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'Are You the One?': Because I can adjust to who you are

Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired Oct 20, 2014

Back from another disappointing match ceremony, Brandon warns the group that the chance Pratt/Paris and Curtis/Briana, the two closest and most consistent couples, are perfect matches is low. Curtis fires back, stating that with such opinions Brandon better not spend time with someone who isn’t his match, a.k.a. Christina. Of course, Brandon proceeds to spend most of the episode with Christina or whining about how he’s not with Christina. Alex, finally getting some screen time, consoles a frustrated Brandon, who genuinely feels he won’t make another strong connection with anyone else in the house. So far, the Alex-Brandon friendship is the best thing to come out of the Brandon-Christina debacle.

Meanwhile, Shelby sits with Nathan to ask how he feels after she and Dario kissed in front of everyone. Nathan manages to say, “I would move to Kansas just for you,” “I’m not gonna f—in’ smother you,” and “I can adjust to who you are” in the span of that one conversation. Shelby astutely suggests he should find the girl he doesn’t have to adjust himself to love, which he takes as an insult rather than the common sense advice that it is. He proceeds to boast about the hot, nay, hottest girls,  he’s managed to score since he was 13 as a result of his “adjusting.” Yeesh.

For the third getaway challenge, the contestants play “Licktionary,” which is like Pictionary with tongues as pens and food pastes as paper. Layton misses his chance to pair up with Jenni, inexplicably failing to pair with Jessica, too. Garland (barely) survives the trial of drawing a hamburger in anchovy paste for Jasmine, but Christina/John, Alex/Brandon, and Ashley/Layton win the getaway date to the beautiful, uninhabited island Icacos. Fun fact: I once spent two hours ripping open a coconut on Icacos. I succeeded in opening the coconut and immediately dropping it onto the sand.

Later, the group relaxes by the pool. Someone asks Ashley about her ring, and she explains it’s a purity ring. She shares that she is a virgin. The other contestants are surprised. Garland says she’s doesn’t look like a virgin. (What does a virgin look like?) Ashley jokingly responds, “You think I was a slut?” (Because the only alternative to a virgin is a slut.) Despite the problematic exchange, most of the contestants respond well to Ashley’s admission. Yay, respecting others’ choices and beliefs!

That night, after who knows how many drinks, Nathan corners Shelby. He blocks her sides with his arms, spewing heartfelt confessions, such as a slurred “I wanna be the guy you want” and a weepy “I don’t wanna be alone.” Shelby calmly but firmly tells him he needs to take time for himself. She tells him to stop but fails to squirm her way out of his passive aggressive corner.  “Just don’t leave me like this,” he says. “Please, let me walk away. Just go,” she responds. It’s only until Dario comes over to put his arm around Shelby that Nathan back off from her.

Can we do some real talk in the middle of the puzzle sleuthing/reality show recapping? Nathan’s behavior towards Shelby in this scene is really disconcerting and, frankly, scary. What if this exchange didn’t happen on TV or in a house full of other people? If someone is uncomfortable by your actions, then immediately let them go. Real nice guys and girls as opposed to Nice Guys™, know that possessive behavior especially in the beginning of a maybe relationship is anything but attractive. This is textbook unhealthy relationship behavior and should be avoided at all costs.

On a lighter note, here’s a recap of Nathan in this episode:

The winning couples ride mini-boats to Icacos, enjoying their mini-dates on the mini-island. Ashley and Layton commiserate over religion. On one level, Layton realizes that Ashley is the type of girl he should go for, but on the level that matters, Ashley is not the girl Layton has been pursuing. John and Christina hit it off, building sandcastles in the sand and secreting kisses in the water. Not far off, Brandon and Alex hang out pleasantly enough, but Alex affirms they are not a match. She’s all for consoling a friend, but she’s not into sensitive men.

Because why the hell not, the remaining contestants vote Brandon and Alex into the truth booth. This is the third time in a row Brandon heads to the truth booth. According to the great and powerful truth booth, Brandon and Alex are not a match. This is the third time in a row the truth booth has rejected Brandon. Burn.

Anthony continues to neg then compliment Jenni, which Jenni falls for and calls “vibing.” They kiss and Jenni makes sure it doesn’t get farther than that as Layton silently fumes elsewhere in the house. Brandon and Christina would have gone farther than just kissing if John hadn’t interrupted them. Brandon calls John lame, but hey, Christina spends the remainder of the night with John. He may be lame, but he got the girl’s attention.

For the third match up ceremony, Jasmine explains that the contestants focused this time on “hearts over heads.” The match up ceremony results seem less like hearts over heads and more like random pairs plus established couples. Nathan picks Jessica and Brandon picks Shelby just because. Ellie and Tyler are the last girls left standing again, and Tyler isn’t chosen for the umpteenth time.

The Eleventh Girl Conundrum has so far resulted not in the dramatic way MTV intended but a whimpering, predictable, and depressing element to the show. It’s especially depressing in that it messes with my calculations. Curse you, Eleventh Girl Conundrum! Oh yeah, and the contestants confirmed three perfect matches, up one from the past two ceremonies.

Match Ceremony

Excluded: Tyler

Assorted Clues

  • Thanks to the truth booth results and my educated guesses, I posit that Brandon’s perfect match is Jenni or Jasmine.
  • A montage of current and future male crying incidents aired on The Aftermatch, showing both Pratt and Curtis crying in future episodes. While Paris and John’s hookup definitely explains Pratt’s distress, what could make Curtis cry except for a confirmation that Briana is not his match? Oh no!

Are You the One?, rated TV-14, airs Mondays at 10 p.m. on MTV.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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