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Make-up sex proves to be the most satisfying on 'Satisfaction'

Season 1 | Episode 7 | “…Through terms and conditions” | Aired Aug 28, 2014

You know the old cliché: There’s nothing like make-up sex. Well, unless you’re Seinfeld, who put it behind conjugal visit sex and fugitive sex (which, believe it or not, this episode also contains). Bummer, then, if you’re a couple who never fights, as we learn the Trumans are as episode 7 of Satisfaction opens. The couple next door is having a major fight (so major it wakens all three Trumans), which prompts Grace to be thankful she and Neil aren’t like that. Neil agrees, which leads to a very contradictory conversation about their problem-solving techniques.

Neil: We don’t have to have petty arguments to solve our problems, we talk them through.
Grace: You never really want to talk.
Neil: I try. You don’t always want to talk.
Grace: You don’t always listen.
Me: Umm, you’re both liars. I’ve been watching you for SEVEN WEEKS and have never seen either one of you want to talk or listen.

Grace doesn’t want to fight (totes missing out on some great make-up sex I bet, but whatevs) and walks out. I rest my case.

Good news! Simon’s back.


Adriana and sidekick Rosalie return to Simon’s apartment, lick-slip a wedding ring on his finger and toss him in a black SUV (with Rosalie driving, of course). If, like me, you are wondering when you missed the part where Simon started working for Adriana, the answer is short: you didn’t, because he didn’t. Seems Adriana has presented him with an offer he can’t refuse (five times his usual salary!), and as their escort wagon speeds through the streets, Adriana counts out a wad of cash and she and Simon have a confusing discussion on the merits of marriage (surprise—neither one of them is a fan). Stay tuned, it’ll make sense in a minute. Sort of.

Dylan and Stephanie (who is pathetically hanging all over an obviously uninterested Dylan) pay Grace a visit to drop off a framed print of the artsy—but naked—photo Dylan took of Grace in the last episode. Grace seems embarrassed by the photo and slightly bothered by the new couple and deflects them by talking about the upcoming college visit she and Neil are taking with Anika (Rand University, Neil and Grace’s alma mater, which wouldn’t you know it, is also where Dylan went to school!).

Back at the office, Neil is still working on his happiness nap app and calls Grace to tell her he won’t be able to make the college visit, using the old “something suddenly came up” excuse. Be original, dude. Grace is pissed. Neil tells her that he’s already on thin ice by experimenting with product development and this project will get pulled if not done soon. Hold on. Doesn’t Neil work for a giant financial advisor? Regardless, they have a big, circular fight about the college visit being important, but so is the job that pays for the college and round and round it goes. Too bad Grace is leaving. It would’ve made for decent make-up sex, I bet.

When Neil is alone, Simon calls and tells him that Mallory (remember Neil’s first client? The sad, neglected wife who Neil bedded down pretending to be Simon?) wants to see him again. Oh, and BTW, he’s given her Neil’s number, which she uses to start texting Neil to “call me.” Surprisingly, he ignores it.

The next day, Neil is talking to his happiness app, which is actually answering him like a cross between Siri and Samantha from the movie “Her”. It’s beyond ridiculous. When his neighbor Lawrence (Chris Williams) comes over, Neil even gets him hooked on it…er, her? The app actually tells Lawrence to apologize to his wife. Come on. The day just gets more comically absurd when Neil keeps trying to kick Lawrence out of the house so he can work, and Lawrence invites a large group of “the guys” over to Lamda Lamda Truman. Seriously, there’re dudes floating in the pool and drinking beer and leaving their red Solo cups and bottles all over the place. Lawrence discovers the framed photo of Grace sans clothes hidden behind a cabinet and takes it out for show-and-tell with the boys. Neil, who has never seen it, is surprised. And by “surprised” I mean livid, because Grace is keeping even more secrets from him. The nerve!

satisfaction7guitarOver at Rand U, Anika quickly grows bored of her orientation tour (it’s obvious this whole college choice is so her mom’s idea) and ditches the group when new boyfriend-but-maybe-just-a-friend-with-some-benefits Mateo shows up to surprise her. The two burgeoning singer-songwriters take to the streets of wherever Rand is located and perform another totally impromptu original song, earning them the praise—and cash—of the passersby. This doesn’t look well for Anika’s chances with Rand U…or any other college for that matter. It’s like I just told my own daughter who went to college: Beware of boys with guitars.

Grace, meanwhile, finds her old favorite design professor and wouldn’t you know it, the prof not only remembers Grace’s passion and talent, but immediately decides to nominate her for a fellowship with the Design Institute of Milan! Imagine the luck!

Now we get to the part of the episode—and recap—where the conjugal sex comes in. How do we go from a University to a prison you ask? One word: Adriana. (By now that really should explain a lot.) Adriana has taken Simon to a prison and pays off a guard to get him through to see his “wife.” The lady Simon is sent to have sex with must either be very important or has paid off the prison guards very well, because her room looks nothing like the rooms of the ladies’ rooms in OITNB, not to mention the fact that she’s wearing a very decent black bra and looks like she’s recently had her eyebrows tweezed. I could go on, but the bottom line is that Simon has sex with her because her also incarcerated husband (who is also in prison for embezzling a lot of money—she was an accomplice) is funding this little soirée. Turns out she also pays to have escorts visit him. Simon is confused and acts like he’s never heard of such nonsense and madness. He can’t understand how a situation like this defines love. Hold on. Is he suddenly growing a heart? Boooo.

Back at the college town, Grace visits the bar where she used to work, and Neil suddenly storms in, pissed to all hell about that nude picture she hid from him. Grace is happy he made it after all and starts to excitedly tell him about the Milan fellowship (because history tells us that would go over well), but all Neil is there for is to rip into her about taking off her clothes for another man. I know what you may be thinking—Yes! It’s about time he confronted the little slut about Simon!—but nope. He’s apparently still cool with that. He’s just mad she took a nude (albeit artsy) photo and hid it from him. Grace is initially amused at this sudden show of any kind of emotion from her husband and then she’s enraged. Their fight quickly turns passionate, and in a move straight out of his and Adriana’s playbook from the last episode, they rip each other’s clothes off (or just uncover the necessary parts) and stumble into the bar’s restroom (gag) to have fierce sex. I’ll have to disagree with Seinfeld; from where I’m sitting, it looks like make-up sex is the most satisfying. (Although, side note to self: Do not touch the bathroom counters in public restrooms ever again.)

There’s an awkward moment when Neil and Grace walk in the dorm room on Anika and Mateo who are thisclose to having sex (fugitive sex if we go out on a limb and think of Anika as being on the run from her orientation group, which to satisfy the theme of this recap, I totally do), and after Neil does the angry-father thing, Mateo introduces himself as Anika’s boyfriend. Aww.

When the Trumans arrive back home, they interrupt Dylan and Stephanie (who are there to let the pool guy in…and to apparently have sex, which Neil and Grace seem way too cool with), and Neil retrieves the framed nude photo of Grace he’d tossed out by the garbage cans. After hanging it lovingly in their bedroom, the two lay down together for a nap and for the first time all season actually appear to care about each other. That crazy bathroom sex told them they do, I guess. When Neil gets a third (fourth?) text from Mallory, who is getting very insistent about seeing him (“I KNOW YOUR NAME NOW” she texts), he ignores it.

You know what I smell on the horizon, folks? Bunny. Boiled bunny.

Satisfaction airs Thursdays at 10/9C on USA.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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