EW Community TV Show Episode Guides and Recaps from EW's Community

'Married' recap: Life for rent

Season 1 | Episode 7 | “Waffles & Pizza” | Aired Aug 28, 2014

One of the most refreshing things about Married is its portrayal of a middle-class family that deals with real-world problems, like paying the rent and affording braces. A lot of mainstream TV loves to sugarcoat home life and make it more palatable for mass appeal (cough, Modern Family, cough); one could never accuse Married of doing the same. Russ and Lina are, in case you didn’t know by now, absolutely miserable, and not because someone forgot to do a homework assignment or because they didn’t get invited to a friend’s party. They’re miserable because their lives are really, really hard.

Their problems at home only seem to escalate. One week it was a veterinarian bill, the next was braces, and this week, they need to find a new place to live, which they learn when their morning breakfast is interrupted by a surprise open house put on by their landlord.

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So a house hunt begins, with Lina aiming way too high and Russ feeling bad about not being able to provide his wife with the home she really wants. But as luck would have it, AJ’s new “girlfriend” might be selling the perfect house for them. According to AJ, she’s in the middle of a tumultuous divorce that will inevitably end in the sale of her beautiful home—at a low price. AJ even offers to help Russ and Lina pay for it because he wants the divorce to go through so much.

Meanwhile, Jess’s boss calls her into his office for a top-secret meeting, complete with a locked door and a hushed voice. It’s not about a promotion or a demotion or anything related to her job at all. He wants “tickets in aisle C,” his slang for cocaine. Initially honored to be the “Badass Cocaine-Dealing Girl,” Jess agrees to seek some out for her boss.

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Lina and AJ go house-crazy and get way too involved in his new girlfriend’s life, with AJ looking up her husband Carl’s tax returns and Lina verbally encouraging divorce. Russ gets unwillingly dragged into the helping, even though he knows it’s pointless. He doesn’t want AJ’s help, and they wouldn’t be able to afford the house even if he did accept help.

Jess seeks out her old coke dealer only to learn that he’s totally clean now, working a normal job at a hotel. He’s officially cut himself off from the entire drug world to focus on his career and his family. He tells Jess he can’t help her, and also reminds her that maybe it’s not the best idea to perpetuate her image as the Cocaine Girl. Reinvigorated, Jess goes back to work and tells her boss that she doesn’t have a cocaine hookup, and that it was really inappropriate of him to ask her in the first place. Then she demands a promotion, which she gets. WOO!

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Just when it seems like maybe Russ and Lina will be able to purchase their dream house, AJ’s girlfriend breaks up with him for being too invasive in her life. And just like that, prospects of buying their own house are crushed, and Russ and Lina are back to renting. But they handle the letdown with grace—they’ve been let down before. They get up, brush themselves off, and acknowledge that maybe they’re meant to be renters, and maybe that’s not so bad. At least not being tied down gives them street cred.

Married airs Thursdays at 10 p.m. on FX.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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