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'The League' recap: Are you juicing?

Season 6 | Episode 2 | “Tefl-Andre” | Aired Sept 10, 2014

It appears that each episode of The League this season is going to kick off with another emasculating scenario for our old pal Kevin MacArthur. To open the show, we find Kevin at the doctor’s office being told he has “low T,” or low testosterone. Poor Kevin. Winning the Sacko has clearly cursed his own sacko. The doctor prescribes him a tube of Andro-Lube, which couldn’t possibly fall into the wrong hands. (Cue Skeletor laugh.)


The Andro-Lube promptly falls into the wrong hands, which belong to Ruxin’s six-year-old son, Baby Geoffrey. Baby G discovers the tube of wonders in the MacArthurs’ bathroom and thinks it’s some sort of baseball-glove oil. Why would he think that? Well, he just sat through the creepiest speech imaginable from Uncle Andre, master of the gross. Once they return to their own home, Ruxin finds his son lubing up the glove and sporting a wicked Justin Bieber-esque puberty mustache. Baby Geoffrey’s voice also sounds like an up-and-coming baritone, which prompts some concern from his dad.

Back to the rest of the gang. They’re still trying to figure out who will replace Ted, #RIP. They decide to persuade Russell the Sex Addict (played by Rob Heubel) to join, but he’s unsure. He is however, very sure about wine, which is his new obsession. The gang sends Kevin to seal the deal with Russell, and when he tries, Russell tries to seal the deal with him using a variety of sexual “tea” metaphors.

Kevin: I have low T. I’m not a fan of hot liquids!

Classic Kevin. The gang pops up from behind the bar to reveal that this was all a prank, but as Pete points out, Kevin didn’t say no to Russell. That’s commitment to fantasy football right there. Brings new meaning to the phrase “Take one for the team.”

Back to Geoffrey the Hulk: He’s now slamming home runs for his Little League team, much to the delight of proud Papa Ruxin. The team is being sponsored by Ruxin’s law firm, and one of the higher-ups in that firm, Bethesda (played by Rob Riggle), is the coach. Ruxin needs his son to keep hitting well so he can further his career. So we get a montage of the Ruxins shaving together, Geoffrey enjoying his new chest hair during a bubble bath, and some baseball moments tossed in to make things less weird.

Speaking of weird, Taco spends parts of the episode trying to convince someone to join the board of Taco Corp. You remember Taco Corp. Its mission is to connect all the Eskimo brothers of the world so that they might … um … get tested? Pete finally joins the board and is introduced to its other two members, Slick and Gupta. There’s not much to say about Slick and Gupta, except that one of them will probably sexually harass you, and if you report them, the other one will sexually harass you. Taco Corp: Our office is in a van.

Meanwhile, at Andre’s office, NFL on FOX personality Jay Glazer shows up to discuss an end to their “charity work.” Earlier in the episode, it’s revealed that Glazer has been secretly feeding a sense of humor to Tefl-Andre, which explains the well-timed slams lately. They decide that Glazer is going to help Andre one last time, and then their arrangement is over. Pete almost discovers the secret when he swings by the office, but Andre hides Glazer like a young lad hiding a Playboy.

The gang reconvenes to watch football at Russell’s wine bar, where the former sex addict introduces them to several delightful selections. Of course, what former sex addict could resist describing wine with bondage metaphors and penetration similes? At one point, Russell cuts right to the chase and proclaims, “This next wine is like butt sex.” I would describe this line as very subtle, with just a hint of vomit in the back of my throat.

Andre tries to get in a few more wisecracks about his amigos, but his earpiece falls out and he can no longer hear Glazer’s verbal jabs. This leads to Glazer becoming frustrated and revealing the whole plan to the gang. Andre begs Glazer to still be friends with him on social media, even yelling, “I’ll hit you up on LinkedIn!” as Glazer walks out the door. To calm the situation, Russell reveals another bottle of red, which he describes as being like “a bear hungry for pubes.” Folks, you gotta go big or go home when it comes to wine sex metaphors.

The episodes wraps up as Baby Geoffrey, with chest and armpit hair spilling out of his uniform, wins the Little League championship for his team. As Ruxin celebrates with his hairy slugger, Geoffrey’s pants rip and reveal some rather “meaty clackers.” Yes, it seems Geoffrey’s testicles have also hit puberty, and after a brief look by the umpire, the game is declared a forfeit. Not good for Ruxin, who is delicately told by Coach Bethesda that he is shit. The Great Andro-Lube Caper of 2014 clearly did not pay dividends for Mr. Rodney Ruxin.

I loved this episode because the show’s writers continue to find new ways to take things over the top. I would love to be in the room when someone said, “Hey, how about Geoffrey finds testosterone cream and grows huge balls?” The other writers cheer, crack open some beers, and hoist the writer up in his chair, yelling, “Geoffrey balls! Geoffrey balls!” Ah, the beauty of the creative process. I will miss Tefl-Andre, though. It was a nice wrinkle to his character, but speaking of wrinkles … I’ll stop here. Definitely catch this episode with On Demand if you missed it.

The League airs Wednesday nights at 10p.m. on FXX.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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