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'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' recap: College roommates suck, literally

Note: Buffy the Vampire Slayer was my security blanket during formative teenage years. I’m overjoyed to relive the show with all of you through a new series of recaps.

Season 4 | Episode 2 | “Living Conditions” | Aired Oct 12, 1999 on The WB

Buffy fans first encounter her college roommate, Kathy Newman, in the season 4 premiere. “I just know that this whole year is gonna be super-fun,” Kathy says, while taping up a gigantic poster of Celine Dion to her wall. She’s a bubbly, cheerful chatterbox and seems on track to being a semi-permanent addition for Buffy’s first year at UC Sunnydale. Until episode 2.

Kathy’s blasting “Do You Believe in Life After Love?” on repeat and it’s driving Buffy, a sane person, insane. So Buffy decides to go on patrol, leading the roommates to engage in the stilted, passive-aggressive conversation of two people forced to spend time with each other.

“I guess I just didn’t realize you’d be coming and going at all hours,” Kathy says. “Not that I mind. I’m just surprised.”

Buffy tries repeatedly to leave, as Cher yodels on in the background, but Kathy wants to show Buffy her anal-retentive system to log phone calls. (We’re just two minutes into the episode, and already Buffy has dated itself, with CDs and a landline telephone.) Anyway, Buffy can’t get outta there fast enough. “And you thought your days of sneaking out were over,” Willow quips.

After hearing Kathy spin the best of VH1 all day and night, Buffy is on edge and itching to dust some vamps. But “Living Conditions” is the first episode of the series since “Inca Mummy Girl” not to feature a single vampire. Before the opening credits, we do see a glowy-eyed monster hiding in the bushes outside Willow’s dorm, watching Buffy. (Way to go, UC Sunnydale campus security.)

Buffy hears rustling in the woods—a demon? Nope, just Kathy again, who wants to hang out. But the glowy-eyed demon attacks the girls and Buffy is forced to throw Kathy into a bush so she can fight without being seen. Kathy’s sweater is ruined. Their rocky relationship continues.

Buffy does not like Cher.

Buffy does not like Cher.

Buffy visits Giles to report the demon fight, but really to wait until Kathy goes to class. Giles offers advice about how it’s hard to live with someone else, and how Buffy ought to try and tolerate it. Back in their Stevenson Hall dorm, Kathy is still sighing over her ruined sweater and decides to wear one of Buffy’s sweaters. She unlocks Buffy’s closet and finds all her weapons—stakes, crosses, and crossbow. Bad news.

At lunchtime, Buffy hits up the cafeteria and again runs into Kathy. She tries to hide by cutting someone in line. It’s Parker Abrams, a significantly negative blip in Buffy’s college experience. Parker calls Buffy out for being a freshman, and offers some advice to save money on her meal plan, appearing to be totally not the douchenozzle he turns out to be.

Buffy meets up with the ol’ Scooby gang for lunch, putting to bed any worries at the time the new college set would break up Oz, Willow, and Xander. Buffy shares the demon news, Willow comments on Parker’s “random adorableness,” and Xander practically begs to help Buffy beat the demon. He’s living with his parents and he’s clearly bored out of his mind.

But they have to cut the demon talk short, because Kathy has appeared. She plops down at their table, wearing Buffy’s sweater, which leads to an awkward little tiff between them. She tells Xander she’s from Nebraska, originally, before spilling ketchup all over that light blue cardigan. Buffy glares. First World problems.

buffy2

The writers have fun showing Buffy and Kathy’s growing hatred for each other. They engage in a dorm-room Cold War to piss each other off. Kathy flosses in bed and labels everything in their mini-fridge, including individual eggs. Buffy leaves her gum everywhere and keeps the window open. That night, Buffy has a nightmare of the glowy-eyed demon, a scorpion, and being forced to drink blood. She wakes up to Kathy’s irritated face: “Do you always make that noise when you sleep?”

Willow, Oz, and Giles realize Buffy and Kathy are having the same nightmares, but Buffy can only focus on throwing shade Kathy’s way. Willow notices Buffy is acting like a downright “Cordelia-esque” jerk.

Things come to a rolling boil when Buffy comes home to see Parker is in their room. He stopped by to give Buffy freezer bags—per their meal-plan flirting—but now he’s sitting and chatting on Kathy’s bed. Infuriated, Buffy shoos Parker away and starts a fight. Kathy accuses her of being spoiled. “Maybe the world revolved around you where you used to live, but it’s share time now!” she declares. Buffy promptly goes to the fridge and drinks the rest of Kathy’s milk on the spot, giving us this memorable milk GIF.

milk

Oz offers to check on Buffy for signs she’s going over the edge. On his way to find her on patrol, he passes Veruca and her band, and gets all kinds of weird werewolf tinglies. She becomes important later. Nearby, military guys are patrolling in the woods. This episode pretty much sets up the rest of the season.

The real foil for Buffy this episode is poor bookworm Willow. She’s stuck with a bad roomie too, whom we never meet. That roommate throws parties every night, forcing Willow to study all the time in the library. Willow, being of sound mind, just deals with it. Buffy, on the other hand, says, “Kathy’s evil. I’m an evil fighter. It’s simple. I’m gonna have to kill her.”

Now, at this point, everyone think Buffy’s being crazy, and they’re half-right. But crazy Buffy found a clue that Kathy is a demon (her toenails grow after they’re cut), and no one believes her. Thinking a demon has possessed Buffy, Giles, Oz, and Xander tie Buffy up so Giles can go to the magic shop to get supplies for an anti-possession spell.

