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'Million Dollar Listing LA' recap: When in doubt, beg

Season 7 | Episode 5 | “Hard Cold Cash” | Aired Sept 24, 2014

James and David have yet another listing they need to sell for the equivalent of the GNP of a small country. This time, they are not having temper tantrums because they have connections. Connections in the entertainment industry! Who would have thought? The big celeb they snag? Tyga! He’s a rapper that I’ve never heard of because I’m an old woman who sits on her couch watching shows like this one. David and James go to Tyga’s studio to chat with him, and I ran out of the room and hid under the bed because it was too awkward to experience.

8Watch Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles Season 7   Finding Tyga s Dream Home

Subtext: If we sell this house to a rapper, we will get major cred with the rap community. I don’t care about the rap; I just want to convince more rich people to buy homes that look like mental institutions.

Tyga doesn’t buy the house.


Josh Flagg gets a modest listing (only $2 million) for a Beverly Hills property that is in such bad shape that there are either blood stains, urine stains, or both all over the carpet. It’s on what used to be a racetrack, which makes it … interesting? The house was built in 1929, so Josh decides to capitalize on it by arriving in an old-timey car and dressing like Jay Gatsby and Elton John’s love child.

2Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles Photos   Josh Flagg Meets the Roaring Twenties

Subtext: “This house is in garbage shape, but to distract you from the crappy interior, look at ME! Look how great I look in period costume! Look at ME! ME! ME!”

Josh Altman is getting not one but two plotlines in this episode. He goes cake-tasting with fiancée Heather, once again showing us ad nauseam that he does not care at all about the wedding. He stamps all over Heather’s feeling with his $1,200 Ferragamo loafers. Josh just wants a big, huge cake. Worse, he brings brother/emotional crutch Matt with him.

9Watch Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles Season 7   Is Josh Marrying Heather or His Brother

Subtext: Although I am very proud of myself for snagging this hot babe as a fiancée, now that I have her, I am emotionally terrified about getting married, so I am going to cling to my brother like we are identical twins in our mother’s womb.

Josh shows a house with a “grotto” to some brokers. You know what other house has a grotto? The Playboy Mansion, Josh reminds us. The place is just gaudy enough to be the next Real World house, if the next Real World took place inside the mind of a rave DJ. Oh, look who is here? James and David. They manage to double-team-bully Josh with their witty British insults, making fun of him because the house does not have a pool. To be fair, it’s two of them against one. Josh pulls James aside in the red crushed-velvet home theater screening room, telling him that he’s better off without David.

Subtext: Stop being so mean to me! I have a fragile ego! Also, will you stop being partners with David so you can be my best friend?

James calls him a coward because he wanted to talk about David behind his back. To be fair, I’d pick James as a BFF because he has better hair. And David is too in love with his dogs, as we are shown in a filler segment.

The roller coaster of emotions has not yet let Josh Altman off the ride. He meets the listing’s seller and the buyer’s agent, which he tells us is almost unheard of. It should be just Josh and his client, with Josh communicating with the other agent via phone.

Subtext: I’m on a reality show, for Pete’s sake, and there’s only so many times this show can try to make brokering real estate over the phone interesting.

4Watch Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles Season 7   Negotiating in Furs

Josh’s seller throws his shrimp cocktail on him, so Josh gets the buyer’s agent away from the table and into the high-end vodka freezer. He joins him in a fierce leopard-print fur, and convinces him to get his buyer up to the asking price, using the power of … just asking? The buildup to the negotiations is always a letdown because offers are reached by simply just asking someone the same thing twice.

Subtext: I really enjoy this show, but how much material can they get out of the “this deal is a risk but I pulled it off at the last minute” move?

Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles airs Wednesdays at 9/8C on Bravo.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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