanking on 'black-ish'

Season 1 | Episode 5 | “Crime and Punishment” | Aired Oct 22, 2014

So, the episode about spanking has come and gone. In this first look, we learned we could expect Andre and Pops to talk about the old-school style of spanking and perhaps some commentary on the widespread nature of spanking in society (i.e. Andre’s coworkers talking about their horror stories from childhood). I was wrong, though, about the switch tree. But Pops talked about something that could probably be worse than a switch—a Hot Wheels track.

The episode starts with Rainbow freaking out in a department store. Jack is indulging in his love of hiding by taking advantage of the store’s many clothes racks. After a huge expletive rant to the store’s security, Rainbow is once again reunited with her son, only to inform him that he’s going to get spanked by Andre when they get home.

Andre doesn’t want to whip his son. He’s only whipped a kid once—Andre Jr. when he was young—and he doesn’t ever want to whip another kid again. Whipping (or spanking, beating, whatever you call it) isn’t for him. He’s a gentle giant, unlike Pops, who delights in his memories of whipping Andre so much that he kept the toy track he used as a memento to pass onto Andre when the time was right.

Once Andre tells Rainbow he’s not whipping his son because he’s tired of being the bad parent for Rainbow, things seem to cool, right? Wrong! Jack pushes his parents boundaries once again by hiding, right before he’s about to go to school. Hiding in a store is one thing, but leaving his backpack in the front of your house—making it seem like he’s actually been kidnapped—is going too far. Andre has had enough. After school, Jack is going to get a spanking.

The other kids try to save Jack with every plan they have. Diane, the real strategist in the family, tells Jack to pull a charm offensive. Make himself as cute and cuddly as he can be so Rainbow will have pity on him. It nearly works—Rainbow makes the mistake of looking Jack in the eye, getting affected by his cute Chupacabra-esque powers. But Andre stops Jack’s hex by reminding Rainbow that they have to lay down the law or be recognized by their kids as big pushovers.

The last defense the kids have is to band together à la Spartacus. The big standoff doesn’t last long, since Andre threatens to spank all of them if they keep him from Jack. With no more plans in place, the kids decide to leave Jack to his fate. Poor Jack puts on tons of clothes to cushion the blow as he walks towards his parents’ room, waiting for his father to enter and literally crack the whip.

But as he’s standing over his son with a belt in his hands, Andre thinks about the convoluted logic that is the basis for spanking. Hitting a child because you love him and don’t want anything bad to happen to him really is an amazing example of pretzel logic. Do parents forget or not realize that the spanking is the actual bad thing that’s happening to a kid?

Instead, Andre provides a real wake-up call for Jack; he tells him he’s disappointed in him. A parent’s words can hurt just as badly as a belt or a track piece, but they get the point across in a much deeper way than a piece of leather or plastic can.

Jack gets his punishment after all and Andre didn’t have to turn anybody’s butt or hand red. Meanwhile, though, the art of spanking is being taught to Diane. Pops, who seems to level with Diane on an adult level (he said she should’ve been his divorce lawyer, after all), fills Diane in on the finer points of using household items as disciplinary tools. And, as we saw in “The Nod,” Diane has a tendency to delight in the hardcore side of life. After Diane picks up a frying pan with intent to bop (or kill?) a future ne’er-do-well, Pops realizes he may have unleashed a whipping monster.

What did you think about this episode? What is your position on spanking? Give your opinions in the comments section below!

Black-ish airs Wednesdays at 9:30/8:30C on ABC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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