No ropes will keep a Slayer down! Buffy pulls free, knocks out the boys, and goes to confront Kathy, who almost immediately throws the first punch. During the fight, Buffy peels off Kathy’s face, revealing that she’s one of those glowy-eyed demons.

Demon Kathy has been stealing Buffy's soul this whole time.

Demon Kathy, the soul-sucking roommate

Just in time, Giles realizes Kathy has been sucking out Buffy’s soul as she sleeps in their unreasonably large freshman dorm room, causing Buffy’s rage, paranoia, and all those weird nightmares. Duh! Off your game, Giles, seriously. Even Kathy’s last name, Newman, hints that she is in fact a new human.

As Kathy and Buffy beat each other up in the dorm, Oz and Xander hurry back to campus to try to help (they don’t), while Giles and Willow perform a spell to return Buffy’s soul to her body. After they succeed, Kathy’s demon father shows up to chide her for sneaking out, basically, and forces her back into their dimension. You gotta feel bad for Kathy at this point. She escaped her dimension just to go to college! Arne Duncan would be proud.

Willow finally moves into Buffy’s room, with her Dingoes poster and a penchant for Buffy’s sandwiches. The best friends found where they belong, but viewers see Buffy still doesn’t like to share. Only children, man.

Big bad of the week: Kathy, the spot-on metaphor for soul-sucking roommates everywhere.

Quote of the week: Oz gets all the best zingers this week: “Nobody deserves mime, Buffy.” Also, “On the plus side, you killed the bench, which was looking shifty.” Raise your hand if you miss Seth Green.

Heinous ’90s fashion of the week: Bandannas as headbands.

TV Families

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TV Families

TV Families — We compare various television clans through the years to see how they stack up, from ”The Brady Bunch” to ”The Flintstones”

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The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdheadercmad_223x92']; }; // Remember, this is going to just be a reference not a copy. window.peopleAdMappings['header-cm-ad_223x92']['peopleAdheadercmad_223x92'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdheadercmad_223x92']; window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds']['peopleAdheadercmad_223x92'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdheadercmad_223x92']; // POS Groups information. </script> </div> <!-- /.header-cm-ad_223x92 --> </span> </div> </header><!-- #masthead --> <div id="people-time-health-banner"><div id="ad-time-health"></div></div> <div id="site__content" class="site__content"> <main role="main"> <article id="post-588800" class="article-single post-588800 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-article category-music creative-work-11730"> <header class="article-header"> <h2 class="article-header__subchannel channel__color--color"><a class="channel__color--color" href="/article/">Article</a></h2><h1 class="article-header__title">000</h1><p class="article-header__byline"><a href="http://ew.com/author/elisabeth-vincentelli/" aria-label="Posts by Elisabeth Vincentelli" class="author url fn" rel="author">Elisabeth Vincentelli</a></p><p class="article-header__timestamp">Posted on <time datetime="2000-04-14T04:00:00+00:00">April 14, 2000 at 4:00am EDT</time></p> <div class="article-header__share"> <div class="sharedaddy sd-sharing-enabled"><div class="robots-nocontent sd-block sd-social sd-social-icon-text sd-sharing"><div class="sd-content"><ul><li class="share-facebook"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-facebook-588800" class="share-facebook sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=facebook" target="_blank" title="Share"><span>Share</span></a></li><li class="share-twitter"><a rel="nofollow" data-shared="sharing-twitter-588800" class="share-twitter sd-button share-icon" href="http://ew.com/article/2000/04/14/000/?share=twitter" target="_blank" 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[]; window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds'] = window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds'] || {}; window.time_dfp.push( function() { time_dfp.defineSlot(window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250'])}); if ( 'undefined' === typeof window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250'] || 'undefined' === typeof window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250']['default'] ) { window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250'] = {}; // Remember, this is going to just be a reference not a copy. window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250']['default'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250']; }; // Remember, this is going to just be a reference not a copy. window.peopleAdMappings['hp_300x250']['peopleAdhp_300x250'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250']; window.peopleAdMappings['_renderedAds']['peopleAdhp_300x250'] = window.peopleAdMappings['peopleAdhp_300x250']; // POS Groups information. </script> </div> </div> <div class="article-single__content"> <h3 class="article__creative-work-title">000</h3> <dl id="article__creative-work-info" class="article__creative-work-info"> <dt>type:</dt> <dd>Music</dd> <dt>Current Status:</dt> <dd>In Season</dd> </dl> <div class="article-body"> <div class="article__letter-grade"><span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span><p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p></div> <div class="article-body__inner"> <div class="triangle-anchor"></div><p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p> </div> <div class="article-body__show-full"> <button id="button--show-full" class="channel__color--background-color" type="button">Show Full Article</button> </div> </div> <!-- template: article-footer --> <footer class="article-footer"> <div class="articles-recirculation articles-recirculation--footer articles-recirculation--see-also channel__color--border-color"> <!-- template: article-footer-section-title --> <h2 class="article-footer__section-title channel__color--border-color article-footer__section-title--third-party"> <div class="article-footer__section-title-inner-wrap"> <span class="article-footer__section-title-span"> <span class="article-footer__section-title-more article-footer__section-title-more--" data-mobile-title=""> sponsored stories </span> </span> </div> </h2> <div class="ob-widget-wrapper " 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