Season 4 | Episode 1 | “I’m Not Martin” | Aired Oct 4, 2014
R.L. Stine has made his living on scaring children. When I was growing up, the Goosebumps books, a young adult horror anthology series, were some of my favorites. They were turned into a TV show around the same time as Are You Afraid of the Dark? , and I loved scaring myself half to death watching them. Soon after the Goosebumps show ended, it was succeeded by another R.L. Stine show, The Nightmare Room . Now, we have The Haunting Hour , the successor to them all. Though R.L. Stine is not involved in the show, his name is in the official title (R.L. Stine’s The Haunting Hour ), and the stories feel similar in tone and style to those he tells.
To kick off the fourth season, Sean Giambrone of The Goldbergs stars as Sean in “I’m Not Martin.” The episode opens on beautiful, spooky shots of an empty hospital and the medical equipment inside it. Cut to Sean, who’s staying overnight in the hospital to get his tonsils out the following day. In a show with ghosts, ghouls, goblins, and more, this is the logic problem that stuck out in the episode. When you get your tonsils out (or have any other basic surgery), you don’t spend the night before in the hospital. Not one person who worked on this realized that?
Regardless, Sean is in the hospital to get his tonsils out. His brother, Derek, tells him that this hospital has a Halloween legend. On October 31, 1952, a boy was staying in the hospital to get his tonsils out, just like Sean. He was rooming with a boy named Martin who needed his foot cut off. Martin didn’t want to have his surgery, so when no one was looking, he switched his chart with Tonsil Kid’s. The next morning, the orderlies took Tonsil Kid away to cut his foot off as he screamed, “I’m not Martin!” over and over. Now it’s said that Tonsil Kid haunts the hospital, still yelling “I’m not Martin!” and looking for a spare foot to take.
Cue the creepy opening credits. That night, Sean hears a noise from the hallway, and into his room comes Tonsil Kid. As in Terminator , Tonsil Kid says, “If you wanna keep your foot, you’d better come with me.” He explains that the hospital is evil and it needs limbs. Once they take a part of you, you’re stuck there. He tells Sean not to let anyone know who he is, clearly tricking him into passing for Martin. Unfortunately, Sean doesn’t realize this and runs through some doors that lead him back to 1952.
A nurse appears and tells him he’s “gonna love not having a foot.” He runs away but is quickly caught by an orderly, who brings him to a room and straps him to the bed. The doctor (played with wacky campiness by Daryl Shuttleworth) tries to convince him it’s a good thing: “Your chances of stubbing your toe will be reduced by 50 percent.” They leave him be so he can sleep, but he quickly breaks out of his straps.
He sneaks over to the main counter and looks at the rotary phone, confused about how to use it (kids these days). He picks it up and connects to the operator, asking her to call his mom’s cell phone. The operator doesn’t know what a cell phone is, so he asks for the police instead. The police claim they’re on their way, but they call the hospital back and tell the nurse that Sean called them. He runs away again, saying, “Please let me go. You’ve had your fun.” Does he think this is some sort of twisted game for them?
Sean ends up in a maze with drapes for walls. Tonsil Kid chases him until he falls through a drape and into the lobby, where the doctor grabs him and says it’s time for surgery. They bring him to the operating room and knock him out with anesthesia. He wakes up and realizes that it was just a nightmare. His tonsils are out and he’s ready to go home. They get to their car and Derek asks if his story freaked Sean out. He says, “No. Besides, I’m not Martin.” Then, Tonsil Kid appears at his feet and says, “Not yet!”
“I’m Not Martin” is a cheesy start to the season, but the show has long established it runs campier than Goosebumps and its other predecessors did. Sean Giambrone and Daryl Shuttleworth do what they can with the wonky dialogue they’re given, and the opening shots are some of the best-looking ones the show’s had. This episode is about as middle-of-the-road as they come for The Haunting Hour.
R.L. Stine’s The Haunting Hour airs Saturdays at 4/3C on the Hub Network.
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<p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. Though it doesn’t come close to the delirious energy of the band’s shows, <em>000</em> is a shot of put-your-hands-in-the-air party music. <strong>B</strong></p>
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