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'BoJack Horseman' recap: The dibs-on-muffins scandal

Season 1 | Episode 2 | “BoJack Hates the Troops” | Aired Aug 22, 2014

When we last hung out with our pal BoJack, he was jump-starting his memoir, daydreaming about his past success and throwing 15th birthday parties for the daughters of Mexican druglords. In episode two, we find BoJack at one of his favorite spots: belly up to the bar at a local dive.

As the bartender fills his rocks glass to overflowing, BoJack overhears a skanky looking 20-something chatting on the phone about him. She’s recognized him as the star of Horsin’ Around and wants all her friends to hear about it. As her pals rush to the bar, BoJack gets a call from Carolyn in full agent mode. She wants to make sure he’s ready for his meeting with Diane (the ghostwriter) so he can finally get cracking on the book.

The Fantastic Running-Gag Moment: Every time Carolyn calls BoJack, she immediately puts him on hold for a random amount of time. Get used to the silly jingle she uses as her hold music; you’ll be hearing it (and laughing at it) often.

After BoJack hangs up the phone, he sees the giggling girls snapping camera-phone shots. A touch embarrassed, he lets them know how annoying they are. He tells them they are awful people, who made somebody miserable for their own selfish amusement. Just because the ringleader is young, skinny and pretty, doesn’t mean she can get away with being an awful person.

Fast forward to later that night and we find BoJack in bed with the mean girl. As he comments on his latest horrible life choice, she does a bit of live Tweeting on his crazy sexual preferences. At least BoJack is aware he’s a mess!

Episode 2 - BoJack Bed

After the title crawl, we find BoJack waking up after his long night. His hook-up from the previous evening is still there, she’s chomping on one of his last three breakfast strudels, and he needs her to leave before Diane arrives. But surprise, Diane is already there with strudel No. 2 in hand. BoJack asks her why she’s there so early, and Diane reminds him by reading out a long, horse tranquilizer–addled email about the appointment.

To make things worse, Mr. Peanutbutter is also in the house. The happy puppy is in the midst of filming a reality show and thought he would come with Diane to brag about it. The show is called Peanutbutter and Jelly, despite there being no jelly and BoJack’s complete annoyance.

To round out the unwelcome morning, Todd lounges on the couch, chomping on the final strudel and chatting with a Chinese Internet date. BoJack throws them all out and heads to the supermarket. Little does he know intense drama is about to unfold!

While roaming through the produce section, BoJack finds a package of muffins resting on a pile of apples. As he picks them up, a seal walks over and claims he has “dibs” on the pastry. It was the only one left on the shelf, and he placed it in the produce section while he went to the bathroom. This prompts a nonsensical argument about the nature of dibs and how one should claim rightful ownership of a supermarket item. BoJack, in a moment of perfectly understandable defiance, runs to the checkout, pays for the muffins (despite not even wanting them) and heads out the door. The seal is seething mad.

Episode 2 - Seal Argument

Back in his kitchen, BoJack is laid out on the floor from eating the entire 12-pack on his way home. As Todd brags about his amazing date and how the lady had a strange fascination with American banking information, Diane is eager to get working on the book.

The Awesome Todd Line of the Episode: “What do you guys think I should get Iacka for our 12-hour anniversary? She wants a framed picture of my mother’s maiden name.”

In his office and away from Todd, Diane and BoJack begin working on the book. From the first question, it’s clear he’s not ready to open up about his past. When Diane asks him about his childhood, he answers that everything was normal, despite the flashback to his parents arguing about abortions. It’s clear BoJack has some parental issues he refuses to work through.

Before Diane can fire another question, BoJack gets a call from Carolyn. It looks like a news show is doing a story on him! BoJack runs to the TV, flips it on and finds a scandal has erupted. The seal he bought muffins out from under isn’t just any sea mammal. He’s an actual Navy SEAL, who just returned from Afghanistan and has reached out to the network with a horrible story of celebrity cruelty. The anchor rails against BoJack’s crude and tasteless day ruining of one of our national heroes. BoJack thinks he’s so important because he was once on TV? Well, now the seal is on the tube and feels the same sense of entitlement. Take that, horse!

Against everyone’s advice, BoJack runs to the phone and calls in to the program. After both the anchor and the seal prompt BoJack for an apology, he refuses. A discussion erupts about the nature of dibs and how you can’t hide muffins in plain sight. It’s also tough luck for the seal as the entire box has been eaten, prompting a horrified analysis from the news anchor.

Episode 2 - BoJack TV

After screaming into the phone about his dwindling self-respect, BoJack hangs up and retreats to his mini-bar. He explains to Diane that it wasn’t even about the muffins. He was just tired of the world attacking him for being exceptionally awesome. Diane understands his lack of privacy: She admits to feeling pressure from her boyfriend’s reality show, even resorting to climbing to the roof to escape the cameras. After a touching recollection of a sweet father-daughter moment, she eases BoJack into another question about his family.

