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'Witches of East End' recap: Daddy dearest

Season 2 | Episode 10 | “The Fall of the House of Beauchamp” | Aired Sept 21, 2014

After last week’s sister deaths, brother betrayal, and innocent boyfriend ritual, you can imagine the grief that permeates the Beauchamp household. If you’re not up for imagining that grief, there’s another haunting shot of Ingrid and Freya swaying in the wind from their nooses. That should put anyone in a melancholy mood.

Wendy and Joanna dress the girls in white gowns, light a million candles, and wave some incense over the bodies. Wendy urges Joanna to take a sedative, but Joanna is determined to feel the pain. She needs to mourn her daughters, because they will never be these versions of themselves again.

Killian has found temporary sanctuary at the Bent Elbow. Instead of shoving a fire poker into his brother’s black heart, he chooses tequila to forget his frustration. A brooding Freddie picks a fight, arguing that the only reason “Freya is the way she is” is because Killian led him down that path 400 years ago. Freddie throws a weak punch, and Killian answers back with a blow that knocks Freddie on his back.

Killian heads to the Beauchamp house so he can get to the bottom of what Freddie was talking about. He barges through the door as Wendy tries to focus his attention long enough to tell him what has happened. Then he passes the room where the girls are motionless on the table, and he falls to pieces hugging and caressing Freya’s lifeless body. It was passionate and gut-wrenching. As his heart was breaking on screen, I couldn’t help but think how Daniel Di’Tomasso is one legit mourner.

Witches of East End

As Wendy watches Killian come to terms with the fact that the love of his life is gone, Joanna is upstairs preparing to rest. Rest in peace. She submerges into a tub after cutting herself from wrist to elbow. Luckily, Wendy discovers her sister in time to heal her wounds. Joanna is furious that her sister didn’t let her die.

Killian is back home listening to Freya’s voicemail over and over again. He momentarily channels his brother and begins smashing everything in sight, including a weird statue. Oddly enough, the statue keeps turning up all around his house, refusing to stay shattered. Dash arrives asking for Killian’s help. The water jar with the stick man broke and has created a mystical mess. Killian is irritated that Dash doesn’t even care about Ingrid enough to chill for just one day. Killian notices his brother’s confusion and bluntly tells him that Ingrid is dead. Dash leaves and Killian picks up the indestructible statue, turns it over and sees a note from Eva: “May you find the path back to your true love.”

Life has handed Dash a big bag of lemons, so he heads to the bar to add some vodka. A very aggressive woman (newcomer Sarah Lancaster) convinces Dash that the best way to grieve is to have a night to remember instead of one you want to forget. They go to the one place that has seen more action than any other: the break room. Shirts are ripped, butts are smacked, and things are tweaked. I don’t trust this stranger at all.

Wendy finds Freddie drowning his sorrows at the bar. She tells him he needs to complete the ritual because the King is the only one who can save Freya and Ingrid. To the creepy psychiatric ward we go!

Tarkoff is waiting for them. After some curt words with Wendy, he agrees to let her say goodbye to Vessel Tommy. I appreciated the fact that Wendy stayed true to herself. She may be in black mourning clothes, but you can’t keep this girl from wearing a funky turquoise bra under that black tank.

Witches of East EndFreddie lays on the ground next to Vessel Tommy as Tarkoff chants while circling the rim of a Tibetan singing bowl. Freddie’s mark sparks into flames, floats up in the air, and lands in Vessel Tommy. He sits up and greets Wendy with a charming, “Hello, my darling daughter.” Then Tommy’s face and body morph into the King. Tarkoff immediately takes a knee and the King slams him into one of the cells for killing his granddaughters. Welcome home, Grandpapa!

In other news, Killian follows the address on the bottom of the unbreakable statue, which leads him to an eclectic shop. A man performing a serious salsa dancing routine (or a ritual) calls him by name and busts him for eavesdropping. Killian shows him a picture of the message on the unbreakable statue, and the man asks what happened to Eva? Killian explains that she’s dead and is a little put out when the man asks him to place his hand over one of two terror cards. When Killian chooses, the man stabs his hand, pinning him to the table. Then Eva walks out.

NO! I THOUGHT EVA WAS GONE!

Technically, Eva is gone. This is her great-granddaughter doppelgänger. And the salsa man knows exactly why Killian was sent to them. So help me if this salsa dude screws up the whole star-crossed lovers bit.

Joanna is furious when Wendy comes waltzing in the front door with her wicked father and traitor son. Wendy reminds Joanna that their father is the one person who can bring the girls back. Joanna reminds Wendy that the King never does anything without strings attached.

Granddaddy Beauchamp places his hands over the girls and they begin to glow. In a matter of seconds, the girls are gasping for air as their mother and aunt smother them with kisses and tears. The King gives a soft cough, and the girls whirl around to meet their grandfather for the first time. He gives a lovely speech about family, burying the hatchet, and marking this day as a new beginning. Freddie agrees with his grandfather and tries to convince Joanna to hop on board the forgiveness train. Remember who brought the girls back to life? All aboard!

Over at the mansion, Dash wakes up with a terrible hangover. Instead of feeling remorse, he dials the booty call (we learn her name is Raven) and they arrange a tryst for later. Raven ends the call, flashes a badge, crosses the police line, and assesses the dead body Dash and Ingrid ditched a month ago. Is it too early to call that magical lawyer guy from season 1?

Meanwhile, Joanna grabs a key from her jewelry box and announces they are going to use the time door to go get something she used to own in the past. Everyone is confused, but there’s no time to explain. A simple chant unlocks the door. She instructs the girls to hold hands so they can warp. Wendy and Freya pass through. Joanna holds Ingrid’s hand, but she pulls away at the last second. Ingrid is staying with her grandfather and Freddie.

Joanna follows Wendy and Freya and arrives in the early 1900s, shocked that her daughter chose to stay. But she can’t worry about that now. Rag & Bone jeans and a turquoise bra are sure to stand out in this turn-of-the-century environment. They must blend in so they can get what they need to take Daddy dearest down.

Witches of East End airs Sundays at 9/8C on Lifetime.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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