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'Total Divas' recaps: Drama outside the ring

Season 3 | Episode 8 | “Cross Country Catastrophe” | Aired Oct 19, 2014

It’s another two-for-the-price-of one as the WWE unleashes back-to-back episodes in which the drama outside of the ring takes center stage. Seriously, when was the last time we got some old school ring action showcasing the Divas as warrior athletes? C’mon Vince McMahon, at least pretend to remind us that these women are extremely well trained athletes and not just Housewives in spandex! But I digress.

Thanks to his injury and subsequent lack of paycheck, notorious tightwad Bryan clamps down on the household finances by putting Brie on credit card probation. She agrees but, without so much as a second thought, then proceeds to pick up the $400 check for her mother’s 50th birthday dinner. But before we have time to do the mental inventory of what exactly four people can eat to cost that much, Bryan is on the phone to his spendthrift wife guilt-tripping her for not running the expense by him first.

Jonathan and Eva pack up for yet another move. Adding to the fun is a planned couples road trip. But if you’ve ever had the pleasure of being cramped in a moving vehicle traveling cross country and surrounded by equally annoying people, prepare to experience some major flashbacks. It’s the road trip from hell as Eva, Jonathan, Ariane, and Vinnie travel from Florida to California  while grousing one another. While Eva is angry that Jonathan is so hellbent on sticking with a schedule that all the fun is being sucked from the trip, Ariane takes Vinnie to task for showing out in front of his friends.

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Rosa hits the trampoline with some more eye candy, upset that Gary hasn’t been calling her back. The two bond over their shared Christianity, but the love fest comes to a screeching halt when he reveals that he is waiting until marriage to have sex. Her next guy, Nate, is a straight-from-Instagram bodybuilder who she wastes no time informing of her sobriety and horniness. Alas, her sex eyes fail because Nate is into good girls.

Last week, we saw hot-to-trot Summer sneak off for a lunch date with Rosa’s new guy, Greg, and tonight the fallout from that little tryst took center stage. A highly pressed Rosa calls out Summer for her actions, but Summer essentially blows off Rosa. And considering that Rosa was one of the few Divas still actively speaking to Summer, that may not have been such a good idea.

Brie explains the importance of looking a certain way for her career and that having the ability to spend as she sits fit is essential to maintaining her brand. To his credit, Bryan understands and apologizes for his cheapskate ways. In other Diva news, Rosa hits the lesbian bar with Nattie but manages to lock lips with another hottie. She then gets a lecture from Nattie who is worried about Rosa relapsing. And the worst road trip ever meets a quick end when the couples decide to hire professional movers and fly. Why they didn’t elect to do that originally remains an unsolved mystery.


Season 3 | Episode 9 | “Daddy’s Little Girl” | Aired Oct 19, 2014

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Eva excitedly plans her wedding, and the whole thing is bittersweet considering that her dad’s cancer is advancing rapidly. After learning that Eva has been dealing with her father’s cancer diagnosis, Brie and Nikki offer their friend support. Unfortunately, the Bella Twins decide to do it right after a show, and Eva is beyond pissed to have something so personal brought up at work. Wanting to make amends, Brie plots to throw Eva a fabulous wedding shower.

In a scenario straight out of a low budget romantic comedy, it is revealed that Nattie and TJ are still living together but just as roommates. Lest you think there is hope for this marriage, the two spend an inordinate amount of time sniping with one another over how to divide up the furniture and cats in the event of a divorce. They even consult an attorney who wastes no time in telling he two that divorce can be one expensive proposition. Eventually the potshots give way to Nattie doing her best scrunched up crying face and lamenting the sad state of their union. Not surprising, this crying jag is suspiciously devoid of tears.

Ariane takes a tour of Nikki and John’s pad and decides that the time is right to buy a house. She hits Nikki up as her Realtor. The first sign that this is a bad idea is when Nikki takes Ariane to see a house way out of her price range. But when Ariane asks Nikki if she’d take just half of her commission so that they can afford their dream house, Nikki throws shade at Ariane’s budget and at Vinnie’s job. Folks, this is why you don’t work with friends. Ultimately though, they work things out and agree to move on for the sake of the friendship.

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Back at Case de Awkward, Naomi is caught in the crossfire as Nattie and TJ argue and throw each other’s laundry out on the front lawn. Having had enough, TJ packs up his belongings and leaves. But when he has the gall to turn up to a WWE event, you know the place he works, Nattie unleashes on him for embarrassing her at work. Yo Nattie, self-involved much?

The surprise-wedding shower for Eva is a raging success. Eva is shocked to see her family and friends, and is even giddier when Jonathan shows up to gift her with an upgraded engagement ring. But being around her mother makes Eva introspective as she asks her mother how she is feeling. Her mother also tells Eva to call in daily because talking to Eva always makes her father’s day. She decides to pick up the phone and the love between father and daughter is palpable.

Comments, gripes, and observations

  • I seriously need a whole episode of Stephanie McMahon just talking trash to the other Divas.
  • Nikki’s reaction to Brie’s robbery story was priceless. Apparently hippies can’t be robbed what with their recycled furniture and all.
  • Did anyone else think Ariane and Eva would have been better off Thelma and Louise-ing it cross country?
  • The Divas come together to plan to do some charity work for the Susan G. Komen Foundation. But we never see it. What’s up with that?
  • Only in this show could rocking chairs be considered the sign of the devil.
  • What kind of real estate agent doesn’t get a price range before starting? It was hard not to feel for Ariane and Vinnie as they looked at their dream house in comparison to their budget.
  • Hey Brie, a Transformers-style party sounds AWE-some!
  • Eva Marie’s storyline remains the most heartbreaking and honest of the show. It really does ground some of the other storyline craziness.

Total Divas airs Sundays at 9/8C on E!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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