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'Total Divas' recap: Why you gotta be so mean?

Season 3 | Episode 4 | “Divas Unchained” | Aired Sept 28, 2014

How do you top the slap heard ’round the world from last episode? Why, you showcase three couples in varying states of strife and add in some pole dancing! The physical assaults of last week give way to some verbal lashings courtesy of three of the show’s high-profile romances: Nattie and Jon, Brie and Bryan, and Trinity and Jon. And by episode’s end, it looks like one couple may not make it!

Trinity and her husband, Jon, enjoy a night of bowling, complete with obligatory trash talking and Fred Flinstone dancing. But things turn serious when cramping causes Trinity to double over in pain. In her well-lit confessional, Trinity reveals that she had a birth control implant put in her arm. It can cause side effects in a small number of recipients, and guess who is lucky enough to be in that 1 percent? She had the implant removed, but has since been bleeding profusely. Listen, I’m no doctor, but that seems like a problem. Jon appears to agree and tells Trinity that she needs to see a doctor, because these issues are seriously impacting their sex life.

Nikki and Brie squabble over lunch when Nikki happily drops a ton of dough on wine even though her sister has serious money issues. The arguing continues in the car as the two snap at one another, with Brie finally telling her sister to shut up, only with more colorful language.

We then get a bird’s-eye view of Nattie’s match with Charlotte Flair. It’s great to see the athleticism of the Divas really showcased. Behind the scenes, however, Rosa tells Summer Rae how TJ forgot Nattie’s birthday. It’s a weird moment, considering that it was just last week when Rosa was telling Nattie that she doesn’t trust Rosa.

Brie and Bryan go to pick out a washing machine. Brie is peeved since she already found the one she likes and can’t fathom why Bryan would want to have any input on the decision. She’s also miffed at her husband’s suggestion they buy used, since the thought of other people’s underwear commingling with her own skeeves her out. Bryan then points out that Brie has used public washing machines in the past with no issue. Wrong move, bro! Brie fires back that she is sick of never having time to do anything for herself, and that Bryan would be well served to focus less on his rehabilitation and more on keeping his wife happy. The honeymoon, it would seem, is officially over.

TJ surprises Nattie with a birthday gift that looks like it is a torture device straight out of Star Trek. Seriously, it causes you to jiggle and urinate. Naturally, it is far from the romantic present Nattie envisioned, but when she lays into her husband for his thoughtless gift, TJ counters that her face is sour. He then mockingly waves goodbye to Nattie, as she leaves the party fuming. Let’s just say there will be no husband-of-the-year trophies in TJ’s future anytime soon. A visibly upset (at least by reality-television standards) Nattie seeks comfort from Rosa, who quickly points out how hot Nattie looks.

A trip to the gynecologist reveals that Trinity’s problems may be more severe than she expected after a polyp is found in her uterine lining. While the doctor recommends surgery, Trinity is reluctant to take the time off from work. She decides to take Rosa and Summer Rae’s advice and sign up for a pole-dancing class in the hopes of spicing things up with Jon. But when Jon learns of her decision, he goes ballistic, because not only is Trinity putting her health at risk, but this could impact her ability to have children down the line. He finally simmers down, and the two talk through their fears about the future. Ultimately, Trinity decides to make a doctor’s appointment and the couple reconciles.

Back home, Brie is surprised to see her sister chilling on the couch with Bryan. But her happiness soon gives way to agitation when she realizes that Nikki and Bryan have set her up for an attitude intervention. Their attempt to talk to Brie about her snappiness goes about as well as you’d expect: Brie ends the discussion by telling Nikki, “You’re my sister, not my friend.”

Brie reveals the depths of her worries about money and her career, and she apologizes to Bryan and Nikki for her behavior. But a call from the WWE inviting her back puts her mind at ease and a kinder, gentler Brie emerges. Meanwhile, the Divas take advantage of a night off and hit the clubs. After som heavy flirting, Rosa leans in for a lip-lock, and cringeworthy awkwardness ensues as her advances aren’t exactly appreciated.

TJ and Nattie meet to hammer out their differences. But the apologetic lunch she envisioned soon gives way to barbs, and Nattie finally tells TJ that she’s not sure she wants to remain in the relationship. Could this be the end?

Comments, Gripes, and Observations

  • Did you know Tampa is the strip capital of the world? Me neither! You learn something new every day!
  • Trinity is quickly becoming my favorite Diva. Not only does she bust out a victory dance, but she advocated for her body autonomy in a completely B.S.-free way.
  • TJ came across in this episode as wildly immature. Anyone want to defend his actions?
  • Somebody please make a GIF of Jon acting out The Shining blood scene!

Total Divas airs Sundays at 9/8C on E!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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