Season 1 | Episode 2 | “Meteor Shower” | Aired Oct 9, 2014
Parked at a stop sign, Rebecca waits for an old lady with a walker to verrrrry slowly cross the street in front of Bill & Ted’s excellent wolf-lady van. The guy behind her lays on his horn, so she jumps out, which reveals that she’s only half-dressed in a skirt and heels and black bra. Strolling to the nearby firetruck, she grabs a fire ax and swings the pointy end of it into the convertible’s tire, ignoring the protests of the hottie fireman (Ryan McPartlin, aka Captain Awesome from Chuck .) Rebecca greets him: “You’re cute.” When he complains about the ax misappropriation, she passes him her business card. The one that says “JUDGE.”
Swing from the hips.
In the courthouse parking lot, Judge Hernandez scolds Rebecca for driving half-dressed, particularly when the courthouse is crawling with paparazzi covering B-list actress Brianna Lohan Barton’s case. Rebecca complains that she has to drive en déshabillé because the van is too hot with no A/C. But her makeup and hair are flawless. Ho-kay. The paparazzi run over to get her opinion on starlet Brianna’s hair. Rebecca responds by giving them the double bird in her skirt and bra: “Justice! At work!”
Rebecca runs into Gary. But she doesn’t have time for a quickie today, which works for him, as he’s testifying somewhere else. He asks to come over to her place that night, which perks her right up. In chambers, Tedward reveals how her flip-off has already made the tabloid homepage, but Rebecca’s mostly put out about being labeled with a muffin top. Inside the courtroom, Rebecca is all business until she notices Brianna isn’t paying attention. Brianna fakes-gushes, “Oh my God, I’m like, supes sorry. I was listening to my Sonic Cloud headphones.” You were certainly listening to some cloud there, sweetie. Pretty sure it’s just your head space.
Rebecca confiscates the headphones and threatens to fine Brianna if she does the pouty duck-face thing again. Oh, if only we could do that to all Instagrammers. A cell phone goes off and Rebecca promises to send the next offender to lock up. Brianna pleads no contest, and Rebecca is delighted to move right on to sentencing.
Later, when Gary arrives at Rebecca’s house, she’s already laid out funky brownies, courtesy of the evidence locker, and ordered up Inception in 3D, which sounds like an even bigger brain-screw than the original version. But Gary just stopped by to get his Magic Mountain pass for his date with a girl from the coroner’s office. Rebecca is annoyed since she thought they had plans, so he suggests they go see the meteor shower on Friday. Rebecca vows to have a great night without him.
Two funky brownies and one Inception in 3D showing later, Rebecca is freaking out. “911! I forgot how to breathe! AND? There’s giant fruit!” The firemen respond to her distress signal with a slow-mo entrance set to “I Need a Hero,” which sends Rebecca into a whole ‘nother kind of heat wave. Hot Fireman is there too, and he’s digging Rebecca’s books—especially The Outsiders (who doesn’t?), the only book he’s read since seventh grade: “When you find the book you love, there’s no reason to keep reading.” The More You Know …
Tedward enjoying the show
Next morning, Rebecca updates Tedward on her disaster of a night, with the extra tidbit that Hot Fireman asked her out on a date and has now called three times. In the courtroom, Gary testifies that Brianna only committed the crime to get the publicity. He looks right at Rebecca when he adds, “But deep down I believe she is tortured because she has no idea what kind of attention she actually wants from people.” Brianna “accidentally” flashes the photographers with some cleavage. “Hashtag embarrassed,” she simpers. Rebecca promises if Brianna doesn’t cut out the antics, “You’ll be hashtag ContemptOfCourt.” When a cell phone goes off again, Rebecca arrests everyone and outs Brianna as Belinda Wizneeooski from Boise. “What the matter?” she snarks. “Cat got your hashtag?” Heh.
Judge Hernandez waits for Rebecca in chambers, unhappy she arrested the whole courtroom. He threatens her with judicial misconduct if she keeps it up. “And get rid of that van!” Tedward thinks she should call Hot Fireman, but Rebecca doesn’t need the complication. Cut to Rebecca naked in bed with Hot Fireman. He’s got a shoulder tattoo of a Dalmatian puppy in a fireman’s hat with a fire ax in its teeth! Awwww.
Morning after, he calls her “baby,” so that’s the end of that. They have what passes for conversation to emphasize that he’s pretty but dumb. Back in chambers, Tedward recognizes Rebecca’s morning-after-I-got-some caramelized coffee. She cops to sleeping with Hot Fireman, and they fist-bump over the score. In the courtroom, Rebecca sentences Brianna to community service at a remote nunnery. She tells the starlet to use the sentence to figure out who she really is and what she really wants. Tedward thinks this is good advice.
Later, Rebecca is out driving in the desert in Bill & Ted’s excellent wolf-lady van to the strains of The Pretenders’ “Brass in My Pocket (I’m Special).” Naturally, the van craps out on her. She calls for a ride and lies on the roof of the van to watch the meteor shower while she waits. Incidentally, she’s wearing a full-out leopard-skin pill-box hat coat, under which is a T-shirt with the image of a chick rooster and the emblem Ladycock . Respect.
Tedward comes to the rescue in his Smart car, generating the best laugh of the whole episode. Rebecca thanks him for always being there for her. They consider the broken-down van. Rebecca admits the van is pretty much the longest relationship she’s ever had. Tedward thinks Judge Hernandez would understand that. The words aren’t even out of his mouth when an oil tanker crashes into Bill & Ted’s excellent wolf-lady van. Van en flambe .
Tedward picks through the wreckage while Rebecca plows through the five stages of grief. Well, maybe three. They sit on the remains of the bench seat. “I think we can put this thing back together, no problem,” Rebecca says, heavy with the metaphor. “No problem,” Tedward agrees. They realize the seat is still on fire beneath them and abandon all hope.
End credits.
So … the van bit it. Rebecca may secretly want a “relationship” with Gary. And reading is fundamental. At least the leopard print is intact … for the moment.
What did you think?
Bad Judge airs on Thursdays at 9/8C on NBC.
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<p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p>
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'Bad Judge' premiere recap: Wine and cake for breakfast 
