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What If: Ray Donovan on the job at the Emmys

The 2014 Emmy Awards proceeded more or less as expected: Emmys awarded, mediocre jokes delivered, and awkward award speeches recited. Generally a pleasant albeit predictable affair, some issues popped up that could have been dealt with if only Hollywood’s best (fictional) fixer were on the case. Here is how Ray Donovan, played by Liev Schreiber on the titular Showtime drama, would have fixed the Emmys for the better.


 

Problem: Incessant high-pitched chimes accompany every musical interlude as winners walk up to the stage.

Fix: Ray gives the chime-wielding percussionist a choice—the bag or the bat. Either way, no more chimes at the Emmys makes for a much more pleasant evening.

Ray Donovan-Do you want the bag or the bat-


Problem: Despite winning Actor and Supporting Actor Emmys for their work in Sherlock, both Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman are absent from the awards ceremony.

Fix: One encounter with the equally sweet and brutal Avi and the busy British actors miraculously find an opening in their respective schedules. Presumed devout Sherlockian Bridget Donovan is pleased.


Problem: Modern Family wins (again), this time over Netflix darling Orange Is the New Black.

Fix: Ray brings the bat back out again. The ladies of Litchfield wouldn’t have it any other way.


Problem: Ray Donovan receives only one nomination (Jon Voight for Supporting Actor in a Drama) and no wins.

Fix: Excusing for getting a bit meta, Ray has a private meeting with Television Arts and Sciences execs in the parking lot. Next year’s ceremony will most likely fare better for Ray Donovan. Whether that’s due to the end of category dominating Breaking Bad or a parking lot meeting, the world may never know.


Problem: Bryan Cranston ensures Lead Actress in a Comedy winner Julia Louis-Dreyfus remembers his guest starring role on Seinfeld as Tim the dentist Elaine briefly dated.

Fix: There is nothing to fix about this now iconic Emmy moment.

