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'Bad Judge' recap: Stay gold, Rebecca

Season 1 | Episode 2 | “Meteor Shower” | Aired Oct 9, 2014

Parked at a stop sign, Rebecca waits for an old lady with a walker to verrrrry slowly cross the street in front of Bill & Ted’s excellent wolf-lady van. The guy behind her lays on his horn, so she jumps out, which reveals that she’s only half-dressed in a skirt and heels and black bra. Strolling to the nearby firetruck, she grabs a fire ax and swings the pointy end of it into the convertible’s tire, ignoring the protests of the hottie fireman (Ryan McPartlin, aka Captain Awesome from Chuck.) Rebecca greets him: “You’re cute.” When he complains about the ax misappropriation, she passes him her business card. The one that says “JUDGE.”

Swing from the hips.

Swing from the hips.

In the courthouse parking lot, Judge Hernandez scolds Rebecca for driving half-dressed, particularly when the courthouse is crawling with paparazzi covering B-list actress Brianna Lohan Barton’s case. Rebecca complains that she has to drive en déshabillé because the van is too hot with no A/C. But her makeup and hair are flawless. Ho-kay. The paparazzi run over to get her opinion on starlet Brianna’s hair. Rebecca responds by giving them the double bird in her skirt and bra: “Justice! At work!”

Rebecca runs into Gary. But she doesn’t have time for a quickie today, which works for him, as he’s testifying somewhere else. He asks to come over to her place that night, which perks her right up. In chambers, Tedward reveals how her flip-off has already made the tabloid homepage, but Rebecca’s mostly put out about being labeled with a muffin top. Inside the courtroom, Rebecca is all business until she notices Brianna isn’t paying attention. Brianna fakes-gushes, “Oh my God, I’m like, supes sorry. I was listening to my Sonic Cloud headphones.” You were certainly listening to some cloud there, sweetie. Pretty sure it’s just your head space.

Rebecca confiscates the headphones and threatens to fine Brianna if she does the pouty duck-face thing again. Oh, if only we could do that to all Instagrammers. A cell phone goes off and Rebecca promises to send the next offender to lock up. Brianna pleads no contest, and Rebecca is delighted to move right on to sentencing.

Later, when Gary arrives at Rebecca’s house, she’s already laid out funky brownies, courtesy of the evidence locker, and ordered up Inception in 3D, which sounds like an even bigger brain-screw than the original version. But Gary just stopped by to get his Magic Mountain pass for his date with a girl from the coroner’s office. Rebecca is annoyed since she thought they had plans, so he suggests they go see the meteor shower on Friday. Rebecca vows to have a great night without him.

Two funky brownies and one Inception in 3D showing later, Rebecca is freaking out. “911! I forgot how to breathe! AND? There’s giant fruit!” The firemen respond to her distress signal with a slow-mo entrance set to “I Need a Hero,” which sends Rebecca into a whole ‘nother kind of heat wave. Hot Fireman is there too, and he’s digging Rebecca’s books—especially The Outsiders (who doesn’t?), the only book he’s read since seventh grade: “When you find the book you love, there’s no reason to keep reading.” The More You Know …

Tedward enjoying the show.

Tedward enjoying the show

Next morning, Rebecca updates Tedward on her disaster of a night, with the extra tidbit that Hot Fireman asked her out on a date and has now called three times. In the courtroom, Gary testifies that Brianna only committed the crime to get the publicity. He looks right at Rebecca when he adds, “But deep down I believe she is tortured because she has no idea what kind of attention she actually wants from people.” Brianna “accidentally” flashes the photographers with some cleavage. “Hashtag embarrassed,” she simpers. Rebecca promises if Brianna doesn’t cut out the antics, “You’ll be hashtag ContemptOfCourt.” When a cell phone goes off again, Rebecca arrests everyone and outs Brianna as Belinda Wizneeooski from Boise. “What the matter?” she snarks. “Cat got your hashtag?” Heh.

Judge Hernandez waits for Rebecca in chambers, unhappy she arrested the whole courtroom. He threatens her with judicial misconduct if she keeps it up. “And get rid of that van!” Tedward thinks she should call Hot Fireman, but Rebecca doesn’t need the complication. Cut to Rebecca naked in bed with Hot Fireman. He’s got a shoulder tattoo of a Dalmatian puppy in a fireman’s hat with a fire ax in its teeth! Awwww.

Morning after, he calls her “baby,” so that’s the end of that. They have what passes for conversation to emphasize that he’s pretty but dumb. Back in chambers, Tedward recognizes Rebecca’s morning-after-I-got-some caramelized coffee. She cops to sleeping with Hot Fireman, and they fist-bump over the score. In the courtroom, Rebecca sentences Brianna to community service at a remote nunnery. She tells the starlet to use the sentence to figure out who she really is and what she really wants. Tedward thinks this is good advice.

Later, Rebecca is out driving in the desert in Bill & Ted’s excellent wolf-lady van to the strains of The Pretenders’ “Brass in My Pocket (I’m Special).” Naturally, the van craps out on her. She calls for a ride and lies on the roof of the van to watch the meteor shower while she waits. Incidentally, she’s wearing a full-out leopard-skin pill-box hat coat, under which is a T-shirt with the image of a chick rooster and the emblem Ladycock. Respect.

Tedward comes to the rescue in his Smart car, generating the best laugh of the whole episode. Rebecca thanks him for always being there for her. They consider the broken-down van. Rebecca admits the van is pretty much the longest relationship she’s ever had. Tedward thinks Judge Hernandez would understand that. The words aren’t even out of his mouth when an oil tanker crashes into Bill & Ted’s excellent wolf-lady van. Van en flambe.

Tedward picks through the wreckage while Rebecca plows through the five stages of grief. Well, maybe three. They sit on the remains of the bench seat. “I think we can put this thing back together, no problem,” Rebecca says, heavy with the metaphor. “No problem,” Tedward agrees. They realize the seat is still on fire beneath them and abandon all hope.

End credits.

So … the van bit it. Rebecca may secretly want a “relationship” with Gary. And reading is fundamental. At least the leopard print is intact … for the moment.

What did you think?

Bad Judge airs on Thursdays at 9/8C on NBC.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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