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'America’s Next Top Model' recap: Heights, fights, and spider bites

Cycle 21 | Episode 5 | “The Guy Who Starts a Fight” | Aired Sept 15, 2014

And you thought makeovers were dramatic: This week on America’s Next Top Model, Tyra Banks teaches the models that (surprise!) sex sells, and ANTM one-ups the NFL with a DQ for the model who violates the zero-tolerance policy on physical assault.

First, Tyra meets the models at LA Fashion District to teach them some math. “Beneath 90 percent of photos in fashion is sex,” she says, reminding them—in case they forgot—of her work for Sports Illustrated and Victoria’s Secret.

antm-week5_keithWant to be a top model? Just follow Tyra’s three tips for making love to the camera, without needing to remove your underwear:

  1. Werk [sic] the Smirk. That means intensity in the eyes, and side smile.
  2. Fierce Fantasy Headroll. That one is self-explanatory.
  3. The Peeping Tooch (or Booch, for you fellas). Pretend you don’t know someone’s checking you out, like in a supermarket, and stick out your booty.

Keith charms Tyra with his LL Cool J grin. Adam has a hard time with his head roll. Lenox up and quits.

The next morning, Yu Tsai wakes the models up bright and early to shoot an ad for a mock men’s fragrance called “Spyder Bite.” The girls, dressed up in full dominatrix gear and red contact lenses, will portray black widow spiders (“Use your beauty to lure your men into the web of high fashion fantasy!” coach Yu Tsai instructs), while the guys writhe around in tighty whiteys and eventually pass out.

The crew must be relaying intel about the week’s current couples and crushes, because the pairings are painfully obvious. Kari and Mirjana are assigned the other’s cuddle buddy! Adam and Shei! Will and Matthew!

Lenox, who is super-nervous and still shaken from giving up during Tyra’s teach, is paired up with Romeo and predicts—correctly—that the shoot will be a hot mess. Kari and Denzel are dull, with the latter distracted, wondering why Mirjana and Keith are performing so well—acting? Or real chemistry? Both Tsai and photographer Franco Lacosta (from week 2’s dirty subway challenge) love Romeo because he’s different and unique. Romeo targets Adam as his pick to leave the house next.

[Speaking of black widow spiders, I became incredibly distracted during the next commercial break, wondering why the producers couldn’t score the rights to play some Iggy Azalea up in here. Because damn, that would have been perfect for the next segment. “And I’m gonna show ya/What’s really crazy/You should’ve known better/Than to mess with me, honey.”]

antm-week5_the-fightBack at the house, the models dig into the endless supply of booze to halfheartedly help Romeo celebrate his birthday. Romeo admits he has a hard time coming out of his shell, and to help with that, keeps drinking, then drinks some more before completely losing his sh*t on Adam.

“Don’t touch me!” he slurs, hoping he’ll provoke Adam into hitting him, and therefore getting kicked off the show: “You’re not a model; you’re a trainer.” Romeo sneaks in a major head butt before Will can drag him away.

Bad move, Sabrina. ANTM has a zero-tolerance policy on physical assault, and the next morning, Yu Tsai and Miss J solemnly announce they are kicking Romeo out of the house and out of the competition.

Tonight’s runway challenge involves strutting gracefully on stilts. Mirjana falls and cries during practice, but turns it on like a champ and scores high on the challenge. Ben, who learned how to walk on stilts as a child in Iowa, (of course) wins the challenge.

Adam earns the lowest challenge score, but Tyra opens the panel by commending him for taking the high road in the Romeo drama.

antm-week5_will

We get to see each of the finished ads, then the judges rate each model individually. Kelly calls Will and Mathew “a great wicked duo.” Tyra raves about Will (“gave me chills … damn near perfection”), who walks away this week’s challenge winner.

Tyra shocks her fellow panelists by handing out a “1” to Lenox. She’s pissed that Lenox gave up at the teach, and worse, didn’t seem to try any harder the following day at the shoot. Lenox ends up in the bottom two with Adam, whom Kelly describes as an Adonis modeling in diapers. Tyra is a little kinder, saying he did a solid job, but needs to loosen up and be sexier in person.

antm-week5_lenox

Because of Romeo’s disqualification, Tyra pulls a panel trick by letting Lenox stay. BUT she’ll only have five frames (gasp!) at the next shoot to prove herself.

Next week: Down to the top 10, Lenox freaks out, more sexy time at the house, and a special guest appearance by the soon-to-be-former Mr. Mariah Carey, Nick Cannon!

America’s Next Top Model, rated TV-14, airs Mondays at 9/8C on The CW.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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