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'BoJack Horseman' recap: Boston, Boreanaz and BoJack's new brothers

Season 1 | Episode 5 | “Live Fast, Diane Nguyen” | Released Aug 22, 2014

Throughout the first four episodes, Diane has been a rock of normalcy for BoJack, Todd and the entire crew. Other than her ability to see through emotional mess and a knack for dry cleverness, we don’t know much about her as a person. In episode 5, we not only learn where she came from, we learn why she is who she is.

The show opens with BoJack in the airport security line, arguing with a TSA agent. To the annoyance of an entire line of people behind him, BoJack believes his celebrity gives him special privileges. He sees no reason why he can’t bring his flask of bourbon through the line. He’s an important person who’s on his way to New York for a meeting with a publisher and shouldn’t have to follow the rules. After watching Diane cruise through security because she simply followed the rules, he sighs and pulls out a gun. Sure, it’s only a lighter, but it gets him a date with a full-body cavity search anyway.

After the credits, we see BoJack and Diane in a meeting with the penguin publisher. After telling them about the fresh New York air and his lack of health insurance, the penguin asks how things are going. BoJack reports the book is flying along, but when Diane leaves to answer a call, BoJack changes his tune. He feels Diane is too functional to properly tell his story. The penguin freaks out and tells him the book must be on the shelves by October. Diane comes back in, apologizes and dryly tells them her father has just died. Despite everyone’s condolences, she’s pretty unfazed. She just needs to drop by Boston, gives some condolences, and she’ll be right back into the swing of things. Diane figures BoJack can come along for the detour so they can get some work done along the way.

Back in BoJack’s house, Todd is making breakfast. While he’s away, BoJack has given Todd one instruction: Do nothing. Don’t make a mess; don’t ruin anything. Do a whole lot of nothing. Todd freezes, breaks an egg and, with the seal broken, goes on a messy spree. He rides a girl’s bike through the house, takes fancy bubble bath and jumps on the bed spraying milk and cereal all over the bedroom.

The “Oh Boy, That’s Uncomfortable” Moment: Part of Todd’s fun day is a very odd moment where he dresses a pillow up in his clothing, straps a can of Quaker oats to his face and has a pretend conversation as BoJack. Weird …

Episode 5 - Todd As BoJack

As Todd climbs to the roof to jump on a trampoline, a bus full of tourists roll up. The guide explains this is the home of TV’s David Boreanaz, and when Todd yells they have the wrong house, the crowd is disappointed. A koala comments she would have paid $50 to see the home of the American Hugh Jackman. Todd hears this, gets an idea and invites the entire tour inside.

The “I Do This Constantly” Moment: Everyone on the tour mistakes David Boreanaz for another actor, referencing his work on Person of Interest, Castle and Burn Notice. (Despite how many times I’ve watched Bones, I’d probably do the same thing.)

Back in Boston, Diane and BoJack are on their way to her mom’s house. Diane thinks it’s best BoJack just wait in the car while she pops in to pay her respects, as her brothers are narrow-minded morons. BoJack thinks it would have been great to have siblings. This prompts a recollection of him as a young boy asking his dad to meet his imaginary friend, which gets a severe response. His dad tells him imaginary friends are for weaklings, and BoJack should bang his head against the wall until he becomes less stupid.

Diane explains she doesn’t really care much about her family. She’s the hated one because she left, and her now-deceased father was the worst out of all of them. When BoJack asks her about the whole “sitting on the roof with her daddy” story, Diane sighs and explains she lied in an attempt to get him to open up. BoJack is a bit hurt, but Diane explains she did spend her evenings alone on a hill praying she’d wake up as Chelsea Clinton. With her hair, of course. They pull up to the home, Diane hands BoJack a kaleidoscope to keep him occupied and she runs in. Shouldn’t take her more than 10 minutes.

What follows is an avalanche of fantastic Boston stereotypes: One brother can’t peel his eyes from a video of the ’86 World Series, the house is full of Red Sox stuff and every other word is either a New England sports reference, a line from Good Will Hunting or something with a long, drawn-out “A” (“wicked smaaaaart”).

Episode 5 - Boston Family

As expected, Diane’s mother comes in and starts laying the blame on thick. She tells Diane to go back to her California friends and not worry about helping their grieving family. Diane turns to leave, but her brother stops her. They could really use some help getting their affairs in order. Besides, her dad, who is still sitting in his favorite armchair with bags of ice on him, is starting to smell. Diane reluctantly agrees to hang out and help.

Meanwhile, back at BoJack’s place, the tourists are having a grand time looking through the home. Todd has managed to paste David Boreanaz’s face onto everything and the tour is eating it up. Todd’s conscience warns him of breaking BoJack’s trust, but he silences the voice with a good smothering. Todd then gets a call from Princess Carolyn. She’s caught wind of the scam and wants in, suggesting she may be able to get Mila Kunis involved if she plays her cards right. It looks like things are starting to snowball a bit in the fake-celebrity-home scandal.

Back in the car, BoJack finally grows tired of the kaleidoscope and looks for Diane. She’s in the living room, surrounded by her annoying family. Just as she leaves the living room in the midst of a big argument, BoJack walks in. Rather than instantly hate him like Diane thought they would, they recognize him as the star of Horsin’ Around and go crazy.

We then cut to David Boreanaz’s—I mean, BoJack’s house, where Carolyn is working the door and Todd is giving the tour. They’re charging $75 a person and business is booming. They even got Mila Kunis to hang out in the kitchen and wear a Black Swan shirt. For the high rollers, they also have a section where platinum members can peek in on Ferris Buellerstyle sleeping David dummy.

