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'South Park' recap: Buttery fat for everyone!

Season 18 | Episode 2 | “Gluten Free Ebola” | Aired Oct 1, 2014

Living up to the promise that Cartman made at the end of “Go Fund Yourself,” the boys are back in school after their failed startups. And they are totally regretting telling their classmates that they don’t need school or the other kids anymore, with language not suitable for children their age.

“Dude, people are pissed off at us,” Cartman says as he, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny eat lunch alone.

“Doesn’t anyone understand the significance of ‘I’m sorry’ anymore?” Kyle says … and Cartman actually agrees with him with no anti-Semitic backhand. This is a South Park first, folks!200_s (7)

The boys decide to hold a party where Lorde will sing and with all the pizza you can eat to win back their friends. They go on WSPIIC 88.3 to promote it, because they’re holding the party to benefit Scott Malkinson and his diabetes. When they take calls, they get numerous callers checking to make sure they will have gluten-free options.

“What the hell is gluten?” Cartman asks.

At the Park County Community Center, John Garner, a nutrition advisor from the USDA, holds a meeting about gluten. He explains what gluten is … well, not really. He explains that it is a very complicated process full of “hooey” and “poppycock.” So when Mr. Mackey challenges him to try his pure, unconcentrated gluten, the dangers of it are shown as his body goes haywire and a certain, ahem, appendage flies off.

The crowd rushes the street, warning everyone in Papa John’s that they must get out. Sharon and Randy ransack their kitchen to get rid of anything with a trace of gluten. Then they burn down the farmer’s wheat field.

1802_gluten-free-ebola_marsh-familyMeanwhile, the USDA is working hard to figure out if gluten is the real culprit in all this mayhem. They give gluten to a male rat and behold: His, ahem, appendage also flies off.

“The feds are here!” a USDA scientist exclaims as representatives from the FDA, dressed in all black, infiltrate the USDA labs but accomplish nothing.

Then two men in hazmat suits ring Randy’s doorbell: “Hello, sir. We’ve had word of a possible gluten exposure in your home. Can we come in?” They find a beer can in Randy’s garbage. Dum dum dum! Randy is quarantined at Papa John’s.

While in Papa John’s, one of the guys Randy is quarantined with decides to go crazy on some pizza dough and begins shoveling it down his gullet. At first he’s fine, and insists that this gluten epidemic is a setup … until, surprise! His, ahem, appendage also flies off.1310_wtf_1

After a visit from Aunt Jemima in his dreams, Cartman calls the USDA and says, “The answer is in the pyramid.” So the USDA brings up the old abandoned food pyramid, and realize that they must flip it over so that instead of fats and oils being on top, it is now at the bottom as the largest group, making wheat the smallest. Humanity is saved!

And the boys actually get to throw their party for Scott. Scott has the pleasure of being a waiter, while everyone else snacks on sticks of butter and watches Lorde sing … well, it’s not really Lorde. It’s Randy in a wig and black goth dress pretending to be Lorde. But now we know all is back to normal in this little Colorado town. Buttery fat for everyone! 200_s (6)

The Tally

Biggest LMAO moment: The USDA looks at the “MyPlate” chart with the five main food groups, and realizes that one of the five recommended, wheat, is “basically poison.”

Best Randy quote: When reading an ice cream carton’s label to see if it contains gluten, he says, “Heavy cream, sugar, chocolate syrup. No, ice cream’s good for you!”

Garrison says (to the wheat field): “Burn, you bastard!”

Sure to go viral: Cartman’s trippy dream of Aunt Jemima

Funniest running gag: Gluten is poison!

Cartman says: 

  • “There’s no snacks left!”
  • “You know what I’m gonna miss most? Pancakes. I keep having dreams of Aunt Jemima.”

1701_ButtersWhere’s Butters? Butters has been expelled for “setting the gym on fire, running away laughing, and flipping everyone off.” Aww, poor little guy. But don’t worry; he’ll be back soon. Mr. Mackey blames his erratic behavior on gluten.

 South Park, rated TV-MA, airs Wednesdays at 10/9C on Comedy Central.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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