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'General Hospital' recap: Revelations and roadkill

Season 51 | Episodes 121–125 | Aired Sept 22–26, 2014

For all of the times she has been abducted, you would think that Robin Scorpio Drake would have some sort of code-word system implemented to warn the people she loves that she is in danger. No sooner do she and a still-silent Jason arrive back in Port Charles than they are apprehended by Helena and her goons. Jason still has his wits about him, so he is able to make a break for it, but Robin finds herself shipped off to Paris to further Helena’s mystery agenda.

Patrick finally fills in his police commissioner/superspy mother-in-law on the Crichton-Clark shenanigans, mostly out of concern that Robin was blown up with the facility. Patrick and Anna call Robin via Skype, and Robin tells them she’s headed to Paris to figure out her life. Robin is lying, as Helena threatened Emma’s and Patrick’s lives if Robin doesn’t comply with her plans. Patrick and Anna begrudgingly take Robin at her word.

Having a worse week (or day and half, in Port Charles time) than Robin is Ava Jerome. Ava is all set to take the labor-inducing medication that Sabrina dropped off when she finds herself distracted by the gun battle occurring outside the penthouse door. Max and Shawn take down her security team, and surprisingly draw the attention of no downstairs neighbors with the hail of gunfire. Ava fakes baby pains to try to delay her abduction; only Jordan’s arrival keeps Ava from being back under Sonny’s thumb. Knowing Shawn won’t shoot her or Ava, Jordan holds him at bay while Ava makes her getaway.

Ava, in Jordan’s car, drives off, frantically trying to reach Julian. But when Jason stumbles into the road, Ava literally (with sound effects!) runs him over. Distraught, Ava phones Jordan for assistance. Jordan sends Ava off and calls the police, taking responsibility for a second Jerome incident, the first being when Julian offed Mickey Diamond. Ava, with limited options, shows up on Morgan’s doorstep, asking for refuge from his father. Morgan states that Sonny is never violent to women and—insert riotous laughter here, considering Sonny shot Carly in the HEAD while she was in labor with Morgan! Sure, it was an accident, but shouldn’t that count as violence against women? Morgan tells Ava he will use his recently repaired relationship with his father to keep her safe.

Having the worst week of all, of course, is Jason Morgan. Yes, he’s free from the Cassadine clutches, but being mowed down by Ava isn’t doing him any favors. He’s transported to General Hospital with a whole host of injuries, including internal bleeding, facial edema, mandibular fracture, and torso wounds. His wounds are tended to by his favorite nurse, Elizabeth, who doesn’t recognize him due to his injured state. He’s referred to as John Doe, but unless Victor Cassadine burned his fingertips, surely his prints are on file with the PCPD?

Ned and Alexis go on the first date, this time around, at the Metro Court, where they are interrupted by Julian and then Olivia. Julian interrupts to query Alexis about Ava’s whereabouts, hoping she will inform him if Sonny shares any information. He scoffs at her date, wondering if Ned can make her quiver like he does. Alexis’ face reveals that while Ned is the practical choice, her desire still clearly lies with Julian. Olivia, meanwhile, plops herself down at Ned’s table, guzzles down Alexis’ wine, and invites Ned to the movies. Awkwardness sets in when Alexis returns to reclaim her seat, but safe bets are on a Ned-Olivia future over the Ned-Alexis setup.

Elsewhere in Port Charles, Maxie, Nathan, Dante, and Lulu are reunited with their loved ones. Maxie and Nathan discuss their burgeoning feelings, while Dante and Lulu opt for some carnal time. Speaking of which, isn’t it time to move to a larger place so Rocco’s crib isn’t next to his parents’ bed? Tracy pays Lulu a visit, asking if she has heard from Luke lately. Tracy reluctantly admits she hasn’t seen her husband in months and isn’t sure of his current whereabouts. Dante somewhat reluctantly informs them of Anna’s investigation into the possibility of Luke being the head of the crime family, while Alexis simultaneously recalls to Sam that Tracy was looking for Luke at the engagement party at the same time that she couldn’t locate Julian. Tracy acknowledges that she did see Luke (Fluke) and Julian together at the party, giving merit to Spencer’s claims.

If the Fluke suspicions arising all over town weren’t enough, Julian also has to deal with a new goon named Kobe showing up in town at Fluke’s behest. Kobe makes it clear that since Ava failed to kill Michael, Fluke wants Julian to pick up the slack. Julian has no interest in following orders, so Kobe insinuates that he will handle the job himself. So who could it be that is knocking on Michael’s door shortly thereafter?

Finally, at his birthday party, Franco gets confirmation from Kiki that Sonny and Carly did indeed have sex. After Carly toasts Franco, he responds in the most logical manner: by proposing. Franco wants to be as good to Carly as she is to him. Carly is flummoxed, but accepts the proposal, vowing to be an open book with no secrets. Sonny doesn’t take news of the proposal well, but shockingly refrains from throwing the barware that is in his hand!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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