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Interrupted soap opera weddings: Speak now or forever hold yo—

It’s been a rough season for soap opera weddings. First, on Days of Our Lives, EJ got arrested right after his and Sami’s ceremony (though interrupted weddings are kind of a tradition for them). Then, on The Bold and the Beautiful, Hope waited for Liam meet her at their special Parisian spot to prove his love, but when he didn’t show (he was rescuing a girl who’d fallen into the Seine River; yes, that old excuse), she married Wyatt instead. (Wyatt’s mom was the one who pushed said hapless girl into the Seine precisely so this would happen; she knows Hope doesn’t like to be kept waiting.) And finally, last week, a newly no-longer comatose Phyllis brought Sharon and Nick’s umpteenth wedding ceremony to a grinding halt on The Young and the Restless.

But these were just run-of-the-mill soap opera wedding interruptions. (We’ll bet the caterers didn’t even give them their deposit back because they should have expected it and planned accordingly!) Check out some of these truly momentous aborted ceremonies.

Grand gestures

Daytime’s largest audience ever—14 million people—watched General Hospital‘s Luke and Laura get married in 1981. That means that 14 million people also saw Laura’s ex-husband, Scotty, unexpectedly pop out of the crowd to catch Laura’s wedding bouquet—an act that was then–head writer Thom Racina’s idea. In my book, Soap Opera 451: A Time Capsule of Daytime Drama’s Greatest Moments, Racina says, “I pulled that out my writer’s hat at the last minute—Scotty catching the bouquet. It’s a twist and, God knows, in daytime, twists are the foundation of keeping the audience tuning in tomorrow!” In the days before posted spoilers and Internet message boards, it was a true shocker.

Not to be outdone, in 1984, DOOL‘s own supercouple, Bo and Hope, got a grand gesture of their own when Bo kidnapped Hope from her wedding to sleazy Larry, plopped her onto the back of his motorcycle, and roared away to the pounding beat of “Holding Out for a Hero.” Some 20 years later, Bo and Hope’s son, Shawn-Douglas—proving he was a chip off the old hog—crashed his motorcycle through a church window in order to keep the love of his life from marrying another man.

Animal husbandry

While B&B’s Brooke took gate-crashing up a level by riding her horse into the room where her ex-husband, Ridge, was remarrying his other ex-wife on All My Children, it was Harold the dog who exposed Jane as Janet from Another Planet in the middle of her wedding to Trevor. To prevent just this sort of thing from happening, Janet had drugged the loyal mutt and loaded him into a moving truck headed for California. But never underestimate the determination of a dog—especially one with a boy named Timmy for an owner. Did Lassie teach you nothing, Janet?

Finally, when the Emmy Award–winning Another World ended its 35-year run in 1999, precious final minutes (during which viewers could have been saying goodbye to beloved characters) were taken up by a gorilla. Escaping the zoo. And kidnapping Cass. On his wedding day. Requiring the entire cast to serenade it. (Now, see, this is why soaps don’t always get the respect they deserve.)

Not really dead

Most brides expect their dads to walk them down the aisle—not swoop through the church on a rope wearing a mask in order to defuse a bomb set by the father of the groom who is pretending to be paralyzed (especially not when they’ve been presumed dead for over a decade). But that’s exactly what happened to Guiding Light‘s Blake and Phillip.

Meanwhile, over on One Life to Live—with his wife, Tina, having gone over Argentina’s Iguazu Falls (without a barrel!)—Cord felt perfectly justified in marrying Kate. That is, until Tina burst through the door in the middle of his vows. With their baby in her arms. It wasn’t really their baby, but Cord didn’t know that. Also, Marcia Cross played Kate, but this was before Melrose Place and Desperate Housewives, so Tina didn’t know what she was up against. Later, Tina had her own wedding snafu when she lovingly intoned, “I take thee, Cord …” Except that the guy she was marrying was named Max. Oops.

Really dead

As the World Turns’ Paul pretended to marry Rose, so that he could excoriate her for all of her past sins while they stood at the altar in front of family and friends. Once he was done telling everyone what a horrible person she was, Rose fainted. She wasn’t emotionally distraught. She’d been poisoned. And soon she was dead.

Got a favorite interrupted wedding of your own? Share it in the comments. We wouldn’t dream of stopping you …

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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