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'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' recap: 'The Freshman' is always a punching bag

Note: Buffy the Vampire Slayer was a security blanket during my formative teenage years. I’m overjoyed to relive the show with all of you through a new series of recaps. I’m starting with season 4, while other fine contributors will take previous seasons.

Season 4 | Episode 1 | “The Freshman” | Aired Oct 5, 1999 on The WB

Buffy’s second most important transition (other than her death and rebirth on UPN) was her move from high school to college. With Angel and Cordelia off to Los Angeles with their own show, and Giles officially off the clock, Buffy is thrown for a loop. After her many high school cries for independence, Buffy is finally on her own at UC Sunnydale and has no idea how to handle it.

Per tradition, season 4 begins in the cemetery. Buffy and Willow are picking out their freshman-year classes and waiting for a vamp to rise. Y’know, girl stuff. Willow suggests “Introduction to the Modern Novel,” but Buffy doesn’t want to take on too much on top of all those slayer duties. Most time-consuming extracurricular activity ever, right? “Is there an ‘Introduction to the Modern Blurb?'” Buffy asks. Oh, Buffy, you’re showing your age. If this aired today, it would be “Introduction to the Modern Tweet.”

Buffy tells Willow she wants to keep her instincts sharp, while a vampire rises and hovers right behind her, primed for attack. Her oblivious attitude sets the stage for the premiere. Despite her best efforts and intentions to take control, Buffy lags two steps behind.

It’s a new start for the whole gang, except Buffy. Xander is off on a road trip around the U.S., and Oz already booked band gigs around campus. Willow eagerly blends in at college, soaking up knowledge and embarking upon her feminist enlightenment. “I’ve heard about five different issues and I’m angry about every single one of them,” she declares joyfully on their first day, before trading a Take Back the Night rally flier for Buffy’s frat-party handout. Free Jell-O shots for freshman women!

But Buffy feels overwhelmed and disoriented, and she’s quickly realizing how expensive college textbooks are. “I can’t wait till Mom gets the bill for these books,” she says. “I hope it’s a funny aneurysm.” (And THAT is how to foreshadow. TV writers, take note.)

That’s when we meet the dreamy T.A. Riley, sporting the Joey Tribbiani haircut of 1994. Buffy spills heavy psychology books on his head while he’s inexplicably reading on the floor of the bookstore. She stumbles over her apology, in the presence of the finest pectoral muscles since Angel left town.

Buffy meets Riley.

Buffy meets Riley.

As a teenager, I was easily dazzled with Sarah Michelle Gellar’s one-liners. She was an expressive pro at a young age, excelling at her character’s most vulnerable, awkward moments. As an adult, though, I’m more struck by Buffy’s one-liners paired with Alyson Hannigan’s skilled comic timing. Buffy’s sheepish “I’m nice to meet” line to Riley was 10 times more effective thanks to Willow’s not-missing-a-beat questions. Hannigan and Gellar developed great chemistry throughout Buffy, but there’s nothing like watching them experience college together.

How strange is it, though, that they didn’t ask to be roommates in the first place?

Buffy’s first week at UC Sunnydale grows more terrible with each passing day. She can’t find any buildings, she lives with a Celine Dion fan, and she’s publicly humiliated by a pop-culture professor. Y’all could never forget that scene, could you? Even though I’m employed and never have to attend a college class again, my heart stops every time that balding gargoyle raises his voice: “You are sucking energy from everyone in this room. They came here to learn. GET OUT!”

“I didn’t mean to … suck,” Buffy trails off as she rushes out.

After Professor Walsh debuts with her fast-chatter threats in Psych 105 (“I recommend Geology 101—that’s where the football players are.”), Buffy gets lost looking for her dorm and meets Eddie, an equally lost freshman and “Of Human Bondage” fan. They help each other find the dorms and make small talk, both relieved to not be alone in their freshman state.

Eddie smiles as he walks away, happy to have made a friend. But this is Buffy, not Dawson’s Creek, and vampires promptly jump Eddie, kill him, and steal his stuff. They leave a note in his dorm, pretending he “couldn’t handle” college.

This is the work of Sunday (Katherine Towne), definitely among the top-five worst Buffy villains of all time. Sunday is so awful. She’s been killing freshmen and robbing their stuff since roughly 1982, meaning she’s a super-senior who never developed and never got better lackeys. Her best joke is the Klimt vs. Monet poster collection from the dorms of dead freshmen; she’s only collected about a dozen in the last 17 years.

Sunday.

Sunday.

There’s no reason Buffy should be intimidated by this broad, especially after defeating the Mayor, but Buffy is not exactly at her peak of confidence. Sunday, in her Miley Cyrus hair twists, actually beats Buffy down and scares her away. Isn’t that the worst part about college—when you’ve got the best left hook in high school, then you realize someone’s got a better one in college?

Buffy just can’t keep up. Worse yet, Giles starts “acting like Hugh Hefner” and playing house with an old flame. Though Buffy correctly guesses a gang of vamps is preying on college freshmen, Giles tells her to handle it on her own, with her own research and her own damn charts.

Buffy sinks further into a lonely depression and returns home, needing Mom. Joyce, however, has already filled Buffy’s old room with packing crates from her job at the gallery. Buffy doesn’t even have a room to come home to. She returns to campus and finds that Sunday stole all her things and already planted a goodbye note from Buffy.

Defeated, Buffy trudges to her old haunt, the Bronze, looking like she just got “diagnosed with cancer of the puppy.” After wishfully thinking she saw Angel, she runs into a much-needed familiar face: Xander (!), who says just the right thing to pull Buffy out of her wallowing pit of self-pity. It’s one of many more moments where Xander proves he’s the glue of the group, despite having zero magical abilities or specialties to fight evil.

Xander helps her track down the vamps’ haunt—the abandoned Phi Theta fraternity house. Buffy prepares to attack Sunday, but makes the mistake of watching the vamps from a perch on an old glass roof. After sending Xander for backup, she falls through the window and lands pathetically at Sunday’s feet.

Buffy can’t even deliver one of her signature zingers before they fight. Hurt from the fall, Buffy again plays a punching bag, until Sunday snaps her Class Protector umbrella from high school. It pushes Buffy over the edge and reminds her of all she accomplished, all the people she saved, before now. She starts to fight like a slayer. Just as Xander, Willow, and Oz burst in to help, Buffy dusts Sunday and most of the other vamps. One gets away.

The final scene introduces the Initiative—troops in camouflage who attack and approach the runaway vampire—before the credits roll. Military? In the Buffyverse where mere police forces don’t even exist? It’s a clever hook—a threat to both vampires and Buffy. As we learned in season 3 with Faith, Buffy can play well with others … as long as they don’t get in her way.

Big bad of the week: Sure, Sunday technically takes this title, but there’s nothing worse than a heartless pop-culture professor.

Quote of the week: On Giles’ new position as a gentleman of leisure: “Isn’t that just British for ‘unemployed’?” —Buffy to Willow

Heinous ’90s fashion of the week: Jeans with patches. They’re so heinous that Sunday and the vamps actually make fun of Buffy’s ensemble during their first encounter. “I wouldn’t be caught wearing that,” Sunday tells Buffy, before beating her up. Worst kind of bully.

TV Families

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TV Families

TV Families — We compare various television clans through the years to see how they stack up, from ”The Brady Bunch” to ”The Flintstones”

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The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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<div class="article-body"> <div class="article__letter-grade"><span class="article__letter-grade-shape channel__color--background-color"></span><p aria-label="Letter grade">We gave it a <strong>B</strong></p></div> <div class="article-body__inner"> <div class="triangle-anchor"></div><p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. 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