The Hilariously Uncomfortable BoJack as a Kid Moment:  When young BoJack presents his dad with a handmade “Father’s Day” card, his father verbally breaks him down. BoJack’s dad calls him a lazy corner-cutter and asks him if he were sailing a ship to New York, would he go around the Horn like a real American or slink through the Panama Canal like a dirty Democrat. When BoJack shyly admits to the shortcut, he gets a hard slap.

BoJack again refuses to answer Diane honestly and asks her to table the conversation so he can focus on the muffin crisis.

Cut to BoJack on “MSNBSea” having a panel conversation with the seal and the whale anchor. Dibs are again brought to the forefront when BoJack makes a grave error. When the anchor asks BoJack to agree our soldiers overseas are heroes, he refuses. He admits while some of them are certainly heroic, many of them are probably plain old regular jerks. The panel, as well as his friends watching the taping, is shocked.

Now taken out of context, every channel is replaying his, “the troops are jerks” comment. Carolyn gives him a call about the scandal as helicopters hover outside looking for a live shot. She asks him to apologize to the seal for the comment, but not before leaving him on hold for the 15th time this episode.

Episode 2 - Jerkoff

We now cut to Day 3 of MSNBSea’s continuing coverage of the BoJack jerk comment controversy. A protesting bear smashes BoJack’s right to an unpopular opinion and his date from the week before comments on his lovemaking. Even a reporter delivering an important Congressional news story has to break in with a BoJack update. A car is leaving his house. Diane and Todd sneak BoJack away from the reporters and head to Mr. Peanturbutter’s house to lay low.

The Fantastic Continuing Saga of Todd’s Internet Girlfriend Moment: As they flee the reporters, Todd calls his mistress to request three tickets to Kyoto. She freaks out in a cubicle, claiming she thought he was a rich entrepreneur when in reality, he only has $80 in his account. The scammer vows to exact revenge.

Trouble is, the dog’s entire house is filled with cameras for his reality show. After discussing his options, BoJack finally admits he should apologize just so he can focus on his memoirs. Carolyn has already contacted the seal, and they have agreed to accept the apology, provided BoJack presents him with another box of muffins; of course, BoJack has already torn into the new package, so Todd goes out to find a third replacement.

Rather than do the apology on the never-watched MSNBSea, BoJack agrees to do it on Mr. Peanutbutter’s reality show. As the two awkwardly pretend the meeting is spontaneous, the seal, dressed in his Navy SEAL uniform, comes in to accept the apology. BoJack moves to grab the muffins from Todd, but, since his bank card was declined for some mysterious reason, the best he could snag was a bag of stale hamburger buns from a fast food restaurant.

In an attempt to cover for Todd’s mistake, BoJack presents the seal with the buns, explaining they are symbol of all the brave men and women we send to war only to see them tossed aside upon their return. It’s a strangely moving sentiment, one that the seal awkwardly accepts. But BoJack can’t let his feelings go unheard, and, through clenched teeth, airs his opinions about the war, the media and the disgusting way we treat our citizens. Before more damage is done, Mr. Peanutbutter pulls a wacky stunt, getting a bucket stuck on his head. Everyone ignores the sociopolitical conversation and runs to laugh at the silly dog. Case in point.

Episode 2 - BoJack Roof

As the show winds down, BoJack joins Diane on the roof. The two have another heart-to-heart about the nature of truth. All Diane wants is to tell the world about who BoJack really is and not write a fluff piece. BoJack agrees and begins spilling his guts about his crazy family. As the camera pulls back, we’ve learned another side of BoJack. He may be a narcissist, a drunk and a womanizer, but he has opinions and isn’t afraid to voice them, regardless of the outcome. In this episode, he’s become a bit of anti-hero, the type of person willing to lay his celebrity on the line in favor of brutal honesty. His willingness to finally let go of his reluctance to talk about his past shows he’s turned a corner and put into practice what he preaches publicly. It’s always great when a comedy does a bit more with their premise and that’s the case in the second episode of BoJack Horseman. Here’s hoping for more good times in episode three.

Watch BoJack Horseman on Netflix.

TV Families | EW.com
Mark Harris
February 23, 1990 AT 05:00 AM EST

The Bradys are back, with a passel of 90’s hassles. Do they represent the typical American Family? Did they ever? Who does? Stare and compare!

