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'Satisfaction' finale recap: 'Grace will lead me home'

Season 1 | Episode 10 | “… Through Resolution” | Aired Sept 18, 2014

Apparently, folks, last week’s suspected “this was all a dream” ending was just this recapper’s quick-trigger reaction to the main character being woken up during the final seconds looking confused. I blame it on the PTSD I’m still feeling from the Newhart finale in 1990. In other words, yes, all the cheating, lies, hot photographers who were here one minute and gone the next, metaphorical pools, and ridiculous happy apps have been real. Because that makes a lot more sense.

The season finale of Satisfaction picks up right where we left off: with Neil staring at the contents of his life pool slowly draining away. Meanwhile, Grace is spilling the beans about Neil knowing all the things to her therapist (Molly Hagan), whom she has apparently been seeing for three weeks. Huh. That might have been an important detail for us to know, don’tcha think? What apparently is important for us to know about is a pair of shoes she muddied after a tryst with Simon that she’s not bothered to clean since. “That would be like wiping clean this part of me,” she tells her therapist. Oh, good grief. Another metaphor to keep track of.

Still ripe with the need to confess, Grace finds herself at sister Stephanie’s house. Stephanie is instantly suspicious of Neil, and points to the odd fact that he’s known about Grace’s affair for six months yet hasn’t said anything. FINALLY SOMEONE WHO THINKS THAT’S WEIRD. “He’s gone from the house for 12 hours a day. I’d start looking deeper into what he’s doing when he’s gone,” Stephanie advises. Remember, this chick keeps a stash of pot in her kitchen that would make Willie Nelson weep—she’s shrewd.

After searching through Neil’s suit pockets, Grace finds a receipt from a parking garage that leads her to the Zen master’s temple.

Grace, showing the Zen master the receipt: I’m here because I thought he was having an affair … with you.
Zen master: We validate, by the way.

And that, folks, is why we’ve missed the Zen master.

Grace questions the ZM about what Neil talks about when he’s there. He tells her that Neil talks about her and that he’s going through a period of self-discovery to be the willing partner that she deserves. Grace admits she’s going through the same thing. I don’t know about you, but if lying, cheating, and being a selfish person is “self-discovery,” then I spent way too much time and money on scrapbooking in the ’90s. (Although since I do still have many pairs of fun, crafty scissors to show for it, and all Grace has is a muddy pair of Manolos, I think it’s obvious who the winner is.)

Neil arrives at Adriana’s Tuscan-esque villa, ready to light into her about the presumptuous gift of plane tickets she left for him at his office. Doesn’t that girl understand that no means no? Uh, no. Upon arrival, he offers to help a handsome man try to unload a gigantic figurehead from the back of a pickup truck. The man is no ordinary man, however, and introduces himself as Fisher (Henry Czerny), Adriana’s husband. Scrreeeeech. Rewind. (IT’S CONRAD GRAYSON! HE’S ALIIIVVEEE!) Apparently, Fisher has been gone for eight months at sea, sailing around to places he’s never been, just because. “You know, the problem with wealth … it breeds narcissistic delusion,” he explains. When Neil asks if he’s here to stay, Fisher replies, “Never have, never will. This house is my port; it’s not my life.” This actually explains quite a bit everything about Adriana’s view on marriage, doesn’t it?

Neil is freaked out when it becomes apparent that Fisher knows all about him through texts he’s received over the past six months from Adriana. “Thank you, from one absentee husband to another,” he says, as Neil gets ready to make a quick exit. Ouch. When Adriana arrives home and tries to explain (it’s clear the marriage between her and Fisher is one of convenience), Neil doesn’t stick around. I’d like to hear what you have to say, Adriana, especially now that we’ve discovered that you—the only honest and believable one in this crew—also live your life by a supremely loose interpretation of the truth, but I guess we’ll have to wait until next season.

Over at Bastion International, it’s time to sell the “Got Happy?” app. Neil’s asshole boss, Victor (who, thanks to the “Got Happy?” app, has a dog named “Little Shit” that he takes everywhere—I just can’t make this stuff up, folks), has warned him that the buyers want to turn it into a dating site, and Neil is instructed to go in the boardroom and be, well, happy about it. Once inside the meeting, Neil’s morality takes over and he gives one of his impassioned “Do what you believe in” diatribes, the likes of which we haven’t heard since the other boardroom scene and airplane scene in episode 1. Good to have you back, real Neil. I mean, I think that’s the real Neil. I’m not entirely sure we’ve ever known who the real Neil is, though, have we?

Simon, who in my opinion was absent in this episode for entirely too many minutes, is getting his backup plan appraised. Remember last episode when he went to his storage unit and unrolled something? Turns out they were original paintings from the 1930s that are worth seven figures. When the appraiser wonders why he’s selling, Simon tells him, “Because I’ve got my eye on something else right now.” (By something he means someone, but we all knew that, right?) The buyer responds, “It’s fitting. Some things are just too beautiful to go a lifetime in the hand of one owner.” SATISFACTION DOUBLE-SPEAK: FIVE STARS.

Because it might take six months for the appraiser to find a buyer, Simon brings the paintings to art collector Adriana in hopes she’ll buy them. Leaving Simon on the patio, she takes the artwork to Fisher (apparently also an art collector), who recognizes them as being part of a private collection of the Waverly family (the billionaire Waverly family). When he wonders if they might be stolen, Adriana has him sneak a peek at Simon, whom he recognizes as being one of the remaining heirs of the Waverly family. You can almost see Mr. and Mrs. Adriana’s pupils changing to dollar signs as they call Simon back.

Before we can get to that metaphorical pool—which by now is almost completely empty—we have to revisit the metaphorical shoes. Grace takes the muddied Manolos to the shoe-repair man, who takes one look at them and tsk-tsks her.

Grace: Do you think you can make them look like new?
Disappointed shoe-repair man: Nothing is “like new,” but I can get you close.

How about a standing slow clap for the shoe-repair man? Much like the earlier comment from the appraiser, these guys are nailing the Satisfaction double-speak.

When Grace arrives at her and Neil’s scheduled therapy session, he immediately zeros in on her spotless shoes and compliments them. She takes this as a sign that all is cleansed and ‘fesses up about getting the fellowship in Milan (she just found out), but still says nothing about knowing that Neil knows about her affair. Apparently there are still some spots on those shoes only she can see, and she wants to keep it that way. Neil, fresh from his moment of clarity in the boardroom, is overcome with emotion and embraces his cheating wife. What’dya say we ditch this stupid therapy and go to Italy together? OK? OK! VIVA ITALIA!

Hastily packing for Italy amidst makeout sessions, Neil wonders if Anika knows the fam is uprooting to Italy. Valid question. Since Anika is currently driving toward a music festival in a used car she’s just played hardball with a slimy car salesman to buy (earlier in the episode, she also signed with a music label), I’m guessing the answer is no.

As the season draws to a close, amid Ani Difranco’s haunting rendition of “Amazing Grace,” we see Neil and Grace standing in their now totally empty pool (uh-oh; you know what that says about Neil’s life, don’t you?); Simon returning home to a ransacked apartment; Adriana wearing nothing but a sheet (because Adriana should never wear anything but a sheet) and staring pensively at the lily-pad painting; and in a cliffhanger that will keep my fingers crossed until next season, Mallory’s vengeful husband walking into the Truman house carrying a gun, obviously looking for the bastard who slept with his wife. (That’d be Neil. Not the real one, though—I don’t think.)

“Grace will lead me home,” we hear the lyrics say. Which “home” does that mean? Guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Click here to watch the entire season of Satisfaction from the beginning.

Satisfaction on USA

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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