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Hold on to your hair: 'America’s Next Top Model' makeovers

Cycle 21 | Episode 4 | “The Guy Who Gets a Beard Weave” | Aired Sept 1, 2014

This week, the models swap spit (for science), and a stylist glues what looks like an elementary school pageant prop to a man’s face in my favorite week so far of cycle 21 of America’s Next Top Model—the makeover episode.

The guys and girls meet consultant Yu Tsai and photographer An Le at Pershing Square for an optical illusion shoot that’s a welcome change from past weeks. The models are fully clothed (in some gorgeous fall fashions, at that), and they’re posing in challenging sideways and upside-down positions that really force them to model head-to-toe.

antm-week4_romeoMirjana proves she’s SO over Matthew by turning her attentions to Denzel, who needs her comfort after struggling during his shoot and storming off set. Romeo so lacks energy that he asks an assistant to tape his shoes to a pole just to make his shot work. As Adam observes, “He just kind of laid there like a pregnant penguin.”

Back at the house, the models play a nonsense game of hide-and-seek that finally leads up to the best episode of every ANTM cycle: MAKEOVERS!

antm-week4_adamBest makeover? Adam. Tyra chooses close-cropped cuts for Ben and Adam. The latter laments, “[My hair and I] do everything together. We hang out in the morning, we shower together, we bang chicks together. We lost a good soldier out on that field today.” I’m no physician. But I suspect Adam was storing up excessive reserves of testosterone in his surfer waves, because after being buzzed, he transforms from a fraternity pledge cartoon into a real boy, even video-chatting his parents to show off his makeover.

Most dramatic makeover? Tie. Kari went from being the house sweetheart to, in Tyra’s words, a Donatella Versace–Lady Gaga mash-up: platinum blond hair and eyebrows to match. In shock, she breaks down in front of Miss J, but resolves to be strong and accept it.

antm-week4_denzel-beardTyra left Denzel with a Party City beard weave he says resembles “Black Abraham Lincoln,” and by the end of the episode, she requests a do-over in the hopes of finding some false facial hair to better fit his face.

In the category of strangest ANTM product placement in 21 cycles, the models spit into a test tube and, for those who remain in the competition for however long it takes to test DNA, they’ll eventually learn about their heritage in what’s sure to be a borderline non-PC photo shoot, courtesy of Ancestry.com. Stay tuned.

My new favorite will-they-won’t-they couple is Matthew and Will. After Will’s hair is coiffed into a pompadour, Matthew admits, “I like women, but when I look at Will, do I think, Holy **** … God did something really beautiful with this person?’ Yeah!”

After the models dip into the booze supplies and crank the music, Mirjana and Denzel head to the showers. Meanwhile, as we find out in the too-bright light of a morning hangover, Matthew and Will share a smootch. Matthew maintains it was not sexual, and he simply respects Will. When the other housemates insist Matthew must be bisexual, Will explains that the interrogations bring back upsetting memories for him. “I felt like I was witnessing what happened to me as a child,” he recalls. “That was a small scale of how LGBT people feel all the time.” Matthew brushes it off: “I got to make out with the prettiest girl in the house.”

After the makeover (and make-out) drama, the panel feels like a let-down.


Ben, who’s adopted a new bad-boy style, earns praise from Tyra and Kelly, usually a critic: “I feel like you did a really great job of bringing something extra,” she says, describing what turns out to be this week’s winning photo. Tyra gives Lenox this week’s only “10,” and she’s followed by Will, Raelia and Keith.

Chantelle, whom the judges criticized for being too tight and not relaxed enough, winds up in the bottom two with Kari, who earns the final spot with Tyra’s warning to embrace her “freaky” new makeover … and not lose her neck in photos.

Note: I don’t know whether to give credit to the show’s editors or the dark arts, but Romeo is now three for three casting a spell on the model who ends up going home. This week, he threatened to put a spell on Chantelle to send her home … and sure enough, Tyra sent her packing.

Next week: The bigger the shoes, the bigger the fall; the models lip-lock in a game of Truth or Dare; and they pose as what might be black widow spiders licking the nipples of their prey? TBD.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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