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‘Total Divas’ recap: Girl, bye

Season 3 | Episode 2 | “Mo’ Marriage, Mo’ Problems” | Aired Sept 14, 2014

It’s another week of high-flying drama as we pick up at last week’s cliffhanger of John confronting Nikki with the drugs he found in her office. Shockingly, he’s more relieved than angry when he discovers that Nikki isn’t hoarding illegal drugs, but is instead planning to freeze her eggs. Of course, why John assumed they were illegal drugs right off the bat is a question that is conveniently dropped.

Life is chugging along a lot more smoothly for the other half of the Bella Twins, as it’s the big day where Brie and Bryan get to move into their dream home. The happy vibes come to a screeching halt as the two bicker over home-improvement plans. Bryan wants to go green, complete with solar panels, while Brie is hell-bent on remodeling the bathroom. Brie makes a pretty compelling point that she has been working for years so she can have her dream house, but Nikki cautions that Brie needs to learn how to compromise with Bryan. We are also treated with what now seems to be an obligatory reality-show mantra when Brie reminds Bryan, “Happy life, happy wife.” Anyone want to ask Joe Giudice how that worked out for him?

Last week’s unsung hero, Mark Carrano, makes another appearance this week, dropping a major bomb on the Funkadactyls. The creative team has decided that Trinity (WWE’s Naomi) will embark on a singles career, with Ariane (WWE’s Cameron) serving as her valet. The news comes as a blow to both women, who have been tag team partners for over two years.

Nikki and John have a heart-to-heart about her fertility plans, with John uncharacteristically emotional. Nikki offers to bail on her egg-freezing scheme if it will put John’s mind at ease. But when Brie hears the news, she lets her twin have it with both barrels, accurately pointing out that this is yet one more thing Nikki is giving up for John. Nikki’s resolve is further tested when she spends some time with her niece and realizes that having children is definitely something she wants in her future. She tells John she is going ahead with the procedure and, in a moment no one saw coming, John actually decides to be supportive.

Bryan and Brie’s house squabbles take a backseat when Bryan learns he has to have neck surgery and that his recuperation could cost him his titles. He tells Brie that he will be off the tour for the foreseeable future. Another blow is dealt when Brie discovers that she will be doing press in New York while Bryan goes under the knife in Pittsburgh.

Poor Trinity is still struggling with the idea of going solo and gets a pep talk from Jon. He reminds her that she is being given an opportunity and has to grab at it with both hands. Ariane isn’t faring any better. Though she accompanies Trinity to the ring for Trinity’s first solo match, she realizes that standing on the outside of the ring isn’t her dream. So she makes the very baller choice of asking Mark to send her back down to NXT. He scoffs at first, but Ariane reminds him that she only had three months of development, while the average is over two years. And she’s willing to start over and possibly risk career suicide if it means that she could possible one day be the Divas Champion.

Bryan is out of surgery and is encouraged to be recovering his strength. But his hopes of getting right back into the ring are squashed when the WWE doctor tells Bryan and Brie that Bryan is going to be out far longer than anyone initially thought. And because not working means not getting paid, the two new homeowners are suddenly faced with the possibility of some very real money issues.

Trinity gets wind of Ariane’s plan to return to development when her duo partner casually drops the news backstage. Let’s just say that it doesn’t go well. Ariane believes that Trinity is being selfish, while Trinity can’t believe Ariane made such a huge decision without consulting her first. Is this really the end of the Funkadactyls?

Comments, Gripes, and Observations

  • Whose side are you on: Ariane’s or Trinity’s?
  • Did anyone else find Bryan’s (temporary) farewell to the audience as emotional as I did?
  • So excited that we got a cameo from Sandra, costume designer extraordinaire!
  • Here’s hoping the great egg-freezing storyline of 2014 has finally come to a close.
  • Did anyone else find it weird that the show went from crediting Trinity and Ariane as their character names to now using their real names?

Total Divas airs Sundays at 9/8C on E!

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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