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‘Total Divas’ recap: Carpool from hell

Season 3 | Episode 3 | “Roadside Rumble” | Aired Sept 21, 2014

From Survivor’s naked manipulator, Richard Hatch, to The Apprentice’s corporate schemer, Omarosa, reality show audiences love their villains. This is especially true of wrestling fans who are trained to see things in good-vs.-evil terms. And for audiences who have been missing the antics of resident bad girl Summer Rae, the wait is over, as the WWE Diva comes sashaying back into town and brings with her some scene-stealing drama.

Brie and Bryan continue to deal with the fallout from his unexpected injury. In a too-trippy-for-words merging of real life and WWE storyline, Stephanie McMahon orders Bryan to either surrender his titles or cost his wife her job. But Brie beats her to the punch by announcing to the sold-out audience that she quits. And yes, she adds in a patented bitch slap for good measure. Backstage, the crew compliments Brie and Bryan on their performances, and the two reveal that Brie actually requested the storyline so as to stay home with Bryan and help with his convalescence.

The two throw down some real truth bombs when Brie and Bryan both admit that they don’t have a backup plan. If one or both were to deal with real-life injuries that derailed their career, they would be sunk financially. So the two decide to work with Brie’s mom and her career guidance firm. Unfortunately, they don’t have resumes and show little aptitude for, well, really anything beyond wrestling. They decide to come up with a business plan for themselves. It involves a sustainable bed-and-breakfast, possibly with or without swingers.

Back in the ring, Summer Rae, clad in a chicken suit, shocks the crowd when she reveals herself to her ex-charge, Fandango. Later, while Rosa and Nattie hit the gym, Summer Rae crashes the girl-bonding and wastes no time pointing out that she was gone because she was off filming a movie. While Nattie and Summer Rae throw copious amounts of shade at one another, Rosa is left confused as to why the two hate each other. So, to help her out (as well as the audience), we get a helpful flashback of when Summer Rae smacked Nattie upside the head last season. And yes, it was as glorious as it sounds.

Eva Marie and Jonathan roll into her family’s home to celebrate the Fourth of July. They make a pact to not talk about the wedding, but Jonathan refuses to say he is considering converting because that would be an outright lie. The party starts off with everyone in good spirits, but things quickly go downhill when Eva Marie’s dad asks whether it will be a Catholic ceremony. When she admits that is her preference, Jonathan tells her, and the family, that he feels like she just threw him under the bus. But—proving again to be the show’s breakout star—Eva Marie’s dad says that he will support Eva Marie no matter what, and that he only wants her to be happy.

Brie decides to take the bull by the horns and asks Nikki (and by extension, John Cena) to loan her money so that she and Bryan can start a bed-and-breakfast. Nikki, who, it should be noted, has had a few, thinks it’s a great idea and essentially commits John without his knowledge. But when she lets John in on the plan, he is less than pleased. Also not loving this plan is Bryan, who had no idea of Brie’s plan.

Wanting to have a kumbaya moment, Rosa offers to let Summer Rae carpool with her and Nattie to a show. Naturally, things don’t go as planned. The two spend ample time sniping at one another, but when Summer Rae makes a comment about Nattie’s husband, she pulls the car over and all hell breaks loose.

But never let it be said that Total Divas doesn’t teach valuable life lessons. For example, we learn that having a weave makes you more aerodynamic, as evidenced by Nattie throwing Summer Rae out of the car hair first. Summer Rae responds with a face slap. The two finally simmer down thanks to an apoplectic Rosa, who reminds the two that she is fresh out of rehab and can’t take all this drama! Later, Rosa apologizes to Nattie for inviting Summer Rae, and the two hug it out.

Nikki and Brie arrive to a public appearance, and things are far from fine between the twins. Brie snipes that Nikki is causing Bryan more stress, while Nikki says Brie shouldn’t come looking for handouts. Ouch! Brie apologizes to Bryan, and the two end their first fight as a married couple with a kiss.

Comments, Gripes, and Observations

  • So happy to have Summer Rae back! I’ll have smackdowns and trash-talking over egg-freezing any day.
  • “Having a routine would kind of kill me.” I feel you, Brie, I feel you.
  • It was hard not to feel for Eva Marie as she struggled with wanting to please her dad, who is dying, and honor the wishes of her new husband.
  • John isn’t my most favorite person on the show, but he was dead right about the problems of loaning money to friends. Do you agree?
  • I’m kind of Team Summer Rae on this one. Do you guys agree with her or Nattie?

Total Divas airs Sundays at 9/8C on E!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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