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'Million Dollar Listing LA' recap: Why settle when you can win?

Season 7 | Episode 7 | “There Goes the Neighborhood” | Aired Oct 1, 2014

Josh Altman and Heather Bilyeu

The real estate game in West Hollywood (that’s WeHo to locals) is crazy right now. Do you know how I know that? Josh and fiancée Heather have the world’s most expositional conversation about it in their kitchen. It’s odd to see them having a perfectly normal conversation and not fighting over the upcoming wedding. This show’s editors are very sharp in that they tell the story by just showing us what’s necessary. Which is why it is also weird that they include Josh’s declaration that he is going to take a shower. I’m also sort of enjoying Josh and Heather engage in mundane chitchat. I wish they did it more.

2Watch Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles Season 7   Heather Plays Hardball...

Josh’s listing of the week is a place in WeHo (have you heard it’s crazy right now?) owned by Elan, a developer. The thing they have going for them is that this place has a bit more of a Mediterranean feel, unlike the other plain “moderns” in the neighborhood. To me, they all still look like mental hospitals. However, this place has a saltwater pool. I apologize that I do not deal with fancy-schmancy domiciles, but what exactly is the purpose of a saltwater pool? So you can swim with dolphins? Just to make it special and more expensive? I’m baffled.

Not as baffled as when the inevitable happens—Heather brings some of her buyers over to see the place. She cuts down Josh at every chance, even when Josh compliments her client’s suit and watch. Hey, give Josh a break—some of his favorite hobbies are buying suits and watches. Josh also makes a good point in that both he and Heather make 2.2 percent commission on the sale or the purchase, so they win no matter what. But we know and love Josh Altman: It’s all about the pride of winning. Which Heather does, because she gets David Parnes involved by throwing an offer his way. Josh concedes and lowers his price. A metaphor for marriage, am I right, ladies?

Watch Million Dollar Listing Los Angel7es Season 7   The Heather Channel  Part 3

The Brits

David and James ride around the WeHo neighborhood, marveling at all the new construction happening. (West Hollywood real estate is BLOWING UP!) Another inevitable confrontation happens. They both show up to a showing in the same outfit: pink shirt and navy slacks. “Twinning,” as it is called, is a cardinal sin in real estate. David puts on a blazer. Crisis averted.

Watch Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles Season 7   David and James are Twinning

Or is it? Their new WeHo listing is owned by the same guy they repped last time, a mystery hotshot buyer repped by his assistant, David, the kid from last week’s deal. And I say “kid” because this guy looks to be 14 years old. His client wants to sell the house as soon as possible, and wonders aloud if James and David are the right ones to get the listing. He might as well have said, “I double-dog-dare you to sell this house,” because the Brits throw down an unnecessary gauntlet: They will sell the house within two weeks or lose the listing. David begins his two-week-long panic attack. They still haven’t sold it with four days left, so they unleash their secret weapon—starting their open house later in the day than Josh Altman’s.

To the surprise of no one, they end up making the sale at the last minute, because this buyer’s assistant has a spine like a single strand of spaghetti. Seriously, does this buyer’s assistant ever learn? He simply has to call his boss and say, “Oh, they went lower” and it’s done.

“You seem to only care about your commission,” says the assistant. Yes? And? David and James aren’t selling million-dollar homes because they care about the plight of starving children in Africa.

Josh Flagg

Josh is feeling emotional because his parents are gutting and remodeling his childhood home. Cue pictures of Josh as a child and, yes, of course, he was adorable then too. He pines for the separate breakfast room, his bedroom, and his closet. “That was my closet,” he says wistfully … wait, this would be a perfect time for a pun … wait … “This is the closet I came out of!” Nailed it. Josh’s boyfriend, Colton, is designing the remodel, of course. Why can’t we have more of Colton? In the short screen time he has been given, he appears quite charming and photogenic. I would not be opposed to Colton and Josh getting their own spinoff show.

Watch Milli7on Dollar Listing Los Angeles Season 7   The Most Eccentric Listing Yet

Josh is apparently not interested in getting into these selling wars in WeHo because he loves a challenge. This brings him to Hilary’s place in the Palisades, which we are supposed to believe is cluttered and bizarre. I actually welcome a house that has some personality. Hilary certainly loves her tchotchkes and unique finishes, including hand-carved kitchen cabinets in the style of Celtic religious imagery. Josh balks at the clutter and urges her to get rid of some items for a showing. Personally (and remember, I’m no real estate agent), I’d rather see a home that has looked lived in to buy. Even if I don’t like the style, it still gives the house life.

It’s ironic that Josh thinks the place is cluttered, because his outfit is pretty insane. I don’t talk too much about the wardrobes on this show because I don’t really know how to elaborate on men’s fashion choices. The rest of the men usually look sharp, Heather always looks flawless, but Josh Flagg is the Claudia Kishi of the group. Here is wearing white slacks, red tartan plaid suspenders, and a pink-striped shirt. Not surprisingly, it works on him. Goddammit, Josh Flagg and his effortless magnetism.

He calls Hilary with a full-price offer, and she doesn’t answer. He calls her six more times with no success. Finally, she has him meet her at a local bar—not a good sign. Hilary isn’t ready to let go and doesn’t want someone else living in her place. Josh is surprisingly nice about it. He didn’t gain a commission this week, but his heart grew three sizes.

Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles airs Wednesdays at 9/8C on Bravo.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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