Episode 5 - Mila

Back in Boston, as Diane is trying to plan a funeral, BoJack is bonding with Diane’s brothers. It’s clear he’s trying to adopt them as his own, asking them to play touch football and telling stories of Ben Affleck’s love of grapes. The brothers then tell BoJack of a horrible prank they played on Diane back in the day. They made up a pen-pal boyfriend named Leo, wrote to Diane for six months as him, then hired a homeless person to take her to the homecoming dance. Naturally, BoJack thinks it’s a fantastic prank. Diane is again mortified and leaves to meet the funeral director, taking BoJack with her.

In the meeting with the maggot funeral director, Diane wants the worst possible service for her dad. After taking the “Piece of Shit Dad Package,” BoJack suggests she loosen up a bit on her family. He thinks she may be able to learn something from them and, if she doesn’t relax, she’ll blow up. Just then, a call from an unlisted number appears and BoJack angrily ignores it. It’s a good move, as the call is from the paparazzi birds, trying to continue their blackmail from a couple of episodes ago. Getting nowhere, they decide to hit him where he lives.

But when they arrive at the BoJack residence, they’re shocked to learn of its Boreanaz-ian transformation. Things have gotten out of control. As Carolyn dumps another stack of cash in Todd’s office, he’s clearly stressed. He’s run out of shoe boxes for the money, the offshore bank accounts aren’t legal, and he had to fire the gift-shop girl for stealing bobbleheads. Todd thinks he’s in too deep, but Carolyn wants to hear nothing of it. She wants this gravy train to keep rolling.

Back at the funeral home, not only has nobody shown up to the makeshift funeral, but there’s not even a body in the coffin. The funeral director explains that he sent some people over to collect her dad, but nobody was home. Her useless brothers couldn’t even stick around long enough to wait for the corpse collector.

Episode 5 - Funeral

Diane finds the entire family in a local bar. They explain that her dad wouldn’t have wanted a stuffy funeral, so they did the next-best thing: Chop him up into chum with the plan of throwing it on Derek Jeter. Diane is horrified, but her mom sums things up: Diane wouldn’t know what her dad wanted, because she left and doesn’t care. According to the family, she’s too much of a hotshot to care about where’s she’s from. BoJack then explains that Diane is not a fancy-pants. She’s just a 33-year-old who’s writing a book that won’t have her name on it and lives with her famous celebrity-dog boyfriend. This puts Diane into a crazy tailspin. After some screaming, bottle smashing and running around, Diane grabs the keys to her father’s truck and, with his remains in the bed, takes off.

As expected, nobody cares where she went. The Red Sox game is on, and that’s entirely more important than their sister’s mental state. BoJack has an idea of where she went, but as he leaves to find her, the family asks him to stay. He’s like the fifth brother they never had. BoJack is torn between his newfound siblings and his loyalty to Diane.

Back at his pad, the cops are busting up the Boreanaz exhibit. As the tourists loot the place of statues, paintings and sinks, Todd is left to fend for himself when the cops arrive. As they refer to Todd as “Mr. Boreanaz,” Mr. Peanutbutter is in the home talking on the phone with Diane. She’s at the dump in her childhood alone spot. After explaining how similar David Boreanaz’s home looks to BoJack’s and hearing her tale of woe, he offers Diane a big hug when she gets back.

The “Maybe This is a Bit of Foreshadowing” Moment: As BoJack rolls up to the dump, Diane gets off the phone, telling Mr. Peanutbutter that BoJack has just pulled up. As she hangs up, we hear, “Why’s BoJack there?” from Mr. Peanutbutter. Could this be a problem going forward?

Episode 5 - Diane Dump

BoJack apologizes to Diane for all of the honest yet negative comments. To make up for it, BoJack hands her a letter from her old pen pal, Leo. While it’s obvious he wrote it, the sentiment is very sweet. The letter tells Diane to never stop being a good person and points out some of her quirky but endearing qualities. Diane appreciates it and confesses that after all of the drama her family put her through, she still wants them to appreciate her.

When Diane asks BoJack if that’s too much to expect, his answer is surprisingly blunt. Yep, it’s stupid to expect your family to ever be proud of you, especially when they’re a pack of idiots like hers is. In his mind, closure is a fantasy. All you can do is to continue living your life forward, and if her past isn’t worth returning to, she shouldn’t feel obligated to do so. They live in the superficial world of Los Angeles, where nobody cares about your past. Shitty parents are the reason the city exists. BoJack makes sure Diane knows her awful dad can’t hurt anyone anymore.

But as he sits on the hood of the truck, her dad’s remains fall out of the back. To a swinging tune, the chum bucket rolls through Fenway, passes Cheers, and ends up knocking over Derek Jeter as he helps an old lady cross the street. Mission accomplished!

At the airport, BoJack takes an alone moment to call Herb, his standup mentor from a few episodes ago. From the conversation, we learn there was some past drama and Herb has a “terminal something.” The episode finishes with Todd trying to call BoJack from jail, only to get his voicemail, giving us two hanging story points: BoJack and Herb have unfinished business, and Todd is in serious trouble. Even if they don’t get resolved, this is an interesting episode about family, moving forward and the near-impossible task of living up to other people’s expectations. Another funny yet surprisingly thoughtful show!

Watch BoJack Horseman on Netflix.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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