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'Family Guy' recap: Peter and Lois find their sweet spot

Season 13 | Episode 3 | “Baking Bad” | Aired Oct 19, 2014

Although “Baking Bad” has zero references to Breaking Bad, it’s still a decent half hour of television.

After hearing news of the earthquake in Haiti, Lois pledges to start a blood drive in Quahog to raise money for the Haitian people. At the blood drive, Lois convinces Peter to give blood by promising him a homemade cookie afterward. Amazed by her cookies, Peter gives Lois the ultimate compliment.

“They’re even tastier than Connie Britton’s hair,” Peter exclaims, setting up a cutaway with Connie Britton voicing herself, as Peter munches on one of her blond locks. Family Guy executive producer Steve Callaghan told EW, “Especially if you saw her in Friday Night Lights, her hair just looks so yummy, you want to take a bite of it.”

Fox; Matt Sayles/AP

Fox; Matt Sayles/AP

Obsessed with the cookies, Peter suggests he and Lois open their own bakery. Lois jumps on the idea because it sounds romantic: “I always wanted you and me to work on a project together.” They’re quickly approved for a bank loan because the bank’s supervisor is Cookie Monster.

Meanwhile, Stewie fusses to Brian about not being to sleep. After counting sheep and bedtime stories don’t work, Brian gives Stewie a capful of cough syrup, which instantly does the trick. Stewie feels amazing and sleeps through the night. The next morning, Stewie knocks back more cough syrup, develops a wacky-drunk cackle and starts wearing a top hat.

The Griffins open Peter’s Wife’s Cookies for business, but can’t make money. Their best customer is a woman who whispers “I’m so bad” every time she samples a cookie. After she guarantees she won’t buy anything, Peter smacks her with a cookie tin. “That was the right thing to do, Peter,” Lois says. When Peter complains about the business tanking, Quagmire, naturally, recommends hiring hot girls to sell the cookies. Giggity.

FOX

“I love the name!” Lois exclaims to Peter. “And I love you!”

The next day, Lois arrives at the shop and sees a line out the door, with young women serving cookies in bikinis. Horrified, Lois demands an explanation from Peter. “Don’t worry,” he says. “I only hired girls whose names are cookie-related.” There’s Cookie, Sugar, Brown Sugar, Spice, Cinnamon, and Butter (who’s a little heavier than the other girls). “Some guys like Butter,” Peter explains. Lois hates the change, but Peter impresses her with how much money they’re making. She tries to get behind the idea to raise more money for Haiti, but no one’s interested in her cause.

Stewie, meanwhile, has become a full-fledged addict, carrying around bottles of cough syrup and dribbling out fantastic lines like “I want to order…a kebob…and I want it to be veggie-meat-veggie-veggie-meat-meat-veggie.” But soon, he starts drinking and driving and crashes into another toddler on his tricycle. The kid wobbles away with a bad head wound, prompting Brian to hold an intervention for Stewie. “My sinuses are remarkably wide open,” Stewie wails, before admitting he has a problem. Brian leaves to break up a masturbation intervention for Chris.

Brian gives Stewie cough syrup to sleep.

Brian gives Stewie cough syrup to sleep.

The cookie business turns into a regular strip club with free cookies, complete with poles and glory holes. Business is booming, and Lois is outraged. She finally storms out, leaving Peter to run the business alone. Immediately, Peter licks cookie dough off a 20-year-old, gets sick, throws up, and finds out all the strippers are laughing at him because they think he’s “fat and old.” Defeated, Peter bakes Lois a “P + L” cookie and runs home to apologize to his wife and give up the shop.

The story wraps up neatly in the 30 minutes, but was Connie Britton the most relevant cameo they could get? Seems like a missed opportunity for Alyssa Milano as one of the cookie girls. Milano, it could’ve been you with the chlamydia fingers!

The Insult of the Week goes to Stewie, after taking his first sip of cough syrup. “Mmm! So this is what Lil Wayne keeps almost dying from.”

Family Guy airs Sundays at 9/8C on Fox.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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