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href="http://www.ew.com/article/2015/03/27/barely-lethal-teen-action-comedy-overturns-r-rating"> <img typeof="foaf:Image" src="http://www.ew.com/sites/default/files/styles/tout_image_100x100/public/i/2015/03/18/barely-lethal.jpg?itok=4dJGnRDV" width="100" height="100" alt="" title="" /> </a> </div> </li> </ul> </section> <img src="http://img5.timeinc.net/keynote/above_the_fold_1x1.gif" alt="" width="1" height="1" /> <img src="http://img5.timeinc.net/keynote/above_the_fold_1x1.gif" alt="" width="1" height="1" /> <img src="http://img5.timeinc.net/keynote/above_the_fold_1x1.gif" alt="" width="1" height="1" /> <img src="http://img5.timeinc.net/keynote/above_the_fold_1x1.gif" alt="" width="1" height="1" /> <section class="block threecol block-latest_recaps"> <h2>TV Recaps</h2> <ul> <li> <a href="http://www.ew.com/recap/12-monkeys-season-1-episode-11"> '12 Monkeys' recap: 'Shonin' <span class="recap-airdate">Aired on Friday, Mar 27</span> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://www.ew.com/recap/greys-anatomy-season-11-episode-17"> 'Grey's' recap: 'With or Without You' <span class="recap-airdate">Aired on Thursday, Mar 26</span> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://www.ew.com/recap/the-blacklist-season-2-episode-17"> 'Blacklist' recap: 'The Longevity Initiative' <span class="recap-airdate">Aired on Thursday, Mar 26</span> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://www.ew.com/recap/bones-season-10-episode-11"> 'Bones' recap: 'The Psychic in the Soup' <span class="recap-airdate">Aired on Thursday, Mar 26</span> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://www.ew.com/recap/vikings-season-3-episode-6"> 'Vikings' recap: 'Born Again' <span class="recap-airdate">Aired on Thursday, Mar 26</span> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://www.ew.com/recap/scandal-season-4-episode-17"> 'Scandal' recap: 'Put a Ring on It' <span class="recap-airdate">Aired on Thursday, Mar 26</span> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://www.ew.com/recap/survivor-season-30-episode-6"> 'Survivor: Worlds Apart' recap: 'Odd Woman Out' <span class="recap-airdate">Aired on Wednesday, Mar 25</span> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://www.ew.com/recap/american-idol-season-14-episode-22"> 'American Idol' recap: Meet your top 9! <span class="recap-airdate">Aired on Wednesday, Mar 25</span> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://www.ew.com/recap/the-americans-season-3-episode-9"> 'Americans' recap: 'Do Mail Robots Dream of Electric Sheep?' <span class="recap-airdate">Aired on Wednesday, Mar 25</span> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://www.ew.com/recap/pretty-little-liars-season-5-finale"> 'Pretty Little Liars' recap: 'Welcome To The Dollhouse' <span class="recap-airdate">Aired on Tuesday, Mar 24</span> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://www.ew.com/recap/the-flash-season-1-episode-16"> 'The Flash' recap: 'Rogue Time' <span class="recap-airdate">Aired on Tuesday, Mar 24</span> </a> </li> </ul> </section> <!-- CM Display Ad, 300x250 --> <!-- ew_cm_ad:Desktop - CM Display Ad Right rail:62 --> <div class="ad-placeholder" id="ad_slot_62_5517876c35224" data-ad-id="" data-ad-name="ad_slot_62_5517876c35224" data-ad-width="300" data-ad-height="250" data-ad-package="" data-ad-channel="" data-ad-subchannel="" data-ad-contentpage="false" data-ad-contenttype="" data-ad-multisize="false" data-ad-sizes="['300x250']" data-ad-companion="" data-ad-zone="" data-ad-cmpos="rightrail" data-ad-cmtyp="tout" data-ad-pos="" style="" ></div> <div class="field field-name-field-ew-ad-size-multi field-type-multifield field-label-hidden"><div class="field-items"><div class="field-item even"></div></div></div> <div class="ew-community-wrapper"> <!-- Rendered: Sun, 29 Mar 2015 04:47:05 0000 --> <div id="ew-featured-widget-external" class="widget widget_ewcom_featured_widget"><h2 class="widgettitle">FanWatch</h2> <ol id="community_featured_items"> <li> <a href="http://community.ew.com/2015/03/27/x-files-eve/"> <div class="tout"> <div class="imgcont"> <img class='ew-lazy-load' data-src='https://ewvox.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/rsz_xfiles_eve.png?w=100&h=100&crop=1' src='http://img2-1.timeinc.net/ew/static/i/blank.png' alt=''X-Files' Fridays: What's a girl?' width='100' height='100' /> </div> <!-- imgcont --> <div class="txtcont"> <span class="headline"> 'X-Files' Fridays: What's a girl? </span> <span class="author">Kelly Connolly, Community Administrator</span> </div> <!-- txtcont --> </div> <!-- tout --> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://community.ew.com/2015/03/27/parenthood-recap-season-1-episode-7/"> <div class="tout"> <div class="imgcont"> <img class='ew-lazy-load' data-src='https://ewvox.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/ph-main-7.jpeg?w=100&h=100&crop=1' src='http://img2-1.timeinc.net/ew/static/i/blank.png' alt=''Parenthood' nostalgia recap: Hot for teacher' width='100' height='100' /> </div> <!-- imgcont --> <div class="txtcont"> <span class="headline"> 'Parenthood' nostalgia recap: Hot for teacher </span> <span class="author">Michelle Newman, Community Featured Contributor</span> </div> <!-- txtcont --> </div> <!-- tout --> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://community.ew.com/2015/03/26/8-best-breakfast-club-themed-tv-episodes/"> <div class="tout"> <div class="imgcont"> <img class='ew-lazy-load' data-src='https://ewvox.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/bcclub.jpg?w=100&h=100&crop=1' src='http://img2-1.timeinc.net/ew/static/i/blank.png' alt='8 'Breakfast Club'-themed TV episodes to revisit' width='100' height='100' /> </div> <!-- imgcont --> <div class="txtcont"> <span class="headline"> 8 'Breakfast Club'-themed TV episodes to revisit </span> <span class="author">Nivea Serrao, Community Contributor</span> </div> <!-- txtcont --> </div> <!-- tout --> </a> </li> <li> <a href="http://community.ew.com/2015/03/26/greys-anatomy-nose-monsters/"> <div class="tout"> <div class="imgcont"> <img class='ew-lazy-load' data-src='https://ewvox.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/derek.jpg?w=100&h=100&crop=1' src='http://img2-1.timeinc.net/ew/static/i/blank.png' alt='Nose monsters and 3 more great 'Grey's Anatomy' moments this week' width='100' height='100' /> </div> <!-- imgcont --> <div class="txtcont"> <span class="headline"> Nose monsters and 3 more great 'Grey's Anatomy' moments this week </span> <span class="author">Justin Kirkland, Community Contributor</span> </div> <!-- txtcont --> </div> <!-- tout --> </a> </li> </ol><a href=http://community.ew.com>More from the EW Community</a></div> <!-- end widget --> </div> <div id="partnerbar" class="rail-module rail-zergnet"> <h3>From Our Partners</h3> <div id="zergnet-widget-23483"></div> </div> <div class="outbrain-wrapper"> <div class="ob-in-page" id="outbrain-widget-0" data-obtemplate="ew" data-widgetid="HPC" data-divid="outbrain-widget-0"> </div> </div> </div> </div> </article> </div> </div> <div id="partnerbar-bottom"> <h3>More from Our Partners</h3> <div id="footer-partners" class="clear"> <div id="zergnet-widget-24479"></div> </div> </div> </main> <footer id="footer" class="footer" 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