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Get ready for season 4 of 'New Girl'

Break out the douchebag jar, because New Girl returns to FOX on September 16. I have religiously watched every season multiple times (I give you permission to bless my heart) and feel that I am a connoisseur of all loftmates and friends in 4D. Here’s a quick review on where we left Jess & Company before they did bad things in the tub on their couples’ cruise.

When Daisy cheats on Winston, he gets revenge by stealing her cat, Ferguson. They form a rather unhealthy bond. Things get really weird when Winston arranges a night of feline companionship for his new best friend. Fortunately, a crusty bus driver by the name of Bertie diverts his attention. She may have a fondness for hamsters, sexual innuendos, and the kind of bologna that you have to peel the wrapper off the edge to get to the meat, but she’s willing and available. Get your freak on, Winston.

New Girl 1

Coach is officially back! His first order of business is to go man-to-man with Cece. After a night of passionate up-against-a-wall kissing, the relationship stalls. Coach channels all of his frustration into his new job as the Coolidge Middle School volleyball coach. He may be afraid of the big blue ocean and a little too fond of his whistle, but we don’t care. It’s good to have you back, Coach.

New Girl 2

Cece and Schmidt have officially broken up, which completely disrupts the camaraderie of this circle of friends. Rest assured, it’s nothing a quick game of True American can’t fix. Before we know it, Cece is hooking up with Coach, working with Nick at the bar, studying for her GED, and catching the eye of a dreamy Aussie named Buster. Will the young mate distract Cece from Schmidt’s subtle advances to win her back? Let the record show that I wouldn’t mind seeing this face again.

New Girl

Cece and Elizabeth both end it with Schmidt, and he does the only thing a man in his shoes can do: He tries to sabotage Jess and Nick’s happy-go-quirky relationship. The subversive behavior proved effective for a short stint, but Schmidt’s propensity to eat large wedges of cheese and mayonnaise right out of the jar is cause for concern. There’s only one person who can pull Schmidt from the depths of this depression. And that’s Michael Keaton. To the Batmanmobile!

New Girl 3

Nick and Jess begin the season all-in. They navigate teacher cliques, a box of unpaid bills, a good old-fashioned Thanksgiving camping trip, and a sexual position called The Captain. Nick even creates a darling movie celebrating Jess’ birthday. But an argument between living on a farm in Oregon or a house in the Dagobah system makes Jess and Nick realize that they have nothing in common other than love. I think we all know what’s next for Nick.

New Girl 4

Jess had a pretty big year. I’m not sure if the writers will revisit another shot at romance with Nick, but I’m quite confident that no moment will ever compare to meeting Prince.

New Girl airs Tuesdays at 9/8c on Fox.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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