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Soaps couples who can't stay together—or apart

It was raining in Port Charles last week, so, naturally, Sonny and Carly shared an ill-advised sex romp on General Hospital. (Not that fair weather would have stopped them, just that they’ll grab at any excuse.) Ill-advised sex romps are about the only kind this couple ever has. Starting from their very first time, back in 1999, when Sonny wanted to prove to his best friend Jason that his girlfriend Carly was a slut (and, obviously, there is only one way to do that), up through the infamous “limo grief sex” (they were sad because it looked like their son, Michael, might never come out of his coma) to the sex they had because they were sad about post-coma Michael going to prison, to now, where, sure, let’s blame it on the weather. Or the pizza. Or Carly’s new boyfriend, the reformed serial killer, who probably isn’t good for her. Whatever point he has to make, Sonny only has one way of making.

But lest you think General Hospital’s four-time married and divorced signature pair are the only ones in daytime who can’t stay together or apart, rest assured, they’ve got plenty of company.

Take, for instance, Days of Our Lives’ Sami. She frequently juggles not one, but two, dysfunctional relationships. This summer, she remarried EJ so she could steal his family company in response to EJ’s affair with Abigail. And this is after EJ more or less raped her years ago by refusing to save the life of her-then love, Lucas, unless Sami slept with him. Meanwhile, Lucas is the guy Sami first lied about being the father of her oldest son, Will, then was planning to marry while pregnant with twins—one fathered by Lucas and one by EJ. Rhett Butler may have told Scarlett he can’t keep waiting to catch her between husbands, but Lucas and EJ apparently like taking turns.

On The Young & the Restless, it’s Victor and Nikki who fit the bill. What started as a story about a controlling billionaire playing Pygmalion by turning a trashy stripper into a lady (well, sort of; she quit stripping, at least), quickly became an endless series of marriages and divorces interspersed with extra-marital affairs, marriages to and divorces from other people, faked terminal illnesses, deathbed weddings, and two children named, oh so originally, Victoria and Nicholas.

As for sister-soap The Bold & the Beautiful, everyone knows that Brooke and Ridge will always find their way back to each other (just ask Taylor. And Eric. And Ashley. And Thorne. And Deacon. And…). At the moment, Brooke is with Bill and Ridge is with Katie. But does anyone really believe there’s not another tear-filled reunion on the horizon?

In fact, it seems that the only way for a star-crossed (that’s a nice way of putting it) soap couple to end up together for good is for the show to be cancelled.

All My Children wrapped up its ABC run with Erica swearing to get Jack back—again—after 20 plus years that included Erica sleeping with Jack while married to his brother, a kidnapping trial where Jack defended Erica (and lost), then a murder trial where Jack prosecuted Erica (and lost) and, finally, a marriage that lasted all of two years followed by another half a decade of back and forth. Since neither Jack nor Erica appeared on the web revival of the show, and since Erica always gets what she wants in the end, viewers are free to assume that Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery are living happily ever after—off-screen.

On the other hand, the web revival of One Life to Live confirmed that Llanview’s Viki and Clint, as well as Blair and Todd were on-again (even if Todd was obliged to take off for parts unknown, leaving a sobbing Blair crumpled against the door, in order to protect his family from vague, evil forces). The show’s second cancellation made their reunions permanent.

The same goes for Guiding Light’s Reva and Josh, who sealed their life-long “Always” connection (which managed to remain intact despite Reva marrying Josh’s brother. And his father. And, because fair is fair, Josh marrying Reva’s sister) by happily driving off in a pick-up truck during the credits. Unaware that Reva’s presumed dead husband, Jeffrey, was alive and engaged in his own battle against vague evil. This time on a rooftop.

As the World Turns’ Carly and Jack also sneaked in a reconciliation just under the wire as, on the day the last show aired in 2010, not only was Jack confirmed to not be the father of his ex’s son, but Carly revealed herself to be pregnant and—bonus—for the first time ever, the baby was most definitely Jack’s, rather than the questionable paternity that accompanied the birth of her son Parker (not Jack’s) and daughter Sage (Jack’s—though it was a close call). Without any evidence to the contrary, viewers can sleep soundly at night, secure in the knowledge that the Snyders are still a happy family in 2014.

Who is your favorite soap multi-married couple? Got one that’s split up now, but it’s only a matter of time before they’re back together? Or how about one that, thanks to cancellation, you just know is still going strong.

TV Families | EW.com
February 23, 1990 at 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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margin-24-tb clearfix" > <div class="author-text" data-tracking-zone="author"> <div class="author-list-item"> <a class="bold author-name" href="/author/elisabeth-vincentelli/">Elisabeth Vincentelli</a> </div> <div class="timestamp published-date"> April 14, 2000 at 04:00 AM EDT </div> </div> </div> <!-- Article Content --> <div id="article-body" class="article content body clearfix" data-tracking-zone="body"> <div class="padded"> <p>Being the Rolling Stones is a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it. Since the Stones themselves have turned into a joke, we’ll gladly take the Delta 72. Their earlier recordings were inspired by hard-driving ’60s soul, but now with <strong>000</strong> these Philly boys look back to the flamboyantly sweaty boogie Jagger & Co. played at their ’70s peak — and completely rejuvenate it. 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