Kind Of Family
TheBradyBunch 1969-74: Blended
The Bradys 1990-: Enormous
Married…With Children 1987-: Postnuclear
Thirtysomething 1987-: Extended
The Flintstones 1960-66: Modern Stone Age

Family Pet
The Brady Bunch: Tiger
The Bradys: Alice
Married…With Children: Buck
Thirtysomething: Grendel
The Flintstones: Dino

Typical Guest Star
The Brady Bunch: Davey Jones
The Bradys: There’s no room
Married…With Children: Sam Kinison
Thirtysomething: Carly Simon
The Flintstones: Ann Margrock

Expression Of Joy
The Brady Bunch: Groovy!
The Bradys: Ritual hugging
Married…With Children: ”Oh, great.”
Thirtysomething: ”Of course I’m happy for you. Really. But what about me? Why does it always have to be about you?
The Flintstones: ”Yabba-dabba doo

Expression Of Rage

The Brady Bunch: ”Hmmm…”
The Bradys: ”If you back away from something you really want, then you’re a quitter!” (the angriest any Brady has ever been)
Married…With Children: ”Aaagh, God, take me from this miserable life!”
Thirtysomething: ”I’m not angry, OK?”
The Flintstones: ”Willllmaaaa!”

Typical Problem
The Brady Bunch: Marcia and her rival both want to be the prom queen.
The Bradys: Bobby gets paralyzed.
Married…With Children: Al doesn’t buy his family Christmas presents.
Thirtysomething: Nancy gets cancer.
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney are staying out too late.

Typical Solution
The Brady Bunch: The prom committee decides to have two queens.
The Bradys: Bobby gets married.
Married…With Children: They hate him.
Thirtysomething: If only we knew…
The Flintstones: Wilma and Betty decide to follow them.

House Style
The Brady Bunch: Conservative but mod, circa ’69
The Bradys: Conservative but mod, circa ’90
Married…With Children: Roach motel
Thirtysomething: Enviable
The Flintstones: Suburban cave

Clothing Style
The Brady Bunch: Early Osmonds
The Bradys: Made in the USA
Married…With Children: Flammable fabrics
Thirtysomething: Eclectic earth tones; nice ties
The Flintstones: One-piece

Most Annoying Character
The Brady Bunch: Alice’s cousin Emma, the substitute housekeeper (too strict)
The Bradys: Marcia’s husband, Wally (chronically unemployable)
Married…With Children: Steve (supercilious)
Thirtysomething: Ellyn (goes through Hope’s drawers, babbles, changes hairstyle every other week, generally mistreats her friends)
The Flintstones: Mr. Slate (bossy)

Attitude Toward Sex
The Brady Bunch: Never heard of it
The Bradys: Omigod — even Cindy does it!
Married…With Children: Peg: Yes. Al: No.
Thirtysomething: They didn’t get all those kids by accident.
The Flintstones: Prehistoric

How Spouses Fight
The Brady Bunch: They don’t.
The Bradys: Infrequently, but it happens
Married…With Children: Tooth and nail
Thirtysomething: They stop talking
The Flintstones: Fred and Barney go bowling while Wilma and Betty max out their charge cards.

How Kids Get Into Trouble
The Brady Bunch: Greg takes a puff of a cigarette.
The Bradys: Carol’s grandson steals her business cards and sticks them in the spokes of Bobby’s wheelchair.
Married…With Children: By committing felonies
Thirtysomething: Ethan plays with a forbidden toy rocket.
The Flintstones: They don’t.

How They’re Punished

The Brady Bunch: ”It’s not what you did, honey — it’s that you couldn’t come to us.”
The Bradys ”Next time, ask.”
Married…With Children: By the authorities
Thirtysomething: It blows up in his face.
The Flintstones: They’re not.

What Family Does For Fun
The Brady Bunch: Takes special three-part vacations to Hawaii and the Grand Canyon
The Bradys: Has flashbacks
Married…With Children: Exchanges insults
Thirtysomething: Talks
The Flintstones: Attends showings of The Monster at the Bedrock Drive-In

Unsolved Mysteries
The Brady Bunch: How exactly did Carol’s first husband and Mike’s first wife die?
The Bradys: What’s with Marcia’s new face and Bobby’s blonde hair
Married…With Children: What kind of hair spray does Peg use?
Thirtysomething: Why did Nancy take Elliot back? What do Gary and Susanna see in each other?
The Flintstones: How does Barney’s shirt stay on if he has no shoulders? Where do Fred and Wilma plug in their TV?

Worst Behavior
The Brady Bunch: The Brady children once made Alice feel under-appreciated.

The Bradys: Marcia’s son Mickey watches Bobby’s car-crash tape for fun.
Married…With Children: The Bundy’s kill their neighbor’s dog.
Thirtysomething: Elliot has an affair and talks about it.
The Flintstones: Characters don’t wear under-clothes.

Best Reason To Watch
The Brady Bunch: This is what life should be.
The Bradys: They’re all grown-ups now!
Married…With Children: Terry Rakolta hates it.
Thirtysomething (Tie) This is your life. This isn’t your life.
The Flintstones: This is what life might have been.

Best Reason Not To Watch
The Brady Bunch: Blurred vision from rerun overdoses.
The Bradys: You’re all grown-ups now.
Married…With Children: She has a point.
Thirtysomething: After a while, you think it’s real.
The Flintstones: The Simpsons

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